Regression
by WhoNatural
Summary: After the Newborn Battle, Jacob wakes up in a strange house, to a world very different than the one he remembers. Why do his friends look so different? Who's the strange woman wearing his mom's engagement ring? And why will nobody tell him where Bella is? Nominated for Best Original Character in Non-Canon awards. 2ND PLACE WINNER of Coolest Original Character in the JBNP Awards!
1. Where Is My Mind?

_Disclaimer:_ _All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise._ _No copyright infringement is intended._

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**Chapter One: Where Is My Mind?**

"It was a close call this time," a familiar voice said. It was similar to the one I remembered, but there was something _off _about it.

"Yeah, well, I thought he would have learned his lesson by now. The idiot thinks he's invincible. He was less than five miles out, he could have called for back-up." A girl this time. She was different too. Less.. angry, despite her words.

"You know that's not the way he does things. There's no point getting on his back about it, he's' just going to shut us down. He never listens."

"Idiot."

I tried to open my eyes, but the strain was the equivalent to lifting a car over my shoulder. A strangled groan left my throat with the effort.

"Shh... he's waking up," the first voice said. "Jake? Jacob, man, can you hear me?" I knew that voice – Embry. Why did he sound so weird?

"Ngh... Em?" I managed. Hey, it was hard to talk. You try being articulate when it felt like your head had been trapped under a boulder.

"Yeah, it's me, man. How are you feeling?" My eyes managed to open this time, and the blurry image of my best friend hovered in my line of vision. I blinked twice, three times, before I could start making out some definite shapes. It was all wrong. I shook my head slightly, instantly regretting it. I moaned again in pain.

"Don't try to move, you're still pretty busted up," the female voice, Leah, said. My vision started to clear, and I looked to Embry again. He didn't look right. He had a shadow of stubble across his jaw, and his hair was longer than the last time I'd seen him. He had a jagged scar beside his right ear, and he was looking at me like he was afraid I'd jump out of the bed and eat him.

"When did you grow a beard?" was the first thing I said. Embry's eyes registered confusion and he absently stroked the hairs of his chin and looked at me.

"Uh...I don't know, Jake, Freshman year?" he said. I squeezed my eyes shut briefly before I looked around the room. It smelled... strange. Like a hospital, but worse. The tinge of bleach and disinfectant stung my nose, there was an undercurrent of familiarity there, too, and I struggled to make out anything else.

"Where am I?" I asked. Embry's eyes darted behind him nervously.

"You don't know?" he said, and Leah stepped into view. She looked different too. Her hair, which she had cropped short when she started phasing, cascaded down her back. Her body didn't have the same hard angles and athletic build I was used to seeing. Leah had... curves. She looked like a real girl again. Not that I was going to say that. She'd probably kick my ass.

"When you're done checking out my rack, Jake, my eyes are up here," she scowled. Same old Leah.

I looked around the room again, trying to find the answer to Embry's question. I didn't. This room was one I'd never been in before. The walls were painted a light, forest green colour, with a light grey band around the middle. There was a vase of flowers by the window and the drapes were the same metallic grey that was on the walls. It was a home, I could tell that much. It was too quiet to be a hospital and the familiar smell I'd picked up earlier was all wolf.

"Sorry, guys... no idea," I finally said. Em shot Leah another worried glance before she stepped closer to the bed.

"Jake, this is your home, don't you recognise it?" I really didn't. Had Billy redecorated?

"How long was I out?" I said, furrowing my brow at them in confusion.

"About three days," Embry answered. "You had us really worried there for a while."

"Yeah, give us some warning before you take on three vamps single handed," Leah admonished.

"It was one vamp, and I was saving you. You're welcome, by the way," I retorted. So this is what I get for jumping in to drag a newborn off of her? Leah's nose wrinkled at that.

"Saving me? What do you mean? I was in Seattle at the conference. They couldn't have touched me." I didn't know what the hell she was going on about. Conference?

"The newborn, you went for it by yourself and I took the hit for you. What conference?"

My friends shared a fearful look between them.

"Guys?" I looked to each of them for an answer.

Leah sat down on the edge of the bed and studied me carefully.

"Jake, tell me the last thing you remember," she said tentatively. I didn't know why she sounded so nervous, I figured I was doing pretty well for someone who had just woken up after a three-day nap.

"We were fighting in the clearing, a vamp was ready to take you out, so I dove in and he got a hold on me. It all gets a little hazy after that." Suddenly I remembered what had happened just before I arrived in the clearing. A warm contentment bloomed in my chest.

_Bella._

Bella had kissed me – really kissed me, and she had enjoyed it. I could tell. I felt the way her body had melted into mine and the way her heart sped up as I wrapped her little body in my arms. I could still hear the breathy groans coming from her lips as I claimed them for my own. I knew she had finally admitted to herself how she felt about me. I needed to see her, though, to be sure. There was no way she could marry Cullen when I had made her feel that way. We were connected now, and she knew it. We were going to be together, and I'd give her everything I'd promised myself I would. Marriage. A family. The whole deal. I just needed to see her.

"Where's Bella?" I asked, looking between the two of them. "You should tell her I'm awake, I really need to see her," I said hopefully. I was getting theses stupid butterflies in my stomach at the thought of looking into her eyes again soon.

_You are such a pussy, Black._

Embry and Leah's faces registered shock for a long moment before they looked to each other.

"Uh, sorry, man... Bella's not here," Embry began. I could tell there was something huge they were keeping from me and I was starting to get frustrated.

"Well call her, then. She wouldn't just stay away when I've been hurt. She'd want to know I'm okay." My face broke into a smile before I said my next words. "She kissed me, man. I think she finally realised she's in love with me." Embry's gaze averted quickly away from me and I heard a strangled gasp coming from Leah. She turned away from me before I could look at her face and made her way to the door.

"I'm going to get the doc," she excused. "Think it's time he checked you over." Just like that, she was gone. I looked back to Embry for a hint as to what the hell was going on. My head was throbbing and I felt like my arm had been broken, but had since healed. It felt heavy and tender to move.

"Em, what the hell is happening?" I pleaded. I was really starting to feel like I'd lost my shit. "What aren't you telling me? Why isn't Bella here?" Suddenly a stab of dread pierced through my chest.

_No._

She'd kissed me. I knew what she felt, there was no way she'd go back to the leech after what had happened between us. Bella wasn't a liar and she loved me and Cullen both too much to live as one. There had to be another explanation.

"Dude, tell me it's not what I think it is, tell me she didn't go back to the leech!" my voice grew louder as I spoke, and my breath caught in my throat, turning my words into a coughing fit. _Guess I have a few broken ribs, too._

"Jake, calm down, we'll explain everything once the doc has checked you over. Everything's going to be okay." He was staring at a spot beyond me and refusing to meet my eye. I think he was trying to reassure himself more than me at this point.

Just then , the door Leah had just left through swung open, and a woman I'd never seen before came barelling in.

"Jake!" she screeched. "Thank God you're awake! You had us all so worried!" She flung herself in a kneeling position by the bed and took my nearest hand, kissing it tenderly. I looked carefully at her tear-streaked face for something familiar. Nothing.

"Uh, sorry, miss... do I know you?" Her eyes met mine and she shot me a wide smile before giggling. She was really pretty, Native, with big brown eyes, a short, pixie hair-cut and a golden-russet colour to her skin. She had a cute, friendly face and she was of slim build, but I still had no clue how we supposedly knew each other.

"Very funny, Jake. You weren't the one climbing the walls, hoping you'd be okay. Can I get you anything?" I looked to Embry for help and he just eyed me warily.

"I'm really sorry, but I have no idea who you are..." I said carefully. The strange girl searched my eyes for honesty and she furrowed her brow in hurt.

"Jake, it's me... Maya... your girlfriend?" She looked down at her hand and smiled wistfully before holding it up by her face. "Well... fiancée, actually. As of one month today!" My eyes zeroed in on her left ring finger and I grasped her hand in mine, pulling it closer to my face. My eyes widened in shock as I took in the sight of my mother's engagement ring.

"Where did you get this?" I barked, probably too harshly. She flinched back and pulled her hand out of my grasp.

"You gave it to me, Jake... last month... don't you remember?" her eyes were brimming in tears, and I felt a tinge of guilt, but the fact was I had no idea who the hell this girl in front of me was.

"I'm sorry... uh, Maya... I've never seen you before in my life." Embry was just sat, dumbfounded, watching the exchange take place. He managed to snap out of his reverie and lay a comforting hand on the girl's shoulder.

"Come on, Maya, lets give him some rest. He just woke up, he's probably feeling confused right now. We can come back later when he's feeling more like himself." Her eyes never left mine as he guided her away. She was looking at me with a mixture of hurt and betrayal and I had to look away from her. I felt bad that she felt like she knew me, but my memory was obviously hazy and I had no recollection of meeting the girl, never mind proposing. Besides. I'm sixteen, there's no way I'd be getting married yet – and certainly not to anyone but Bella.

Briefly left alone, I looked around, attempting to take in my surroundings. The bed I was lying on was comfortable, and surprisingly my feet didn't dangle off the edge like I'm used to. The pillows were cosy and I really did feel at home here. Only thing was, my bedroom was nothing like it had been before. It was bigger, for a start, with a built-in wardrobe facing the window and a dresser with a large mirror in the corner. None of the furniture was anything I recognised. I started to doubt whether what Embry said was true – had it really only been three days? I felt like I was waking up after years, and my whole world had changed during my sleep. My friends looked different, I apparently had a girlfriend I had no memory of, everyone was acting weird around me and no-one would tell me where Bella was. I looked to the wall opposite the bed where a photo collage was hung. Leaning forward in the bed carefully, I winced in pain, clutching my ribs before thinking better of it and trying to squint from where I was.

There were several photos of me and the guys which I recognised. They looked pretty faded and some had curled around the edges. There was one of my Dad and I that I didn't remember being taken. He had a birthday cake on his lap and a wide smile on his face, ready to blow out the candles. My vision wasn't back to its full definition for me to be able to make out what it said on the cake, or how many candles – but my Dad looked older too. His hair had more streaks of grey in it than I remembered and he had a few more lines on his face. Something was definitely up.

I let my gaze travel onwards over more photos. There was one of Embry, Quil and I drinking beers on a sunny day outside the door of my garage, sitting on up-turned crates and smiling and waving at the camera. In another, Paul and I were locked in an arm-wrestling match while the rest of our friends cheered us on in the background. Next was a picture of me taken on the beach, but the focus of the image wasn't me at all, it was the little boy on my shoulders. He looked to be about four or five – definitely Quileute. He had his little. pudgy hands tangled in my hair, and both our faces were split open in laughter. I had a protective grasp on his legs, keeping him in place. Whoever took the photo was a lot shorter than I was, as we were both looking down into the lens.

I flinched back when I caught sight of myself with the girl from earlier, Maya, locked in a passionate kiss. I had my arm around her waist, and my hand in her hair, tilting her head how I wanted it possessively. My stomach twisted at that. I looked happy, but it felt wrong seeing myself with someone I didn't know. Someone who wasn't Bella. I looked excitedly over the rest of the collage, seeking a picture of her out. My heart sank when I couldn't find a single one.

Why the hell wouldn't I have a photo of Bella up here? Even if it had been a few months or even a year since I'd seen her, I'd still want a keepsake of her in my life. I had to face the reality that she had gone back to the leech - it was the only explanation for why we weren't together. Squeezing my eyes shut, I could feel a painful lurching in my chest. Bella was really gone, and I had no idea how long it had been. Did we still keep in touch? The lack of evidence of her in the room pointed to no. It was too painful to bear thinking about. I can believe I'd failed.

I wasn't left to wallow too long, when the disgusting stench of vampire found my nostrils. My entire body tensed for attack, and I winced in pain once again. I really needed to stop moving so damn much. What the fuck was a leech doing in my house? I stumbled to my feet, feeling disoriented as I seemed to be higher off the ground than I was used to. Was I taller? My head hitting off the lamp shade on the ceiling answered my internal question. _What the hell?_

I was growling already when Leah appeared in the doorway with none other than Carlisle Cullen. The shaking in my body increased as I growled as dangerously as I could, right in his face.

"Who gives you permission to break the treaty, Cullen?" I spat. His marble expression contorted into a frown and he looked to Leah, who just held out her hands towards me in a gesture that seemed to say 'See what I mean?'.

The doctor cleared his throat unnecessarily – I hated when they did human things like that, like when Edward used to sigh patronisingly at me. They didn't need to do these things; why bother pretending around us when we knew exactly what they were?

"Jacob, it has been an amendment to the treaty for some time now that my wife and I be allowed across the perimeter when a member of your pack is in need of medical attention."

I raised a disbelieving eyebrow and shot Leah a glare where she stood beside him.

"He's telling the truth, Jake. He's the only doctor who knows what we are and can treat us properly," she confirmed. I sat down heavily on the bed, looking at them both. Had Sam agreed to this? I couldn't believe that my Alpha would allow something like this happen easily.

"Sam let them cross the treaty line, lay their hands on us, and you're all okay with this?" I checked.

"It wasn't totally his idea, but yeah. We need a doctor, you more than ever right now," she said, taking a step closer to me and locking me in her gaze. "You need to let Dr. Cullen examine you now, Jake."

An angry snarl rose from my chest at her. "No fucking way is a leech touching me!" I backed up on the bed, as if that would stop him if he really wanted to. Leah's eyes searched mine and she frowned. She squared her shoulders and folded her arms.

"Look, Black, you know as well as I do that something's very wrong here. You're not remembering major stuff, and you're really not acting like yourself either you get checked out or we leave you wondering what the hell's going on and where Bella is. Your choice."

Fuck. She had me there. I really needed to know what was happening to me, and she seemed to know how to find Bella if I wanted to. I slumped my shoulders in defeat and huffed out a sigh.

"Fine, but nothing weird," I said, shooting the doctor a sidelong glance.

"I assure you, Jacob, your blood holds no appeal for me," he replied soothingly. I didn't feel very soothed. I sat stock-still on the edge of the bed as he went through his medical case. He took out one of those little torches and came towards me, holding his hand up to touch the side of my face. I flinched back, glaring at him.

"I just want to examine your pupils, Jacob, and ask you a few questions. Is that alright?" he asked. My patience was really starting to fray. "Nothing weird, I assure you." I looked at him a long moment before nodding. His hand was like a freakin' icicle, and I sucked in a breath as he touched me. He shone the torch in both my eyes before asking me lame questions any idiot would know.

"What's your full name?"

"Jacob Ephraim Black," I answered. _Obviously._

"Can you tell me your date of birth?" he asked, as he moved over various parts of my torso, checking bandages and bruising.

"January 14th, 1990"

"What year is it now, Jacob?"

"2006," I answered, trying not to sigh. He was helping me, the least I could do was comply. I didn't miss the look shared between Leah and Carlisle.

"And, who is the current president?"

"George Bush. Look, are any of these questions meant to tell me anything?" I said frustratedly.

Carlisle made a ritual of putting the little torch back in his bag and straightening up to look at me. He turned to Leah briefly, saying "You were right to be concerned," before turning his attention back to me, his supposed patient. He did one of those annoying sighs again and looked me in the eye.

"Jacob, it appears you sustained quite a serious head injury in your incident with the vampires in the woods," he began. I frowned again. I had no memory of any vampires in the woods, just the newborn battle.

"The reason for my seemingly tedious questions was to establish your mental state at this time," he continued formally. "It seems that you have suffered a large amount of memory loss, and regressed back to the year 2006, when you were sixteen years old, best friend of Bella Swan and a member of Sam's pack." I looked between them frantically, waiting for the punchline. It wasn't coming.

"What do you mean, 'regressed'? How far back have I gone? What year is it?" There was an uncomfortable silence punctuated only by my own rapid breathing and heartbeat, as I tried to make sense of what the hell was going on.

"Jacob, the year is 2015. You are twenty-five years old."

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**A/N: Hey there! Let me just start by saying that Not Your Type will still be finished, I just had this plot bunny running around in my head for a few weeks, but it didn't really take shape until today. I had to write it down before I forgot my ideas and they were lost. I'm posting the beginning just because I want to see if it's worth continuing.**

**This is a J/B story, but as readers of Not Your Type already know, I like to take my characters on somewhat of a journey before they find their true happiness. Jacob has a lot to find out about himself and the missing nine years of his life. I hope you'll join him for the ride!**

**Also, I have no experience or qualifications with Amnesia or serious head injuries. Anything you see here or in the future is purely Hollywood flare I've picked up from watching too many films and TV dramas, or from the fact-checking I can do online, If anything is completely wrong, don't hesitate to let me know, but please remember that this is a fictional story set in a fictional world of vampires and werewolves, so a little artistic license is allowed I think...**

**Lastly, I can't begin to tell you how important reviews are to an author. Many times when I didn't feel like updating NYT, I just had to click on my reviews and my motivation returned. If you want to know how Jake gets his girl, start clicking the button!**


	2. The Nine Years War

**Chapter Two: The Nine Years War**

After, what Leah described as an 'assload of sedatives', I was left to sleep for the night – alone, thankfully. Through the ringing in my ears, Cullen made it clear to me that I was under no circumstances to phase until he gave the go ahead – his reason being that the Pack mind would bombard me with too much information, and the trauma would be too huge for my injured brain to cope with. Although I hated the thought of a leech telling me when I could and couldn't phase, a big part of me was fucking terrified. Terrified of what was happening, terrified that I wouldn't like what I'd find if I found out what had happened to me in the past nine years of my life.

I couldn't believe it. Apart from the obvious pain and height difference, I felt the same. I knew that when I'd phased, I'd acquired the body and mentality of a twenty-five year old, but I still felt sixteen on the inside. I knew my life was different now, and there would be a lot to handle, but the main thing nagging at me was how lonely I felt. Everyone I'd met so far had this life I didn't know anything about. There was also the fact that the only ones in The Pack I'd seen were Leah and Embry. Hadn't the other guys heard I was awake? Weren't they trying to visit me? I knew from experience that when one of our own was hurt or not doing well, we'd rally around them like a family. I hadn't been out of this room yet but I could tell from the sounds in the house, that it was more or less empty. My dad hadn't even come to visit. I tried not to think it was that maybe he wasn't around any more.

Didn't anyone give a crap? There was too much happening, too much to make sense of, and I just hoped that I'd wake up in my old, crappy, too-small bed after I passed out into a dreamless sleep.

I woke before sunrise. My senses were coming back fully, and I eased myself into the state of hyper-awareness that I'd had to get used to as a wolf. I could hear sounds from the forest outside. Passing cars on the distant road telling me that either there had been major developments since I was sixteen or that I wasn't in my childhood home anymore. That worried me. If I wasn't living with Billy now, who was taking care of him?

I could smell Cullen, too. He was still here, although that still made me uneasy. I knew he hadn't tried to hurt me, but it's hard to get past a deeply ingrained aversion to vampires in one night. Muffled talking from another room caught my attention, and I listened intently. It gave me some comfort to realise that it wasn't too difficult – my senses really were coming back.

"So you're saying he remembers nothing?" My heart leapt. It was my dad. He was here, and he was okay. He sounded a little croaky, and I could tell her was more frail just from the sound of his voice, but he was alive and he was here to watch over me. I may sound like a complete baby, but just knowing that I had my dad to help me get through this gave me so much comfort.

"Your son's case is certainly a complicated one, Mr. Black," Carlisle began. "Amnesia manifests in two forms – retrograde and anterograde. Retrograde Amnesia is where the patient forgets the events leading up to a traumatic event, but can remember past events in vivid detail. It usually only stems back as far as two years – it is a testament to the massive scale of the injury that Jacob has lost almost a decade of memories. A trauma of that magnitude would surely have killed a normal human being. I can only theorise that his extra abilities have allowed him to recover somewhat, albeit with a great loss to his psyche. This usually comes following a great physical trauma, as Jacob has experienced."

"So you're saying he hit his head so hard it knocked nine years off his life? Can he ever remember again?"

"it is difficult to say at this point. Physical trauma to the brain makes it much more difficult to regain lost memories, but as I said before, Jacob's case is a complicated one."

"Complicated... how?" My dad's voice was wary, I could tell he was really freaked out, and my stomach twisted in response to his pain. I hated having him go through something like this after he'd already dealt with so much in his life.

"As I said, retrograde amnesia means that events leading up to the event are forgotten. But there is something else. Anterograde amnesia manifests in the patient's inability to remember events following the trauma. In Jacob's case, that should just be the past three days – but as you know, it is the past nine years, where the last major event he remembers is the Newborn battle. That leads me to a different hypothesis."

"Which is?" I could tell my dad was growing frustrated with all the medical jargon. It was certainly making my headache worse.

"The causes of amnesia can be both physical and mental, sometimes the causes can appear side by side. For example, someone may have suffered a brain injury as a result of a violent crime, but their brain has also been emotionally distressed because of what happened to the person, and that causes them to mentally block the memories as well as their traumatised brain being unable to process them normally.."

"So let me get this straight," my dad sighed. "Jacob has a brain injury, which knocked memories out of his head. Those memories should only have been the past three days, but emotional stress has caused him to block out the past nine years instead?"

"That is what it seems, Mr. Black, yes," the doctor clarified. My dad was silent for a long time.

"Why would he block everything out? I mean, doesn't it have to do with stress and trauma?"

"Your guess is as good as mine at this point. I can only theorise given what his friends and you have told me – Jacob's life has not been easy like it was when he was sixteen years old. Leah informed me that it has been disconcerting to see him act like his teenage self after so long. Perhaps this is Jacob's brain's way of recapturing the person he used to be, by going back to a happier time in his life."

"He has had a lot to deal with... losing Bella, taking over The Pack after Sam..." he trailed off and a strangled sob cut his throat. I didn't want to hear any more. Judging by the pictures, I thought my life seemed pretty happy now, but listening to them talk, I was pretty sure I wasn't going to like discovering who I was. I curled up in the sheets, feeling lost and scared, and tried to sleep. I prayed to whatever God was listening that when I woke up, this nightmare would be over.

I woke up a few hours later to hear a little more activity in the house. I could smell food, and my stomach growled appreciatively. I didn't know how i'd managed to go this long without eating, and I was famished. I moved to stand, and was once again overtaken by vertigo as I adjusted to my new height. If what my dad said was true, I was Alpha now. It made sense that I'd probably grown a lot bigger, and I wondered what had happened to make me change my mind. I'd been pretty certain I didn't want this. Why would that change? I looked out into the hallway and studied the house. I still didn't recognise it, but it was a nice enough place. The décor was a little girly, and I wondered if maybe Maya had been responsible for how it looked. I hesitated in my steps when I thought of her. I really didn't want to see her again, not until I had my head screwed on straight anyhow. It was too much pressure on me to try and remember our relationship when I didn't even know who I was now.

I sniffed the air, and listened to what I could make out. My dad was still here, and there was a girl here too, cooking. As I got closer, her scent became much more clear – it was Emily. A smile broke out on my face as I turned the corner into the little kitchen. I was so glad to see someone else had come to visit me. Emily was a genius in the kitchen, and if anyone was going to be cooking breakfast for me, I was glad it was her.

"My, are you a sight for sore eyes – and sore bellies," I quipped, watching as she froze in her movements in front of the stove. She turned slowly to face me, and I almost gasped at the look on her face. She looked like she hadn't slept in years. Her features were gaunt and she had dark circles under her eyes. Her hair wasn't the pretty, silky mane I was used to seeing, it was dull and lifeless, and she looked like she'd stopped taking care of herself. That wasn't what made me gasp, though. Instead it was the look of apprehension and – it pained me to realise it – fear in her eyes. Emily was afraid of me. She'd started shaking at the very sound of my voice. I furrowed my brow worriedly.

"Emily? Are you alright?" I moved closer to her, holding out a comforting hand and she flinched back from me. I let my hand drop to my side in shock. "Emily... what's wrong?" I tried, my father's voice from the doorway behind me pulled my attention away from her.

"Let the girl be, Jacob, can't you see she's terrified?" his voice was harsh in reprimand and he had fixed a steely glare on me.

"What? Why?" I turned back to Emily to find that she had moved several feet away. "Emily, you know you don't have to be afraid of me... I'd never hurt you," I soothed. I didn't think it was doing any good until her gaze moved back up towards mine. She looked into my eyes for a long moment and her brow smoothed out once again. She gasped softly.

"it's true.. he's... he's like he was before," she said in awe, before turning to Billy. "I can see it in his eyes." I turned back to my father, studying him closer. He was definitely older – I guess nine years will do that to you; and he was looking at me with a disbelief I'd never seen before. My dad didn't trust me, and it broke my heart. I moved over in front of him, and crouched down. I gingerly put my arms around his formerly strong back and pulled him into a hug, burying my face in his shoulder. I inhaled his comforting scent and let it wash over me.

"I'm so happy to see you, Dad," I choked into his shirt, really meaning it. I needed guidance and comfort that only he could provide me with. His stiff posture loosened and I felt his arms wind around me, giving me strength when I was in desperate need of some. I pulled back to look into his eyes and his steely glare softened. Tears brimmed in them and he hugged me again, tighter this time.

"I'm glad to see you, too, son. I've missed you," he whispered. "I'm so happy you came back to me." I looked at him again and frowned.

"Came back? Was I gone somewhere?" I asked innocently. He huffed out a small chuckle and the sound made me smile.

"No, Jake, but things haven't been... good between us. Not for a long time. Sometimes it felt like you were so very far away." his tears were falling mercilessly now. "I'm just glad you found your way home." My heart clenched to hear that my dad an I had been fighting. What kind of an asshole did I have to be to abandon him? I decided already didn't like who I had become. I straightened up once more, and my stomach rumbled loudly. I gripped it sheepishly and looked back at Emily again.

"Guess I need some fuel for the machine," I flexed my arms, winking at her. She gave me a small smile and moved to take the pan off the stove.

"I've cooked you a few different things, I wasn't sure what you'd be in the mood for. We can start with bacon and pancakes and move on from there," she said good-naturedly. I looked out the window and could see the tree-line from where I stood.

"Will the Pack be joining us? I'd really like to see the guys, find out how they've changed too," I said hopefully. A strange look was shared between my dad and Emily and she cleared her throat.

"Um... no, Jacob, the Pack can't come to your house without express permission," she said tentatively. I raised an eyebrow in disbelief.

"What? Since when?" I said, finding it hard to believe I could keep them away from food when they could probably smell it cooking from their own houses.

"Since you gave the order," she said, and I hated that I could detect the fear in her voice.

"What? Why would I do that?" I asked in confusion. It didn't make sense that I'd distance myself from my brothers that way. "Leah and Embry were here just yesterday, they were in my room when I woke up!" I replied, worrying if I'd imagined the whole thing.

"Leah and Embry stopped phasing quite a while ago, Jacob. They aren't Pack now. Leah gave up the wolf when she met her husband, and Embry's is dormant... he, uh, didn't want to be a wolf any more, but he still wanted to be able to phase when he was needed. As for the order, it's one of many things you changed when you took over," my dad volunteered.

"So I'm Alpha now?" I asked, trying desperately to wrap my head around everything he'd just told me. "Since when? Where's Sam?" I looked to Emily, whose face crumpled in pain, and she gripped her middle, shaking her head and turning away from me. I looked back to my father helplessly, wondering what the hell I'd said wrong. He looked at Emily sympathetically and then back to me.

"Jacob," he said carefully, "Sam's dead."

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**A/N: So, hope that shed a little more light upon Jacob's current situation, Everything isn't as great as first thought.**

**Hope you guys are still intrigued, I'm dying to hear your thoughts!**


	3. All These Things That I've Done

_Disclaimer:_ _All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise._ _No copyright infringement is intended._

**A/N: Suggested listening for this chapter: All These Things That I've Done by the Killers**

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**Chapter Three: All These Things That I've Done**

I backed up into - what must be - my refrigerator, and everything just faded into nothing – for the second time in as many days. I didn't faint; that would have been much easier. Instead I just kind of... buckled. My legs weren't holding me up any longer and I had that odd ringing sensation in my ears again. I felt like I'd gone cliff-diving and hadn't reached the surface of the water yet. I struggled for breath, letting my body slump to the ground as I focused on nothing but the grief I was feeling.

Sam was dead. One of my brothers, my very own pack, was not longer alive. For a horrible second, I was grateful I didn't remember how he died. I couldn't imagine how devastating it had been to all of us. Was he phased when it happened? Were we all phased? We would have had to bear witness to Sam's last conscious thought. A strange hiccupping sound escaped my chest. It took me a second, but I realised I was sobbing. When had I started crying? I pressed the heels of my hands into my eyes and took in a deep shuddering breath. When my vision refocused, I was hugging my knees to my chest, dad and Emily giving each other pained looks from opposite ends of the kitchen.

"H-" I croaked, clearing my throat before I continued. "How did it happen?" I looked to my dad, assuming rightfully that it would be too difficult for Emily to talk about. How was she even still alive? I thought imprints couldn't survive without each other. Clearly I was now in a completely different world than my own. Emily just stared out the window, silent tears streaming down her face.

"It was-" he began, before studying me a little closer. "You really have lost your memory, haven't you?" I held out my hands helplessly.

"Would I be asking you to tell me how one of my friends died if I could remember? It's not exactly something I'd do for shits and giggles, Dad – especially not in front of his wife." I held out my hand towards Emily, gesturing to her devastated demeanor. Dad took a breath to speak, but she interrupted him.

"Widow," her soft voice said. Emily never was one for loud and cutting sentences – not like Leah – but even I struggled to hear what she was saying. Her eyes found mine again, and the pain I saw there felt like it was ripping me in half. I couldn't imagine what it was like to be her. "I'm his widow now. You can say it. I've had quite a while to get used to life without my husband, Jacob. I know it's news to you, but to us..." she shrugged. "We just had to make do with life without him."

I could barely believe it. Emily was talking about Sam's death like her basement got flooded and she'd had to re-carpet the floor.

"When did it happen?" I said. We could get to the 'why's later, but it was really starting to creep me out how calm Sam's imprint was. Had she had a long time to adjust?

"Six years, last March," she answered. I noticed she was playing with delicate silver chain around her neck. On it, was a large ring – too big to be one of her own. I guessed it was Sam's wedding ring -my heart lurched that it had been so long. "I was pregnant at the time." She said wistfully. "Sam was so excited. Everyone was, and then he died, and it was like the goodness was sucked out of the world. The only positivity remaining was Sammy."

"Sammy?" I asked, my chest aching that Sam had never even laid eyes on his child.

"Our little boy. He's almost seven now. Wise beyond his years – just like his dad," she said, smiling softly. Suddenly, something clicked into place for me.

"The little boy," I said, searching out her eyes once again. "There's a picture, in the bedroom – my bedroom. I have a little boy on my shoulders. Is it Sammy?" Emily nodded.

"He loves his Uncle Jake." I felt a wave of relief that I at least seemed to have one good relationship in this nightmare.

"I look forward to meeting him, when I'm feeling a little better, that is," I said, trying to smile, but I think it came out as no more than a strange grimace. I wasn't sure I wouldn't freak the kid out by not having any memory of him. Emily gave me a genuine smile. I guessed that Sammy really was the ray of light in her life.

"Can I ask... how?" I said tentatively. A dark shadow crossed over Emily's features. My dad took a long, steadying breath, and she looked to him, seemingly asking permission to tell me. My father gave a half shrug.

"Vampires," she said after a beat. "One of the pack was in trouble... Sam attacked, but was thrown off. He must have fallen fifty feet – right off a cliff edge. It was low tide that day." She turned her gaze out the window as she remembered. "I was at the beach. I still remember the sound he made. I could hear it half a mile away. I knew he was gone. I could feel it-" she placed a palm on her chest, "- right here. It was like I was dying too. I thought I'd lose the baby, the pain was so bad."

I laced my fingers together in front of my nose and closed my eyes. I couldn't remember it at all. I didn't know if I was grateful for that fact or not in that moment.

"I'm so sorry, Emily," I said dejectedly. I knew it wouldn't do any good, but I at least wanted her to know how I felt.

"It's okay. Sam died saving someone he loved. It was an honourable death. At least when Sammy asks me to tell him the story, I have that." The atmosphere in the room seemed to change then, as Emily squared her shoulders and retrieved three plates from where they were heating in the oven.

"Come on, Jacob. We can't expect you to recover on an empty stomach. Time to eat." I knew then that the conversation was over, at least for now.

The meal tasted like the best thing I'd eaten in years. Emily certainly hadn't lost her touch, but I was still trying to digest the information I'd been given today. Sam's death had to have been a huge blow for the pack; I didn't know how the hell we would have gotten over something like that. Then there was the fact I was Alpha. I still didn't know how to feel about that – it wasn't something I'd wanted, but obviously since there had been no other option, I'd had to step up.

Conversation was strained as we ate. I knew Emily and Dad were wary of freaking me out, and were unsure what a safe topic was for me to talk about. I felt miserable. It was like they were afraid of me or something – and I still hadn't gotten over Emily's reaction to me when she first saw me that morning. Things were definitely different between us. I'd always seen her as somewhat of a maternal presence in my life and it was worrying me that that had changed somehow. After I'd helped Emily clear things up, I asked my dad to come outside with me.

I wanted to know why things had been so strained between us. I wasn't sure if he'd actually tell me, but there were too many unanswered questions going through my head, and I needed to start sorting through them. I followed him through the living room. It was decorated in a cosy way – traditional wall-hangings on the wall, and natural-looking wooden furniture took up the generous space. I could see how this would be my home, but I still didn't feel like I belonged there. There was still this huge, blank space in my head, and I didn't know how the hell I was going to fill it.

We came to a stop on the wooden porch. It was really quiet here, and as I let my gaze wander, I could start to figure out where I was. It was the other end of the reservation to where I'd grown up. It was secluded by trees and a simple dirt path was the only thing that resembled a road. I was living right in the depths of the forest. It seemed I'd become somewhat of a recluse now and the thought made me feel uneasy. Emily had said I'd ordered the Pack to keep away from me – which didn't make sense at all. Was I now someone who shied away from family, from brotherhood? My dad just stared off into the quiet forest, the rustling of the trees the only sound between us – seems he had a lot on his mind, too.

"I can't get my head around this, Dad," I said, breaking the silence for the first time. His features stayed stoic, and it almost looked like he hadn't heard me. "I mean – Sam's dead, I'm Alpha, but there's no sign of the Pack. I've been fighting with you for God knows how long, I've got this girlfriend I don't even know and-" I tugged a hand through my hair, feeling like I was crumbling under the pressure on my brain, "I feel like I've turned into this giant asshole that doesn't give a shit about anyone."

My dad surprised me by laughing. He was actually laughing at me while I was going through – whatever the fuck this was. "Glad my personal crisis is entertaining to you," I muttered in irritation. He looked at me then, and he finally looked like _my _father for the first time all morning. He was smiling widely at me, and he almost looked proud.

"Sorry, Jake. I really am just as freaked out as you are, it's just..." he took a deep breath as the smile fell off his face. I instantly wished it would come back. "The last time we spoke, I pretty much said the same thing to you. We had a huge argument, and I told you you'd turned into a complete asshole, and I wanted you to start letting us help you, let people in to your life. Of course, back then, you told me to shove it, and we stopped speaking after that," he said morosely.

"Why were we fighting, dad?" I asked tentatively. I still wasn't sure I wanted to find out the answer. My dad let out a long sigh for what felt like the hundredth time that morning.

"When you became Alpha, you were still hurting. A lot of things had gone wrong in your life and you were just so... angry. There was no talking to you, and you were taking it out on The Pack," he said. I scrunched up my nose and jerked my head back. I couldn't fathom what he could mean.

"Taking it out on them, how?" My father smirked darkly and shook his head.

"Oh, I'll let them tell you that. They're going to have a lot to say to you, now that you're in the mood to listen again," he said cryptically. I suddenly felt a feeling of dread in the pit of my stomach. It sounded like they really hated me. "You told them that their input wasn't needed in your life and forbade them from talking about anything that wasn't to do with training exercises or Pack Meetings. I was outside the pack, therefore the only one able to be straight with you. I tried to tell you that you were damaging a delicate dynamic in the Pack relationship. You were making the boys resent who they were and their calling in this life. You wouldn't hear me out."

Now I really did feel like shit, I couldn't believe I'd been such a complete dick to my friends. Instead of making the Pack better, as I always vowed I'd do when Sam was being impossible with us, it sounded like I'd made him look like a kindergarten teacher.

"Why would I do that? I mean, what the fuck happened to make me so...cold?" I asked, feeling a sob strangling my throat.

"That's a whole other story, I'm afraid. All I'll say is that, it wasn't until Sam died that we realised that his authority was what was keeping you together. You were a bitter person before, but without Sam there to be your big brother, and keep your ass in line like I should have been doing... you had nothing to stop you." My head fell into my hands. I really didn't want to hear any more, but I was never going to start changing things until I knew what to change.

"Embry stopped phasing... was that because of me?" My dad's gaze fell back on the trees. His mouth set in a hard line and he nodded.

"Leah was the first to go. She was never happy anyway, and when she met Nate, it was like she finally had the excuse she needed. She gave up the wolf pretty easily – it surprised all of us. She'll never phase again, and I can honestly say I've never seen her happier." That made sense. Leah's life had been turned upside down and blown apart when she'd become a wolf – I knew she'd be happier out of the pack and making her own way.

"Embry was for different reasons. He took it particularly hard when you shut him out – he and Quil tried their best to be there for you, always hoping that you'd come around, but when it looked like that wasn't happening, Embry made the decision to stop phasing." My heart was aching at what I'd put my best friends though. All they'd ever done was be there for me and I repaid them with nothing but my dominance and my anger.

"He told you at the time that it was because he wanted to go to college, experience a life that wasn't tied to La Push – but you knew it was because of you. You shut him out completely for a long time, but he still kept trying. He told me that he and Quil had made an arrangement. Embry would leave the Pack, so he wouldn't be affected by your orders and could speak to you how he liked, and Quil would keep phasing, so he could keep an eye on you from the inside. You found out the truth one day, and you went crazy. You beat Quil to within an inch of his life and things haven't been the same since. He's still in the pack, but only because of his promise to Embry." My dad turned to look at me again. "You have a lot of burned bridges to rebuild, son."

"How come Embry was here when I woke up?" I asked, pushing through the wave of self-disgust that was threatening to make me throw up my breakfast. "He didn't speak to me like we were fighting when I came around."

"Make no mistake, you're not as close as you once were, but after you imprinted on Maya, you started opening up a little more. She helped you talk to him again, albeit only as acquaintances." My head was reeling.

I'd _imprinted?_

"After I what? She's... I... no!" I felt like my world was falling apart. The one thing I'd never wanted to happen to me had, and I was tied to this girl I didn't know for the rest of my days. My dad's face registered shock as he searched my eyes for the reason for my outburst.

"How can she be my imprint? I don't feel anything for her... she's a stranger to me." He studied me for a long moment as he let my words sink in.

"You don't?" he finally said. "How can that be? I mean, imprints are irreversible. You've been with Maya for two years now. We've never been formally introduced, but she seems like a nice girl..." It almost seemed like he didn't believe me. I shook my head adamantly in denial.

"I'm telling you, Dad, I met her yesterday. I thought she was pretty, but other than a fleeting observation, she means nothing to me. I don't feel tied to her in any way," I pleaded, really wanting him to believe me.

"This is indeed unexpected," he pondered. "It could have something to do with your memory-loss, but by rights, you should have imprinted on her again, the moment you laid eyes on her." I was pacing now, but surprisingly the urge to phase wasn't there. I could still feel my wolf under the surface. He was strong – authoritative, powerful, but he had a sense of control I'd never experienced before.

"This is so wrong – so fucked up," I muttered.

"Jacob, calm down, we'll figure this out. I'll talk to the rest of the council and we can try to come up with why you're no longer imprinted. I can't believe it. Something like this has never happened before," he said in awe. I slumped back down on the little wooden chair and took deep breaths. Everything I'd heard today had just been worse than the last. I couldn't handle any more – I was sure that whatever else there was to find out wouldn't be good.

"I can't... dad, I can't listen to any more of this. I need to lie down," I said, not sure I was even speaking coherently. My dad gave me a sympathetic smile and patted my shoulder.

"I understand, Jacob. You've had a lost to process today."

"I have a feeling there's a lot more," I said.

He didn't reply, but his silence was answer enough.

_Another head aches, another heart breaks_  
_I am so much older than I can take_  
_And my affection, well it comes and goes_  
_I need direction to perfection, no no no no_

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**A/N: Poor Jake :( It just gets worse and worse for him. Any idea what's made him so angry? I think you can guess.**

**The theme song for this chapter just stuck in my head as I was writing it. I think it's a pretty good description for Jake's situation right now. I suggest you listen to it and I think you'll agree.  
**

**I'm glad he and Billy seem to be reconnecting.**

**Did anything in this chapter surprise you? Any theories?**

**Let me know in the reviews!**

**Oh and I'd like to formally apologise to any Sam fans among you. I feel awful for killing him off, but it was a necessary plot point. :(**


	4. Facing The Scars

_Disclaimer:_ _All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise._ _No copyright infringement is intended._

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**Chapter Four: Facing The Scars**

Back in the solace of my room, I was pulled from my thoughts by Emily when she knocked gingerly on the door.

"I have to get home to Sammy, Jacob, he's been with Leah and the girls all morning and I'm sure he's had enough of Barbies by now," she chuckled, before realising something. "Oh, I guess that's news to you, too – Leah's a mom, now. She has two beautiful little girls, Ashley and Dani. They're three and five – both little spitfires, just like their mom." I managed a smile at that. It was nice to hear some good information for once, and I knew Leah had been worried about not being able to have kids. It seemed that at least someone's life had turned out for the better.

"That's amazing for her, really. I'm glad to hear that," I said, before looking at her seriously. "Thanks, Emily, for everything. I'm sorry for how I've been, you know, lately," I said tentatively. She just gave me a forgiving smile and nodded.

"No need to thank me, Jacob. We're still family, and although I was afraid you'd be livid I'd come over here uninvited, messing up your kitchen, I knew you'd never really hurt me. I was just thrown off by the difference in you is all. It's a good difference, though." I sighed at that. I must have been a real piece of work of I'd gone off on Emily for just trying to take care of me – to the point where she was nervous about even coming over. The guilt was really starting to eat at me, and I found myself relieved when she left.

I sat at the window of my bedroom, watching the tree-line, half hoping to catch sight of one of the pack, and half-dreading it. I could hear my dad still moving about the house, answering the phone in my place and reassuring people that I was awake, I was talking and I was okay. I almost laughed at that. I felt pretty fucking far from okay. It was like my life was a bad sci-fi movie and I was going to find out I'd slipped through a hole in time or I was the subject of a government experiment gone awry. I noticed my dad had been on the phone for several minutes to a certain person, and my curiosity was piqued as to who it could be. Was it Bella? Had she called to find out I was okay? I quickly pushed that thought aside. She was a Cullen now – probably a vampire, and she wasn't sparing a thought to her old friend Jake.

It was the only conclusion I could draw from the half-sentences and evasion from my dad. I wasn't in Bella's life any more, and she wasn't in mine, and I just had to get used to it again; start dealing with it better than I had last time. I guessed that was why I'd become such a nightmare – my anger had turned me into a bitter shell of myself that no-one could heal. I just didn't know how long it would be before someone came out with it and just told me. They were probably afraid I'd become that monster all over again, and they'd be back to square one.

My dad was doing his best to keep his voice down, obviously trying hard to keep the phone conversation secret, but he wasn't accustomed to living with a werewolf anymore, and I could hear him clear as a bell. I couldn't, however, hear the other end of the conversation. My dad had moved out to the front porch to take the call and the sounds of passing traffic and the atmosphere of the forest made eavesdropping impossible.

"I know he doesn't, but you'll just have to convince him that the old order no longer stands. Jake doesn't even remember issuing it, I'm sure that makes it null and void now."

He was talking to one of The Pack – I knew that much. I hoped that maybe he was trying to get someone to visit me. I wasn't sure I was up to any more confrontations today, but the desire to see one of my friends negated any apprehension I had. I wanted my life back – and the Pack was the biggest part of it.

"I figured as much. Just tell him what you've seen for yourself – he's changed, he's back to the Jake we loved; maybe one day his memories will return, but for now – I think it's a blessing, and I for one am taking full advantage of it." There was a long pause, where I could hear a muffled male voice speaking seriously, but I couldn't determine any words.

"I know that, but try your best. Jake is disgusted with himself – he's got a long recovery ahead of him, and he's going to need all the friends he can get. Don't give up on him when he's finally come back to us."

Dad hung up after that, and my curiosity forced me from the room out into the hallway.

"Who was on the phone, Dad?" I said, startling him as he made his way back in the front door.

"Jacob, you scared me. Uh, it was Embry, he was calling to check up on you. He said he might stop by later on, if you wanted to talk some more." I nodded in relief. If Embry was willing to come back and see me, maybe we could salvage some of our relationship. I missed him like hell, and I could feel the distance between my brother and I like a lead weight on my chest. I was adamant that I would make it up to him, somehow.

Dad and I sat watching TV for most of the day. He had begun to fill me in on some current events, like I was a coma patient or some sort of time traveller, but after he started into Justin Bieber's foray into politics, I'd heard enough. I already had enough to figure out in my own personal history – the rest of the world could wait. We just sat in companionable silence after that, and I was grateful he was at least sticking around to be with me. From what he'd told me earlier, it had been a while since we'd done this.

Footsteps on the dirt path alerted me to an approaching visitor and I almost jumped from the chair in anticipation. I hadn't heard a car pull up, so whoever it was hadn't driven here, so the hope that it was a Pack member had my heart thudding in my chest. Would they hate me? Should I even open the door? The sight of Embry passing the window alleviated my fears and I sent Dad a hopeful smile, which he returned fondly. I opened the door before he had a chance to knock and he just stood on the porch with a bewildered look on his face.

"Em, it's great to see you, man!" I said enthusiastically, and could tell my 'new' attitude was throwing him for a loop.

"Hey... Jake, your dad said it would be okay for me to come by. He said he's been filling you in on the situation here these days," he said nervously. I offered him a weak smile and cast my eyes downward.

"He sure has. Seems like I have a lost to apologise for," I said morosely, before meeting his gaze again. "I'm sorry, man, I would say I was an asshole but that's pretty much a moot point right now." Embry let out a long sigh of relief.

"You have no idea how good it feels to hear you talk like that," he said sofrly, before clearing his throat in an effort to maintain his masculinity. "Anyway, I figured you might need to talk, and you know... I'm here if you want to. Or not, whatever." I smiled genuinely at him and nodded.

"That would be great, Em. Want to come in?" He looked behind him at the tree line and hesitated. What was back there? I squinted, following his gaze, but I couldn't make anything out. The forest was downwind and I couldn't pick up any scents other than Embry and the faint threat of oncoming rain.

"Why don't we sit out here, Jake. You know, fresh air and all," he said gingerly. I knew he was keeping something from me, but I was too grateful for the chance to reconnect to challenge him on it.

"Sure, sure, after you," I said, holding a hand out in invitation. Embry slumped down on the chair I'd taken earlier and took a deep breath. Taking the opportunity to study him, I noticed that he'd aged some over the past few years. Apart from the beard and scar, he looked like he had matured, and I guessed stopping phasing had slowly re-started the aging process. He still had the werewolf muscle-tone we'd all acquired, and he looked like he could split a tree in half if he wanted to, but there were a few frown lines on his face that hadn't been there before, and his cheekbones had a sharp definition that spoke of a man, not the boy I'd grown up with. He caught my gaze and gave me a look that was half way between a frown and a smile.

"I know I'm pretty and all, Jake, but I'm sorry, I still don't swing that way," he joked. I scoffed and looked away, feeling abashed that I'd been caught staring.

"Sorry, man, it's just that as far as I'm concerned, last week you were this dumbass seventeen year old too afraid to talk to girls," I smirked. He laughed at that, and the sound eased my worries slightly.

"Yeah, still haven't gotten much better on the talking to girls thing, but I'm no dumbass. You're looking at Embry Call, bad-ass Attorney," he smiled. My jaw gaped open in shock.

"You're a lawyer?" I spluttered, hardly daring to believe it, Embry had always been the brains in our group, but hearing what he'd achieved was mindblowing.

"Sure am. I always said I'd make something of myself. I took over Marshall Altman's practice about a year ago when he retired. I'm not out there prosecuting low-lives like on Law and Order, but I do okay. Pays the bills, at least."

"That's amazing, man. Well done. I'm really proud of you," I said honestly, before something occurred to me. "Hey... what am I?" I asked, wrinkling my nose.

"Do you really want me to answer that? I'm sure a few choice phrases currently coming to mind won't make you feel much better," he smirked. I punched him lightly on the arm, scoffing at him.

"I'm glad you didn't become a comedian – you never did have the knack for it," I countered, and felt myself relaxing in our easy banter. "I mean, what do I do? What's my job?"

"What do you think? It's the only thing you ever wanted to do?" he asked, as if the answer was obvious. I realised after a beat that it was.

"I'm a mechanic?" I asked, and he nodded slowly, as if I had learning difficulties.

"You work with Maya just outside of Forks at Singer Auto," he clarified, and I found myself smiling that I was doing something I loved. What he'd said though, gave me pause.

"Wait, you mean... Maya?"

"Is a mechanic too, yeah. You found a chick that knows her way around an engine as well as you do. Living the dream, man. Not that you'd ever admit it."

"Whoa.., that's pretty cool. A girl mechanic, I mean." Embry nodded in agreement.

"She's pretty good, too. She's a good fit for you, Jake." I couldn't help the lurch my stomach gave at the mention of her.

"To bad she feels like a stranger to me," I muttered.

"Yeah your dad told me you don't remember the imprint. Tough break," he said sympathetically. "Maybe after some time you guys can try to rebuild something – there's gotta be a salvageable relationship there." I let my gaze wander out towards the forest as I shook my head.

"That's the thing, I have no desire to. I'm still in love with someone else and it's not going away any time soon." I could feel Embry's apprehension at the prospect of bringing her up.

"Are you talking about Bella?" he asked, and I could detect a hint of surprise in his voice.

"Who else? I know she must be off living her dream life with Cullen by now, but I still gotta process everything. I'm just as in love with her as I ever was." Embry was silent for a long moment, clearly choosing carefully what to say.

"Jake, whatever you think you know about Bella, well – you don't. It's not what you think, and you shouldn't come to conclusions without knowing the full story." I bristled at that, How the hell was I supposed to do anything else?

"Well why don't you tell me the whole story, then? Everyone keeps dancing around her name like it's some sort of curse and I didn't know what else to think."

"Jake, I really don't want to upset you, but there are certain things I don't think you're ready to hear. Trust me." He said with conviction. I didn't want to give in, but I knew I wasn't getting anything out of him today. I'd already had a lot to make sense of in my mind, and I knew that I wasn't going to like whatever it was everyone was trying so desperately to keep from me. Maybe it really was for my own good – hell knows the rest of my life hadn't exactly been a free, all-you-can-eat Chinese buffet. Embry had only ever looked out for me, and if it went a small way towards making amends for how I'd treated him over the last few years, my trust was his. I sighed in defeat and shrugged.

"Fine, I trust you. As long as you promise that I will get the whole story some day." He held out his hand for me to shake, which I took in agreement.

"Deal."

We sat in silence for a while, Embry's eyes never leaving the tree line as he absorbed what I assumed was my change in demeanour. I didn't interrupt, as I felt like I had a thousand things begging for attention, all at once. Eventually, Embry broke the silence by zipping up his jacket against the cold.

"Lost the internal heating, huh?" I asked, nodding towards his chest where the hooded jacket was fastened under his chin.

"Yeah, one of the downsides of being dormant. I'm still hotter than most-" he smirked in innuendo, "But sometimes I feel the few lost degrees when the wind picks up."

"Dad told me what you did for me. I can't begin to thank you or apologise, Em," I said sorrowfully. He met my eyes and gave me a small smile.

"It's cool, man, I got off easy compared to some," he said, pointing to the jagged scar by his ear, and his eyes darted out towards the tree line again. I had finally had enough of the mystery and asked outright.

"Alright, who's out there?" I said, standing up and taking a step off the porch. Embry was immediately beside me with a halting hand on my shoulder.

"Hold up. Jake, I'm not sure he's ready yet," he said pleadingly.

"Who's ready? Who's out there, Embry?" I said, turning away from him again and studying the trees, still seeing nothing. Suddenly, a broad figure came into view. It was cast in shadow and it stepped hesitantly among the trees. It came to a stop just on the edge of the forest and stood there, hands balled into fists by his sides and chest heaving.

"Quil?" I said in disbelief. I looked to Embry but his gaze was fixed on our friend, nerves and apprehension marring his features. I turned back to Quil and yelled.

"Hey, Ateara! Quit being a creep and get your ass over here!"

He stomped out of the trees and strode purposefully towards me, and I gasped as more of him came into view.

He was shirtless, wearing a pair of ratty cut-offs with dirt and grass stains. He hadn't filled out much more than his teenage self, but his hair was shorter than I'd ever seen it – shaved close to his scalp so that only a faint shadow of his brown, shaggy locks could be seen. He had tattoos covering one arm completely, giving the appearance that he had a sleeve on, and I could tell the work had been added some time ago since some of the ink had faded in places. What gave me the biggest shock, though, was the four, angry-looking claw marks cutting his torso from is left pectoral diagonally downwards to his hip. When he reached me, the callous emptiness in his eyes as he regarded me twisted my stomach in knots, and I didn't have a chance to say a single word before he drew his fist back and punched me, as hard as he could, right in my face.

"Holy shit Quil, calm down!" Embry yelled, moving to stand between us.

"He deserves a fuck-load more than what I just did. How does it feel? Huh, dick? How does it feel to have one of your brothers inflict a little pain on _you _for a change?" Quil spat, leaning over Embry's restraining arm to get in my face. I was so shocked, I could do nothing but hold my healing nose in silence, as I took in the look of pure hatred in his expression. I obliquely heard the door open behind us and my father's voice boomed out from the entrance way.

"Everything alright here, boys?" he asked menacingly, and Quil stopped struggling at once to look at him sheepishly. I spat out a mouthful of blood as I checked that my nose had re-set properly.

"It's okay, Dad, Quil's just exacting a little retribution, I think," I said, looking at Quil again who was refusing to meet my gaze. "Got it out of your system, Buddy?" His face contorted in anger and he lunged at me once more, Embry only stepping in at the last second to hold him back.

"You fucking waste of air! You think this is funny? It wasn't funny when you turned our pack into a dictatorship!" he yelled, struggling once again to get past Embry. It was obvious that being dormant hadn't decreased his strength at all. "It wasn't fucking funny when you ordered me to stop speaking to Claire for two weeks and I had to listen to her crying and ask her mother my I hated her! I wasn't laughing when you ordered me to run all the way to the east coast without stopping for food or rest, until I passed out from exhaustion, just because I asked you to speak to your father!" he pointed to my dad in the doorway, who was just giving him a pained look while he broke down right in front of us. He'd stopped struggling by now and was just grasping at his shaven head, shaking it back and forth and digging his stubbed fingernails into his scalp. He opened his eyes again and pointed an accusing finger at my chest.

"I wasn't fucking laughing when you busted me down to Omega, just for trying to be your friend," he said, his voice wracked with sobs as he sank to his knees. "Or when you beat me to a pulp so badly that I had to let the leech operate on me while I watched, because there was no anaesthesia strong enough to keep me out for that long."

I didn't even register it happening, but I had lost the strength in my legs and was now sitting on my haunches, right in front of him. I couldn't bring myself to look in his eyes, I knew that if I did that, I'd never forgive myself, and if I couldn't forgive myself, there was no hope of Quil forgiving me either.

"I..." I started, knowing that no matter what I said, it would never be enough. There was no atoning for years of relentless sadism at the expense of my best friend. I knew in that moment, why guilt led people to do unspeakable things. I wanted to get away from here, to phase and run away and never come back – there was no hope left in this place after who I'd become. But I couldn't do that, I owed it to Quil to get his closure. If we were never going to be friends again, I at least wanted him to go away knowing he'd told me how I'd made him feel.

I didn't get a chance though, because Quil was on his feet again.

"Don't! Don't you fucking _dare _say you're sorry. Sorry doesn't cut it, Jake. It's not the same as breaking one of my video games or crashing my car. Sorry can't undo the past six years of pure torture I've had to endure because _you _were in control of my life. Fuck you, Jacob, Fuck your apologies, because I'm done."

In a flash if chocolate fur, I looked up to see the remains of Quil's cut-offs falling to the ground. The rest of my best friend was gone, a howl in the surrounding forest the only sound announcing his flight. As if caused solely by Quil's anguish, a rumble of thunder was heard in the distance, and the first drops of rain began to fall.

* * *

**A/N: Such Angst.**

**Poor Quil. But at least Jake still has Embry, right?**

**And what about Bella? Embry seems pretty adamant she's not a Cullen – what could have happened to her?**

**He's done some terrible things that we know about now, but I'm sorry to say they don't end there. **

**Oh and any Supernatural fans in the house who caught the reference?**

**Let me know if you did and your thoughts on the chapter!**


	5. We're Strangers, We're Not Friends

_Disclaimer:_ _All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise._ _No copyright infringement is intended._

**A/N: Suggested Listening for this chapter:**

** Soco Amaretto Lime by Brand New (Bella/Jake)**

**Wake Up Exhausted by Tegan and Sara (Jake/Maya)**

* * *

**Chapter Five: We're Strangers, We're Not Friends**

I couldn't sleep that night. Every time I closed my eyes, I could see Quil's face, and hear how his voice cracked as he recounted all the awful things I'd done to him. Tossing and turning, I found myself somewhere in that state between awake and dreaming, and that was the newest torture inflicted upon my battered psyche. My dreams were of Bella. It was a distant memory of a day we'd taken a picnic to the beach – before the Cullens had returned and before we'd been torn apart like two star-crossed lovers with allegiances to different sides of an ancient war. Two struggling teenagers, navigating our way through the burden of secrets and lies, we lay on a blanket in the sand, her head laying on my chest as her body curled up perpendicular to my own. I was running my hands through her hair, marvelling at how the strands felt like woven silk through my calloused fingers. She still hadn't admitted to herself how she felt for me, but I knew in my heart she was growing close to it. She'd been slowly healing, and I proudly thought to myself that it was partly down to me. We had an unbreakable tie to each other – best friends who would forgive anything, be anything if it gave the other happiness and contentment. I was her Jake, and that was all she had wanted me to be by that time – the honour of the title of belonging to _her _was the greatest achievement my young self had accomplished, or ever would. More than that of protector, more than Beta of my Pack – when I was Bella Swan's best friend, that was the definition of all I needed to be.

"Do you ever think about the future, Jake?"

"I'm thinking about ordering pizza for dinner, if that's what you mean," I joked. She responded by pinching me on my chest, right beside her face. I cringed at the cold touch of her fingers and laughed deeply.

"Very funny, Black. I mean the real future, like ten years from now. Where do you want to be?"

The sound of the waves breaking the shore a short distance away was the only sound to be heard as I thought about her question. I didn't want to scare her away, by admitting that when I thought of the future, I saw us. We would travel, experience new things and new places before settling back home to live together in a little house, safe in the bubble of our love for each other. She would be my wife, and we'd spend our days working and saving for the future. Maybe we'd have children, maybe not. It was all up to her. I just wanted to be able to stand in front of our friends and family and declare my love for her, and we'd grow old together, acting stupid, having arguments, making up – I didn't really care how we filled our days, as long as she was mine.

I didn't say any of that, because I knew she wasn't ready.

"I think I'll want to travel, see the world a little, do some real growing up. But after ten years? I want to be right here, with you, doing this." She was silent for a long moment as she let my words wash over her, and then she said:

"Me too, Jake. I want to be right here with you too."

I gave up on sleeping after that. The pain of remembering what I was so close to having, but lost, was toying with my emotions, and I had too much work to do in the real world to allow myself futile fantasies. Bella wasn't mine any more, and I wasn't hers. It hurt like hell to realise it, but I needed to start some healing of my own.

I got out of bed to a quiet house. Padding to the kitchen, I filled a glass of water and gulped it down. I realised that I'd been crying in my sleep, and my throat was dry and raw from the effort of it. It was one more thing to be ashamed of – I hadn't cried since my mother died, and seemingly the floodgates were re-opening and all that pent-up emotion was ramming the barriers, desperate to break free. I needed to lock the gates, throw away the key, and be the man my father raised me to be.

I opened the back door, wanting to immerse myself in the familiar scents and sounds of the forest. Even if everything else in my life had gone into a tail-spin, I was still here, still alive, and still home. I needed to find things to be grateful for, and that was definitely one. Sitting on the back step, I closed my eyes and allowed the reservation to welcome me back. La push was where I belonged, and the one thing that hadn't changed in this mind-fuck of a situation was that. It still smelled the same, and for the most part, sounded the same. The sound of clashing metal was the major difference I wasn't used to. I opened my eyes, standing to follow the sound. It was almost like someone was working on a car, but my garage was still back at Billy's house, as far as I knew.

I turned left, and the sounds grew louder, finally making sense when a small work-shop came into view. There was a light on inside, and I could hear the gentle sounds of acoustic guitars permeating the air.

As I got closer, I started to pick up a beautiful scent – it was like lavender, but it was accented with the aroma of motor oil, and had a salty, earthy quality to it too. All became clear as I neared the open door and looked inside. A car was hoisted off the ground, an old , blue buick that had definitely seen better days was being worked on from beneath by Maya – I could see her petite converse sneakers peaking out from the shadow, and tools lay strewn across the floor. She was singing softly along with the radio, where a song by Brand New was punctuating the silence between the sounds of her work. I wasn't sure what to do. Do I talk to her? Should I leave? I stayed rooted to the spot, waiting for the right decision to come to me.

A muffled curse and a hiss took the choice out of my hands. Maya slid out from under the car, clutching her hand. She was wearing cover-alls, rolled down at the waist and a fitted vest covered in grease stains accented her toned figure. Her hair was dishevelled, sticking to her forehead in places with perspiration, and she had more smudges of oil and dirt on her delicate cheek bones. I knew by looking at her, that she was beautiful and the fact that she was supposedly my imprint stopped me from fleeing immediately. She was frowning, holding her palm as the thick, copper scent of her blood joined the other scents assaulting me. She stood up, and walked towards me, never raising her gaze as she tended to her wound. Tearing off a piece of cloth from a rag hanging by the sink, she wrapped it carefully around her hand, turning back again to resume her work. It must have been then that she caught sight of me finally, because she froze.

She raised her gaze to meet mine, and I honestly didn't know whether to be relieved or disappointed by what happened next.

Nothing.

Nothing happened. I still didn't imprint on her, and I knew by her expression that she knew it too.

"I think this is the first time you've managed to sneak up on me," she mused, partly to me, partly to herself. "I can usually feel where you are, I'm able to tell when you're close – but now..."

"Nothing," I finished for her. There was nothing holding us together.

"Did I wake you? I'm sorry if I did, it's just that you promised Mr. Chambers you'd have this ready in a week, and I figured you were in no state to work, so I..." she shrugged, and I felt a huge amount of pity for this girl I knew I was meant to love, but couldn't find it in me to do. She was almost as lost as I was – I realised that now, but there was still nothing I could do to fix this.

The song on the stereo reached the breakdown, and I cast a glance towards it. It was 'Soco Amaretto Lime', a song I'd listened to a lot in my teenage years, and it had come to remind me of Bella, of how young and free our almost-relationship had been, and how I wanted the feeling to last. Looking at Maya, with the music screaming _Bella _at me, I knew there was little to no hope for us. I was still desperately in love with someone who wasn't here, and Maya knew that now, whatever we'd shared, was heaving a death rattle, struggling for breath as we both wondered whether it was worth resuscitating.

"It's cool, I wasn't sleeping anyway... Uh, thanks," I stammered, not sure how I was supposed to talk to her now that she was looking at me like she wanted me to tell her everything was a big joke, and I was still the guy who'd proposed to her.

"I thought as much, you never were a good sleeper when you had a lot on your mind." It was making me uncomfortable that she seemed to know so much about me when I knew next to nothing about her.

"Embry told me you're a mechanic," I ventured, trying to keep the conversation neutral and away from the fact that she was my fiancee and I was breaking her heart.

"Yeah, I grew up tinkering with whatever I got my hands on in my dad's shop. He was a mechanic too, back in Tacoma," she informed me.

"You didn't grow up on a reservation?" She shook her head as she crouched down, sorting through the tools on the floor.

"Nah, when my mom fell pregnant with me they took off, they both wanted me to grow up somewhere where alcoholism and teen pregnancy wasn't the most likely future for me." She raised a conspirational brow and smirked. "My mom was seventeen when she got knocked up, I guess they had good enough reason to come to that conclusion."

I found myself smiling back at her, strangely relaxing in her easy company like we really were old friends.

"Don't know what they'd say if they knew I'd ended up here, though. They moved off a reservation and I moved right back on to one."

"You don't talk to them?" I asked, noticing that she was speaking about them as if she hadn't seen them in a while.

"They died just before I moved here – drunk driver, usual drill."

"I'm sorry, Maya, I guess there's a lot I don't know about you." She shrugged as she began wiping off a wrench with the remains of the rag.

"It's okay, from what I hear, there's a whole lot about this Jake I don't know either," she said. "You never did talk about your teenage years much, I guess it was too raw or something."

I sat down on an old, thread-bare couch and scrubbed a weary hand over my face.

"This is so fucked up," I muttered. "I know what we're supposed to be to each other, but I just..."

"Don't feel anything for me?" she said knowingly. I caught her gaze, and she gave me a sympathetic smile. "I know what you mean. As soon as you woke up, I burst into tears. I didn't know what it was – and believe me, I never cry, but it was only when Leah said you'd come round that I could place this weird feeling I was having."

"The imprint?" I asked, finding that my voice was scratchy again, and I was feeling like those floodgates were being hammered into submission.

"Yeah, I knew something had happened to it – I felt... wrong. Sorry if I freaked you out with my bitch-fit, I guess I was just in extreme denial."

"I'm sorry," I said, helplessly. "I don't know how to fix this." She looked away from me, contemplating something.

"I was pretty angry when I left the house after you woke up. I felt betrayed, like you'd sucked me into your life and spat me back out. I started cursing the day I met you." she confessed, and I could do nothing but listen. All of her feelings were pretty justified, given that I'd woken up and torn her future away from her in an instant. "But I know it's not your fault that we're strangers now." She looked back to me and the forlorn expression on her face almost tore me in half. I hated that I couldn't make this right; that I couldn't give her back what had been taken away so cruelly.

"How could you be with me? I mean, from what I've heard, I wasn't exactly a barrel of laughs to be around." She smiled nostalgically and came over to sit beside me, allowing me enough distance not to make it uncomfortable.

"That's the thing, Jacob – you were never like that with me. You were a total hard-ass, and you treated a lot of people pretty badly, but I was never one of them." I heaved a sigh of relief that I wasn't making at least one person's life a living hell. "I was the only one really able to call you out on anything without suffering the 'wrath of the Alpha'" she air-quoted and smiled at me.

"At least I didn't treat you like crap," I muttered. She shook her head adamantly.

"You were a great boyfriend Jake. You were attentive and protective, and although you were kind of distant most times, you showed your love in other ways." She smiled softly at a memory. "You were always doing things for me when you couldn't say how you felt; like this one time, you knew I really love vintage Mustang convertibles, so-" she started to chuckle slightly, "you saw one in port Angeles, and you backed into it, just to mess it up enough to need fixing. You told the guy that you worked as a mechanic and you'd fix it for free, and you came and presented it to me to work on. You said you couldn't afford to buy me one, but getting to know a sweet baby like that intimately was the next best thing." She was smiling now, and her story was slightly comforting, but I couldn't find it in my heart to return the gesture. I shrugged.

"Still, you saw what I was capable of, what I did to Quil-"

"Quil is an extreme example. I'm not saying he asked for the way you treated him, or even that he deserved it, but the rest of the guys knew when to back off, when to just follow orders and shut the hell up. Quil didn't," she sighed, shaking her head. "Maybe it's because you guys were once so close, but he couldn't accept the fact that it was just the way you were, then, and no amount of bitching or provocation could change that. He pushed a lot of your buttons, and you did give him a lot of warnings, but he wouldn't let it go. That's why he bore the brunt of your anger – he was the one reminding you of how much you'd changed all the time – thinking about how you used to be, deliberately showing you memories when you were phased together. It was noble, what he was trying to do, but he went the complete wrong way about it."

I felt relieved that my side of the story as being told – it was all making slightly more sense now, and although I was still digusted with myself for how i'd treated him, at least it was clear that it wasn't just me being an asshole for the sake of it. If I'd been struggling to make my way in life, and Quil had constantly been trying to get me back to who I was, I could understand why I'd finally snap, taking out my frustration on the person who was reminding me what I wasn't anymore.

"It all makes a little more sense now," I said finally.

"You were never a bad person, Jake, you just... had a lot to put up with, and I think you were trying to control everything – albeit a little too much. I knew who you were inside, you just hid it really well from everyone else."

"What happened to make me that way, Maya? Was-" I hesitated, wondering whether it would hurt her too much to bring it up, but knowing that if anyone would tell me, it would probably be her. She was the only one who still got the good part of me, the part who didn't hurt people and was trying to do the right thing. "Was it... Bella?"

She turned her head away from me and her lips drew into a thin line, clearly wondering what to say.

"I'm not really supposed to tell you much," she sighed, and I felt disappointed that I'd been shot down again. "But yeah. Bella was the major catalyst, I think. I don't know much about her – you'd never mention her name, and everyone else was too afraid to say anything about it in case you'd punish them for it. All I know is that you were in love with her, and she left, and you were hurt deeply by it, but I don't think that's the full story. She disappeared after the last time you spoke to her." She looked back to me and gave me a sympathetic smile. "That's all I really know, sorry."

"She's missing? Isn't anyone looking for her?" I asked, panicking that Bella had been hurt badly and nothing had been done about it.

"She doesn't want to be found. From what Emily told me, she calls to check in with her dad every few months, just to stop him worrying, but she won't tell anyone where she is, and she won't say much other than that she's alright and to ask about everyone here." I relaxed slightly at that, but the feeling of foreboding wasn't going away, Something really bad had to have happened to make Bella abandon her father and stay gone. Was she even still human?

"But she's not a vampire?" I asked, fearing the answer. Maya gave me a confused look and shook her head.

"Why, could she be?" she asked, clearly not knowing much about Bella's history.

"Bella was engaged to Edward Cullen when we were teenagers – one of last things I remember was when I found out. She didn't go through with the wedding?" Maya shrugged as she let the new information sink in.

"No-one told me that – and I didn't know there were more Cullens, I've only met the doctor and his wife," she said apologetically. "Bella's human, as far as I know, but that's about it. Sorry I can't tell you much more – you weren't exactly forthcoming with the details."

"It's okay, you've told me a lot more than anyone else has," I said gratefully. "Thanks, Maya."

"Just happy to help," she smiled. I could see that she would be very easy to fall in love with, but I could find myself feeling nothing but fraternal affection for the small, slip of a girl who liked to play with heavy machinery. I wanted to protect her, and be her friend, if she'd let me.

"Maya, I know it might be hard for you, since you remember everything," I sighed, not sure how my request would be received. "But if it's okay with you, I'd like to be friends, you know, while I'm recovering. I have a feeling I'm going to need people like you around me, and you seem like a great person." She gave me a broken smile and nodded.

"I thought you'd want me gone or something, I guess I'm pretty relieved you're not freezing me out," she confessed, tears pooling in her huge brown eyes. "Of course I'll be your friend, Jacob, I still care about you." Against my better judgement, I pulled her into a hesitant hug. She smelled like the perfect combination of soft femininity and tough, masculine musk. She buried her face in my chest and let out a long breath before she straightened back up and wiped her eyes.

"Come on, let's get this engine cleaned up before we both get our periods," she said, moving to get off the couch and shooting me a smirk.

Just like that, the moment was gone. I had a new friend, and it finally started to give me a sense of peace. More than that. I was hopeful. If Maya could stand to help me after all she'd lost, maybe I could rebuild some other friendships, too.

* * *

**A/N: What's the verdict on Maya? She's not as horrible as some people seemed to think, huh? Looks like Jake kept a little part of his old self just for her.**

**What happened to Bella? She's gone AWOL, but she's still human. There are only two Cullens who have contact with the pack. Do you think she's still with Edward? Or has she gone off on her own?**

**Oh, and I've cast Vanessa Hudgens with a cute pixie hair-cut as Maya - it's on my profile now. She's a real tomboy though, and she's kind of the girl version of the old Jacob.**

**Let me know your thoughts!**


	6. You Do Not Talk About Wolf Pack

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

* * *

**Chapter Six: You Do Not Talk About Wolf Pack**

I woke up with renewed vigour the next morning – and it showed. My dad smiled at me over the paper when I came into the kitchen, stretching my muscles and yawning loudly. I'd only gotten five hours sleep, but I felt more refreshed than I had since waking up to this twisted version of reality.

We had stayed up, working on Mr. Chamber's car until dawn, with Maya telling me all about herself as I listened with interest and relaxed in the familiarity of taking apart the engine. The parallels between Bella's and my story weren't lost on me, only this time, I was the one carrying on the contemplative silence as she rambled about her life growing up in Tacoma and how she'd come to live in La Push. She was letting me be silent, I realised, and I was thankful to her – it seemed my whole life had become a torrent of apologies and unanswered questions, and I welcomed the ability to just... be.

Maya was twenty-three years old, a high-school drop-out who loved working on cars just as much as I did. She'd lived with her parents up until they died, and once the funeral was over, found herself alone and drifting, feeling like her roots had disintegrated and needing a fresh start. She studied the classifieds in the paper and applied for the first mechanic's job she could find – which just so happened to be at Singer's in Forks. She put her dad's shop on the market – citing preferring to concentrate on fixing cars rather than number-crunching as her reason for not wanting to take over the business, and she felt she lacked the experience of taking care of things from a more administrative position. I could understand that, Although I wanted to open a place of my own one day, I knew I'd want a business partner who would handle the books while I put my efforts into quality of service and dealing with customers.

She had come into town the night before her interview, and actually met Embry in Lincoln's bar when she stopped in for a drink. They'd struck up a conversation and he'd warned her about me before she got to the shop for the interview. Of course, Embry's picture of me was less than flattering, and Maya giggled as she recounted how I'd stood like a star-struck teenage girl when we'd met, not the "hard-ass Jacob Black" she'd been expecting. It was surreal to hear the story of my own imprint from someone else, and I tried not to bristle as she told me of how I'd asked her out by the end of her interview and told her my secret three days later.

I wondered how to bring up the fact that she seemed to be taking our break-up in her stride. She read my silence, though and volunteered that she'd done a lot of crying, a lot of screaming and a lot of cursing over the past twenty-four hours, but she was always of the philosophy that if you couldn't change something, you had to make the best of what you had. It was a philosophy I shared myself, too, and I marvelled again at how like me she really was. I couldn't help the sense that she was almost relieved to be free of it, and I said as much, aiming not to upset her. I was quickly learning that Maya was someone who was hard to offend, and she just smiled and studied her hands thoughtfully before answering.

"I guess I do feel a sense of freedom, Jacob," she said to her hands. "I mean, please don't think I don't love you – I still do, even if it's not like it once was, but honestly? If we hadn't imprinted, I don't think we'd have been together." I was slightly puzzled at that, but I wasn't upset by her words – it was just that she sounded so sure of herself. I smirked at her and looked up through my eyelashes where I was leaning under the car's hood.

"You mean you think you'd be immune to my charms?" I said challengingly. She scoffed and ruffled a hand through my hair, ruining my 'game' instantly.

"You weren't exactly a charmer back then, Black," she replied. "But that's not really what I mean – I didn't go to the shop that day looking to find someone – you kind of blindsided me, and made me forget everyone else. If it wasn't for the imprint, I don't think you'd be the one I'd have ended up with," she said. That made sense, since Maya was a hot mechanic and all, I didn't think she was short of offers from the opposite sex. I found myself hoping that she'd meet someone new, and soon, Maya deserved to be loved and cherished. I just wasn't the guy to do it.

Dad slid a steaming cup of coffee across the table at me and studied my easy-going expression. It was almost like he was suspicious that I was up to something, and I was close to laughing at the familiarity of the scene. Just subtract nine years, move the kitchen table across the reservation, and we had a normal morning at the Blacks' before I attempted to ditch school to hang out with Bella or one of the guys.

"Where are you off to?" he said, quirking an eyebrow at me. "You've got that look in your eye again."

"What look?" I said innocently.

"That look that usually results in me getting an angry phone call from someone telling me what trouble you've got into," he grumbled. "It's the same look your mother would get when she came back from a shopping trip with your Aunt Connie and she spent too much of my money." I laughed at his intuition, happy that he was comfortable enough with me again to talk about Mom.

"Dad, I'm what, twenty-five now? I seriously doubt you'd be getting any phone calls if I were up to no good," I chuckled. He leaned back in his chair and studied me witheringly.

"You'd think so, wouldn't you. I beg to differ. Everyone on this Res thinks you're too imposing to talk to, so I get all the complaints instead. They seem to think I have control over your actions somehow," he scoffed. "So? Out with it."

I sighed in defeat, feeling very much the sixteen-year-old I was used to being.

"I'm headed over to Quil's. I talked to Maya last night and she reminded me that bridges don't get built until someone lays down the first stone."

"She's a smart girl," Dad said approvingly. "But do you really think that's a good idea? That kid was about a hair's breadth away from clawing your eyes out. I'm pretty sure they don't grow back, no matter who you are, Jake." I nodded in agreement,

"I know, but I have to try, If Quil sees that I'm making the effort, maybe he'll talk to me again." My dad studied what was probably my broken expression for a long moment and his face softened.

"Whatever you say, Jake. Don't forget I warned you, though," he said sternly. I gave him my best smile and reached for the cereal.

"When have I ever been able to take good advice Dad?"

"That's my boy," he smiled.

I took my time walking to Quil's house, letting the changes in the Res sink in. Surprisingly, there weren't many. A few new cars, a couple of re-modelled houses, but other than that, my house seemed to be the only new addition and I was yet to see an unfamiliar adult face. It was still unsettling getting used to seeing how people had aged – it was like some sickness had overtaken the place overnight, leaving everyone looking a little more grey and wrinkled, or in the kids' case, a little taller and with a bad attitude.

Billy had told me that Quil still lived in his old place – his grandfather having died when we were twenty leaving his mother and himself behind. My heart grieved for Quil – growing up without his dad, his grandfather was the male role-model in his life, and I knew that losing him would have been extremely tough on not just my friend, but the Reservation when it lost its spiritual guidance.

His house had been painted a different colour, and I could tell there had been some other modifications over the years, but there was no mistaking it. This was the place I'd come to after school when going home to a house without my mom was too difficult in the months following her death. I was fostered by Joy Ateara, Tiffany Call and Sue Clearwater in those times, and the three women I'd come to respect so much would always have a place in my heart for what they did for me. I was a lost child, afraid of what it meant to grow up without a mother – I should have known that in La Push, no-one is ever really orphaned, we have a family and community which leaves no person behind.

Nearing the front door, I could hear the sounds of wood work going on inside – there was no mistaking the clash of hammer and chisel, or sand paper being dragged across a rough surface. I suddenly remembered Maya mentioning that Quil was a carpenter – I guessed he must have worked from home, and I found myself intrigued as to whether he was any good at it. Quil had always been a boisterous, immature smart-ass, in the best possible way. I was having trouble reconciling that Quil to the one I was preparing myself to talk to, who had mastered the patience and dedication it required to excel at his craft. I knew already that there was a lot about this Quil I'd have to re-learn, and I hoped some of that patience would be extended to me.

I tool a long, steadying breath and knocked on the door. The sounds from inside stopped immediately, and after a hesitation, I could hear barefooted steps coming in the direction of the door. It swung open and the good-natured smile gracing my friend's face fell away, leaving a glare in its place as he slammed the door shut immediately.

"Quil?" I stammered through the wood. "I know I have no right to be here, and you're well within your rights not to speak to me, but I'd really like the chance to talk, if you were up for it." There was no response.

"I'm sorry for how I treated you, I really am. I'll say it every single day if you want me to, but I think you deserve a chance to let me have it, don't you?" I heard a sigh from the other side of the door and a dull thud as he slumped against it.

"Go away, Jacob. What part of 'I'm done' didn't you understand? We haven't been friends in a long time, there's nothing you can say to make me forgive you." His voice was cracked and weary, and I could tell he was fighting with himself over something.

"I understand that, and I'm not looking for forgiveness, I just want to give you the chance to talk to me. I got the feeling yesterday that it wasn't the full story. Everyone else is too afraid to talk to me – I don't know, I guess they're worried or something. You don't have to worry about me, I know you must be dying to have it out with me," I bargained. I head him move away from the door and turn around.

"Why should I do anything for you? I've spent the last few years trying to be your friend and I got nothing in return but pain and reprimand. Why should I care if you hit your head and suddenly you're Mr. Sunshine again?" he spat. I'd never heard Quil speak so coldly before, and I shivered involuntarily at the chill in his voice.

"Because we were friends a lot longer than we weren't. I know I don't deserve to have you in my life, but as far as I'm concerned, you're my brother. There's nothing I wouldn't do for you. Please believe that," I pleaded. The door clicked as he unlocked it, and opened a crack, just enough for him to peer out and study me suspiciously.

"You really are different, aren't you?" It was a statement rather than a question.

"So I've been told. Look, I've heard what a nightmare I've been, and I've never been so ashamed in all my life – I can't believe what I did to you – I'm really sorry, man," I said. I could feel a lump at the back of my throat as I spoke to him, and I willed my emotions back. Quil needed my remorse, but not my tears. He backed away from the door and let it swing open. I followed his retreating figure into the kitchen, where he retrieved a beer from the fridge and twisted the top off, gulping down half the contents in one swift motion. He didn't offer me one. I followed his lead and sat at the kitchen table across from him, and studied the wood. It was similar to the one in my house, and I came to a realisation.

"You made this?" I asked, knowing it was off-topic but not sure what else to say. He didn't respond as he studied the label of his beer. "It's the same as a lot of the furniture in my house, your handiwork too?" He rose his eyes to look at me coldly, clearly losing patience at my digression.

"Yeah, I made all the furniture you have. It was a house-warming gift, back when I still gave a shit about you," he said evenly. I nodded as I ran my hand over the top of the wood.

"It's beautiful. You're really talented, Quil." He sighed impatiently and looked away.

"Look are you gonna talk or can I go back to work – I've got a lot of orders to meet by the end of the month and you coming over here to flatter me isn't going to get them done any quicker."

I nodded in acquiesce and cleared my throat.

"Thanks for talking to me, I know I don't deserve it, whatsoever, but if you'll give me a chance. I'm going to try to make things right between us. I don't know how yet, but I will."

"I'll take your word for it, although I can't see it happening any time soon."

"I get that, really I do. I don't know why I turned into the royal douchebag I did, but I'm not going to be that person ever again. I still don't know what could have happened to make me into that... that monster," I sighed helplessly.

"It wasn't overnight. You started out just being your regular self with a side of dick, then you slowly became this asshole who would listen to no-one."

"Why didn't you leave the Pack, Quil? I mean, I would have if it was the other way round – Embry got out when he could."

"I made promises to people that I'd stay. I promised Embry that I'd stick around to keep an eye on you," he began. "And right around the time Sam died, my Grandpa got sick. He was going through this whole 'Ateara bloodline' thing and he kept telling me how proud he was that I'd become a shifter, just like his dad. He kept making me promise to fulfil my destiny and carry on our family's 'proud heritage'" he air-quoted. "When he died, I couldn't bring myself to deny his final wishes."

"I'm really sorry about your Grandpa," I said softly. He looked to my eyes and I could see the remnants of pain behind this own.

"'S okay. It was five years ago. It's not like it's news."

"Still, I know how close you guys were, I can't imagine losing my dad – I'm really sorry, man."

"You already extended your condolences, Jake. It's not like you weren't at his funeral," he said matter-of-factly. I just nodded, knowing that I probably wasn't much of a comfort to him at the time, but I decided not to say that. "So anyway, if you think I stuck around because of you, you're wrong."

"I get that – I wouldn't stick around for me either." He turned his gaze to a spot on the wall behind me, and I knew he was re-living some memory by the look on his face.

"You know, apart from the whole losing Sam thing, I was really stoked you were taking over as Alpha. I knew you had all these plans to make things better for us – but they all just went to shit. It was like something snapped in you."

"Do you know what it was?" I asked tentatively. He gave a half-shrug.

"I have some theories, but when you became Alpha you gained the ability to block off your mind, so none of us really knew what you were thinking unless you wanted us to. I think you were mad at him, mostly."

"Mad at who, Sam?" I said confusedly. I couldn't imagine being pissed off at someone for dying.

"You and Sam became really close after the whole Bella thing. He'd always give you one-on-one time and go running with you, trying to help you get a hold on your anger. Not that it helped much," he said bitterly. I was desperate to ask what the 'Bella thing' was, but I was so relieved he was talking freely to me that I let it go. I sat in silence, letting his words paint a picture of a time in our lives that felt foreign to me.

"You had such a fucking chip on your shoulder even then. That's when the hunts started."

"Hunts?" I croaked fearfully, This didn't sound good at all.

"You became this like... machine. You swore death on all vampires and you crossed the line from protector to vigilante. You started going off on your own, seeking out covens by yourself and trying to take them out. Of course, more often than not, you got into trouble and the rest of us would have to back you up. It was when they started following you home that Sam got angry."

My head was reeling. I couldn't believe how stupid I would have to be to actively seek out fights with vampires. It was borderline suicidal.

"Fuck. What the hell was I thinking?" I breathed. Quil just snorted harshly.

"Don't ask me – you got all secretive and avoided phasing with Em and me, probably knowing we'd stop you." My stomach gave a horrible lurch as my next question came to mind.

"When Sam died-"

"He was jumping in to save you. You'd stumbled across two newborns and led them back here, and taken out one, but the second one got the jump on you. It was then that Sam showed up," he said morosely.

"It's my fault," I choked, meeting his eyes once again, and was surprised to see they actually held a degree of pity.

"No-one blamed you more than you blamed yourself. You just shut down – started freezing everyone out. Then you got angry at him."

"At Sam?" I clarified. He nodded curtly.

"You said a real Alpha wouldn't have died – if Sam was a proper Alpha he'd still be here." I shook my head in disbelief. There had to have been something seriously wrong with me to blame Sam for dying. I guessed that my guilt was the real reason for my anger.

"I must have been seriously fucked up," I said. Quil gave me a bitter smirk and looked away.

"That's one way of putting it. I guess you started pulling away from everyone because you couldn't handle the guilt – if you were just our Alpha, not our friend, you couldn't get hurt again." I nodded slowly, studying my hands. It made sense, and I was impressed by Quil's astute observations. He really wasn't the knucklehead I knew from before.

"I can't believe I handled everything so badly," I mused.

"You did make some good changes when you took over. You were more strict with us, and we're all better in a crisis down to your training – but you took it too far," he said begrudgingly.

"How?" I said, not being able to form a more eloquent sentence.

"You kicked our training up a notch at first. Had us run through standard drills and then you progressed into war games. You said the time may come that we have to capture our targets for information if a larger coven was threatening us. You had us work on control, started Fight Club-"

"Fight Club?" I interrupted, and he nodded, actually beginning to smile at me.

"We all loved the idea at first. You'd have us fight as humans in the clearing by the cliffs. We weren't allowed to phase if we felt threatened. You said it would teach us control and discipline." I actually liked the sound of that- it was a good decision amongst a myriad of bad ones.

"Of course, you eventually sucked the fun out of that, since we were enjoying it too much. You were better at doling out punishments than rewards."

"Quil what I did to you..."

"I didn't deserve, yeah, believe me, I know. I guess I rubbed you up the wrong way more often than not, but I didn't want to give up on you. Guess you showed me," he snorted darkly.

"There's no excuse for what I put you through – beating you, forbidding you from speaking to Claire-" I said, before something occurred to me. "How exactly did that work? I thought an Alpha couldn't order a wolf away from their imprint."

"You got round it," he muttered irritatedly. "I could still see her, I just wasn't allowed to talk to her. So I'd just sit there in silence as she asked me questions and didn't have them answered. I think that was even worse than the operation," he said, cringing. My head fell into my hands as I took a steadying breath.

"I'm so sorry, man."

"Yeah, you've said that – you can stop now. I guess you made an example of me. Believe me, the message was received loud and clear by the guys. No-one spoke a mutinous word against you again."

I was at a loss for words – apologies were the only things coming to mind but I knew he'd heard enough.

"Is there anything I can do to start making it up to you?" I asked. He snorted at me again and stood up from the table.

"You can leave," he said simply. "Look Jake, I know you feel shitty and all, and you want to just fist bump and have me say its all good, but I'm not going to get over this easily. It's still freaking me out how different you are." he held up a hand gesturing towards me before letting it fall limply to his side. "Just leave me alone for a while, you're messing with my head right now and I need to make peace with some stuff before I can think about forgiving you." I moved to stand and nodded glumly. I'd gotten more today than I'd hoped for, and couldn't help the flicker of optimism in my gut that he'd talked about maybe, one day, eventually forgiving me.

"I get it. Thanks Quil, for you know, talking to me, not trying to tear my throat out like I'm sure you wanted to." He shrugged and turned back towards what I assumed was his work shop. It was in the room his grandfather had once occupied.

"I didn't do it for you. I wanted to see your face when you heard all the horrible shit you've done," he said curtly. I fought back a smirk as I followed him with my gaze. "I won't say I wasn't tempted to give you a beat down, but there's not a lot of damage an Omega can inflict on their Alpha anyway."

"That's the first thing I'm changing man – you're far too valuable to be an Omega. Fuck knows why I did that," I said with enthusiasm at the prospect of making a positive change in his life. He shrugged nonchalantly, but I could detect relief in his posture.

"Whatever. You can see yourself out," he called back, before stopping. "Oh and Jacob? I sure as fuck am not going to be the one to tell you what happened to Bella. I'm taking an extended vacation the day you find _that _out," he said. "So don't even think about asking me." I shot him a salute and smiled at his ability to read me even after we hadn't been friends in a while.

"Duly noted, man."

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**A/N: Man I love Quil! Jake's bromance with him and Embry is so important to me, and it's definitely one of the relationships I most want to repair. It's going to take Quil a while, but he'll come round.**

**So we get a little more insight into what happened to Jacob when he became Alpha – sounds like he was more like a General of an army than the leader of a wolf-pack. He took his role a little too seriously.**

**I'd like to thank my friend, Ruth Mc for coming up with the idea of Wolfy Fight Club – the mental image of the guys shirtless and sweaty, wrestling in the forest was too wonderful to pass up. She also helped come up with some of the horrible punishments Jake inflicted on Quil, so if you were crying at Quil's pain, blame her as well as me!**

**Excited to hear your thoughts!**


	7. Dream Lover, Where Are You?

_Disclaimer:_ _All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise._ _No copyright infringement is intended._

**A/N: Lyrics in this chapter are from Dream Lover by Bobby Darin.**

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**Chapter Seven: Dream Lover, Where Are You?**

The walk back to my house was a lot quicker with some of the burden of my guilt starting to lift. Things were far from perfect, but Quil was talking to me again – a fact that I'd hardly have believed when I left for his house that morning. I didn't know whether it was just down to his forgiving nature or that he was starting to pity me for losing such a huge chunk of myself. Whatever it was, I was grateful for it. Quil would be my friend again – or I'd die trying to make it up to him.

I reached the dirt path I knew took me to my own house and noticed an unfamiliar car parked outside. My heart quickened at the prospect of having another visitor – twin feelings of apprehension and hope battling for dominance in my chest. I neared the porch hesitantly, when the front door swung open and out strode Paul, dressed in jeans and a sleeveless shirt and munching on an apple.

"What's up, Memento? Heard you've got dementia," he greeted, grinning darkly. I stiffened immediately in his presence. Paul was probably my least favourite of all the Pack, and probably the only one I wasn't anxious to see.

"What are you doing here, Lahote? Isn't there some poor innocent girl you could be infecting with gonorrhoea right about now?" I grumbled, beginning to climb the steps. He just laughed at me and continued chewing loudly. That should have been my first clue – Paul never laughed when insulted.

"Jakey, Jakey," he mocked, shaking his head. "Is that any way to speak to your Beta-slash-brother-in-law?" I froze at that. No fucking way.

"No way I made you Beta, and no way I let you near Becca or Rachel. Fuck no!" I groaned, watching the smirk on his face grow into a full-blown smile.

"Can't argue with an imprint, dude. Rach and I have been together, oh, nine years now?" he teased. I buried my face in my hands. This could not be happening. I couldn't even find it in me to be angry, I was just so drained from the past few days that I was actually willing myself to forget what he'd just said. It was too nauseating.

"Tell me you're kidding?" I begged as he just laughed hoarsely at me.

"Oh man, I thought it was fun the first time I told you, but it's even better second time round," he stammered through his mirth.

"You're kidding about the Beta thing, right? Or was I really fucking insane?" I said, looking up to him from where I stood on the third step from the top. He shook his head and took another loud bite from his apple.

"Who else would have the cojones to put up with your moody ass, huh?" he asked, grabbing his crotch and thrusting vulgarly at me. Before I could answer, Rachel's voice called out in reprimand.

"Paul, stop being disgusting. No wonder I wont let you impregnate me with your DNA," she said, pushing past him. Her eyes locked on me and a gasp left her as she placed a hand to her throat. She rushed over to me and hugged my head, taking advantage of the fact I was a few steps below her.

"Jake! Don't you ever scare me like that again. You nearly gave me heart failure, little brother!" she gushed, pulling back to look at me and cupping my cheeks with her hands.

"Yeah, well I don't feel so good myself after what _he _just told me," I whined, pointing an accusing finger at a very smug Paul. She scoffed and threw a dismissive hand in his direction.

"Don't mind him, he's just here to be a nuisance, as usual," she said, rolling her eyes.

"So he's lying?" I said hopefully. _Please say yes._

"Oh no, he's telling the truth. He's just being a dick about it," she replied, and my heart sank.

"_Paul,_ Rach?_ Really? _It couldn't have been Embry or Seth? Fuck, _Leah _would have been better than him," I lamented. Rachel tried to hide the smirk from her face before glancing back at her husband.

"I don't know either, Jake. Can't argue with an imprint," she shrugged, and I thought I'd lose my breakfast when he winked at her.

We spent afternoon having an early dinner while Rachel caught me up to speed on her life. She lived with Paul in what used to be our nearest neighbour's old house, and they'd imprinted right after she moved back from college when she graduated. She'd put her degree to used at the hospital and several local business by creating electronic filing systems and accounts databases. She mostly worked free-lance, but she said with both her and Paul's combined income from his plumbing job, they were both doing okay.

I was still trying to get my head around the difference in Paul. He was still easy to anger, but seemed to quickly push it down, and retain his control for Rachel's sake and in front of Billy. It was obvious that my dad's opinion of him was really important, and I felt slightly betrayed that my father had seemed to take to him like an extra parent. It was making me uncomfortable to realise that Paul had been the calmer of the two of us lately as my Beta. I'd named him in the position after I'd busted Quil down to Omega, and none of the other guys would step up to the plate. I didn't have to guess why that was – my last Beta had been treated like dirt and the rest probably hadn't wanted to fill the vacancy.

I wondered if maybe Paul would be the one to come clean to me about Bella, and ventured the question while we were alone in the living room, Rachel and Dad having volunteered to wash up following dinner. Paul's expression darkened and he stiffened in his seat, like I'd said something deeply offensive without realising.

"No way, dude. We had a Pack meeting last night to talk about how to handle your..." he gestured absently towards my face as he found the right word, "...episode." Seems the Doc thinks it would be too much of a setback for you to learn everything right now, and we've all been advised to keep the information we tell you as current as we can." I frowned in response.

"Quil didn't seem to know that. I went by his house today and he filled me in on what I was like with training and after Sam died." He grunted in frustration at that.

"That little prick still can't follow orders and was just dying to go running his mouth. Sorry if it fucked with your head, man," he said genuinely.

"It's okay. I'm getting used to hearing bad news. I'm kind of expecting it now."

"Yeah you weren't exactly a blast in a glass, but I kinda liked you better that way. At least you weren't Mr. Goody-Goody and constantly on your high horse," he confessed smugly.

"I don't have a high-horse," I said petulantly. He grinned at me in that suspicious way he does and clapped me on the back.

"Sure you don't," he said patronisingly. "I'm just saying, 'Asshole Jake' was my kind of people."

If I didn't have enough reason before – I definitely never wanted to revert to that version of myself again – not when it made Paul Lahote bond with me. Asshole Jake was dead and buried, never to return again, as long as I could help it. _Shudder._

My dreams that night were of Bella once again. I was sifting through the memories I had of us together – working on the bikes in my garage, relaxing on the beach, picking her up from school on my bike. I was particularly enjoying the last one – the feeling of her slender arms wrapped around my waist, her head laid on my back as I shielded her from the wind. Just being close to her sent my hormones into overdrive, and I recalled fighting the urge to kiss her when I took off her helmet. Her hair tangled softly between my fingers as I pulled her into a hug, and the memory of her scent washed over me – vanilla and strawberries; she smelled like home. I closed my eyes and breathed it in, realising upon opening them that we were no longer outside my house. I figured lucidly that the memory had bled into a dream, as my gaze was locked with two melted pools of chocolate, crinkled at the corners in a breathtaking smile.

"Reason number twenty-six. Sleepy snuggles," I heard myself say.

Bella leaned forward and placed a soft kiss on the end of my nose. We were in a bed, I realised. A sheet was pulled over both our heads as a makeshift fort, and the morning sunlight permeated the fabric, illuminating Bella's naked skin where she laid on her side, cheek resting softly on a white, cotton pillow. She was stunning. I had spent many an adolescent hour imagining what Bella Swan looked like without clothes on - but never in such vivid detail, and she never looked as good as this. She was slim, but still had a soft, feminine curve to her figure. Her flat stomach teased an expanse of creamy white skin just begging to be kissed, and the limited light danced off her shoulder and round hip, making her positively luminous. Soft brown waves cascaded around her face and rested between her perfect breasts and she had one smooth leg pulled up towards her, curling into my warmth. Perfection personified.

She bit her bottom lip adorably in contemplation as she furrowed her brow.

"Umm... reason number twenty-seven. Sunbathing," she smiled.

"Oh yeah? Got a bikini I have yet to see, Bells?" I teased, pulling her closer to my body as I snaked an arm around her waist. She squeaked as I brushed a sensitive spot under her rib. _Hmm... ticklish?_

"I might be a little biased, but I don't really think you need one, I'm sure no-one else would mind either," I said lustfully, trailing my forefinger along the curve of her breast, softly grazing her dusky-pink nipple. She blushed adorably and pressed her nose further into the pillow, attempting to hide it from me. I kissed her heated cheek and nuzzled my nose into her skin. She felt heavenly.

"Jaaa-ake!" she groaned half-heartedly through her smile, and the most delicious scent reached my nose – it was similar to her familiar one – fruity and sweet, but hat a tangy undercurrent that I instinctively identified as arousal. A noise of contentment rumbled in my chest as I nipped lightly at her ear-lobe.

"Reason number twenty-eight. Blushes," I whispered, moving my hand to cup her perfect ass. I squeezed gently and was rewarded with the sexiest little moan I'd ever heard.

"I thought we were looking for positive reasons, Jake," she panted. She was getting more and more turned-on and I was getting hard just from the sounds and scents radiating from her.

"That _is_ positive," I said matter-of-factly, trailing my lips over her jawline and neck, tasting her skin and marvelling that I could smell myself on her, too. "I happen to love your blushes. Especially when I make you come," I whispered.

Bella turned on to her back and pulled my head down for a heated, passionate kiss. Her hands were tugging gently on my hair and I felt her legs open automatically and welcome my body between them.

"Twenty-nine," she said, pulling away to look at me through hooded eyes. "The taste of your kisses." She captured my lips with hers again and I positioned myself at her entrance. She was slick and aroused and I wanted to lose control and bury myself inside her for the rest of my days.

"Why don't I show you reason number two again?" I said, teasing her with the head of my shaft until she was writhing underneath me.

"Yeah, I think I've forgotten," she breathed, before taking my bottom lip between her teeth and suckling gently. I pushed inside her and we both gasped at the contact. It felt right.

Destined.

Meant to be.

I slowly started rocking into her and her eyes rolled back in pleasure. I could feel my own pride that I was having such an effect on her and she kissed me hungrily before speaking to my lips. "There's no forgetting reason number one though," she said, her eyes meeting mine again, I felt like I could fall into them, and had no desire to stop myself.

"Oh yeah? What's reason number one again?" I asked tauntingly. I already knew what it was. I wanted to hear her say it. She rolled us over easily, putting herself on top and leaning over me to brush a lock of hair from my eye as the sheet fell away. The sunlight from the window bounced off her hair and cheek as I noticed for the first time that we were in my bedroom, home, at Billy's.

"Reason Number One of Why Not To Become A Vampire," she said, gazing at me intently. I searched her eyes and what I saw there made my heart swell with pride. It was lust. Affection. Contentment. Hope. Love.

"Because I'm in love with Jacob Black."

I woke up with a start, sweating like I'd just ran two marathons and gulping air into my starved lungs. I was alone – there was no Bella, no sunlight, no soft kisses and playful talk beneath cotton sheets. I ran a shaking hand through my hair as I swung my legs over the side of the bed. My heart was thudding and I blinked several times, each one bringing back the image of Bella, naked and in my arms. I tried to shake away the cobwebs and calm myself as I contemplated the dream. I'd been awash with images, each more vivid than the last until the dream had taken over and assaulted my senses. I could still taste her lips, feel her skin, smell her arousal as if it was as real as the preceding memories of our friendship. The thing was, I couldn't tell the difference between the dream and the memories any more.

In fact, I didn't think it was a dream at all.

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_Dream lover, where are you_  
_With a love, oh, so true_  
_And the hand that I can hold_  
_To feel you near as I grow old_  
_'Cause I want a girl to call my own _  
_I want a dream lover_  
_So I don't have to dream alone_

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**A/N: Hmmm... Wonder why that could, be Jake?**

**I finished this short chapter up early so didn't see the harm in posting. **

**This chapter is for WolfGirl.1989 on FF, who wanted to see some Paul. I was planning on bringing him in soon, so thought – why not now, since he's been asked for! I try to listen to you guys as much as I can and integrate your wishes into my stories if it's possible. Be sure to tell me if there's something you want to see. (Apart from Bella, Y'all aren't ready for her yet.)**

**Thoughts?**

**A/N 2: I'd like to draw everyone's attention to the M rating on this story. I've planned out the next few chapters, and there will be more mature themes coming up which are of a sensitive nature and may be triggers for some of you. If you're affected by issues like suicide, drug abuse, miscarriage, abortion, domestic abuse or other self destructive behaviours, you many want to stop reading. I'm not saying all, or even a lot of those topics are covered (I don't want to give away the plot), but you get the general idea.**

**Also, apologies for not putting this at the beginning of the story – in all honestly, the plot has kind of grown of its own accord and I wasn't decided on including a certain aspect of the story until now. I wouldn't drop a bomb on you guys without a heads-up.**


	8. Short Story of a Lonely Guy

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

**A/N: Suggested listening: Story of A Lonely Guy by Blink 182**

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**Chapter Eight: Short Story of a Lonely Guy **

Stumbling to the bathroom, I felt around for the light switch before splashing water on my face. My skin felt like it was burning up, and my head throbbed worse than it had when I'd first come round after the attack. I studied my reflection in the mirror. Dark circles under my eyes were the only indication I'd aged any, and I knew it was mostly due to the rollercoaster of a head-fuck I'd been through the past few days. I made my way to the kitchen and slumped down at the table, not bothering to switch on the light and just cradling my head in my hands as the remnants of the memory which had just surfaced played on a loop.

It was too real to be a product of my imagination – the sensations were vivid enough to have really happened and my head ached as I struggled to make sense of everything in my mind. Bella and I had been together, we'd been lovers – she'd chosen not to become a vampire, for me. How was it that she still wasn't here? If she'd chosen me over Cullen, why weren't we married now and fulfilling the hopes for the future our teenage selves had created? I sighed and pressed my fingers into my closed eyes. The migraine I'd had since waking was getting worse, and my stomach was deciding to join in on the 'Fuck My Life' party and roiled with sickness. I heard a click of a light switch as my dad entered the room, still in his sleeping attire and looking bleary and barely coherent.

"What's going on, Jake?" he croaked, shielding his eyes from the intrusion of brightness. What a loaded question that was – I didn't have a clue.

"Had a dream," I muttered. "Don't feel so good now."

"A nightmare? I guess those are to be expected, what with all you're having to process. Just try calming yourself down and get back to bed," he said dismissively. "Anything I can do?"

"It wasn't a nightmare, dad. It was a good dream – a fantastic dream," I countered, before shaking my head. "I think- Well, I don't think it was really a dream at all. It felt more like a memory." My dad froze at that.

"You're remembering things?" he asked warily. I nodded half-heartedly.

"It's the first thing I've remembered since- since this all started, but it doesn't make any sense, so I don't know if it was real or not," I said helplessly.

"Well why don't you run it by me and I might know if it happened or not?" he said, wheeling towards the table and applying the break.

"It was about Bella," I sighed, and I didn't miss the flicker of apprehension in his expression.

"What about her?"

"It was a really intimate moment, it was like... like we were lovers," I said, feeling uncomfortable at the nature of the discussion we were having.

"I see," he said non-committally. "Are you sure it wasn't a left-over fantasy? Lord knows she was on your mind a lot when you were hung up on her." I shook my head in reply.

"It wasn't like any fantasy I've ever had. It was too real – too detailed to have been something I came up with on my own," I said. Dad cleared his throat awkwardly and tore his gaze away from me.

"And then there was what we were talking about," I continued. "That's what's throwing me for a loop the most." Dad didn't answer, just waited patiently for me to finish the story. "She was talking about why she chose not to become a vampire – she was saying she's in love with me. But that never happened, right, Dad? If Bella was in love with me, if she'd chosen me to be with, wouldn't we still be together?"

Dad suddenly seemed to find his hands very interesting. After a long moment, he wheeled away from the table, back towards his bedroom, and returned with his jacket laid across his lap. He grabbed his car keys from the kitchen counter and came back over beside me again.

"I think you'd better come with me, Jacob. I have to show you something."

The drive back to my childhood home was silent. I was still reeling from the force of the dream-memory, and Dad seemed unwilling to talk more until we'd reached the house. He unlocked the front door and ushered me inside. The house was pretty much the same as always, save for a wedding photo of Rachel and Paul, and one of myself in a graduation gown. It always made me feel weird when I saw evidence of an event in my life I had no memory of. Hearing about it was one thing, but seeing it in front of me was a whole different matter entirely.

I realised Dad had continued past the living room, down the narrow hallway towards my old bedroom, My steps faltered as I saw him swich the light on and disappear inside. That room had been my sanctuary, my home base for my formative years, and part of me was afraid of the memories it would hold for me. I edged closer to the light and hesitated in the doorway. It was exactly the same. The posters on my wall had faded from sun-light, and it was a lot tidier than I'd ever kept it, but everything from the carpeted floor to the sheets on the bed were the same as they'd ever been. My dad had kept this place just as I had, and my heart warmed that he'd never given up hope that one day I'd come back home to him.

"What are we doing here, Dad? I asked hesitantly." He was still and silent and ad positioned his chair next to my bed, facing my battered, old, free-standing wardrobe.

"I told you, there's something you should see," he said cryptically, before raising a hand and pointing in front of him. "Check behind the wardrobe."

I passed him slowly, trying to get a look at his expression. It was stoic and detached, just like his body language, but I knew he was nervous about something. My curiosity as to what this mysterious thing he wanted to show me was propelled me further past him and I looked behind the aforementioned closet. I couldn't see much, since it was hidden in shadow and I could smell a thick blanket of dust which tickled my nose. Dad seemed pretty sure of himself though, and I slid my hand behind the back-board and the wall, coming into contact with the corner of something. It was wooden, and flat – it felt like a picture frame, but when I lifted it slightly, I knew it was too light to be that. I grasped it with one hand and carefully pulled it out into the light and moved back beside Dad. I looked at the large object in my hands, and my feet buckled from under me, leaving me slouched heavily on the bed.

It was a cork message board, about three feet by two feet in size, and it was covered on every available surface with photos, ticket stubs, and various memorabilia. What made my heart lurch though, was that in every single picture, smiling happily with an expression full of love and contentment, was Bella.

"Where-" I choked. "Is this mine?" I asked weakly. I couldn't tear my eyes away from the photos. There were some of us on the beach together, from both before and after my transformation. There was one of Bella, Quil and Embry in the garage, and she was carefully sandwiched between my two best friends, their faces pressed together as she held their heads in place, each of them sticking their tongue out at the camera or flipping it off mischievously. Another one was from a bonfire, where I was sat in the sand with my back against a log, and Bella carefully nestled between my open knees, laid against my chest with a sleepy smile on her face.

One featuring Billy warmed my heart. Bella was crouched down to his level, her arm outstretched, indicating she had been holding the camera, as she placed a gentle kiss on his cheek as my dad beamed proudly. As I got further down, the photos of various pack get-togethers, parties and bonfires gave way to more intimate settings. There was one of Bella and I alone on the beach, as I took a photo of us kissing passionately, Bella's hair swirling wildly around us in the wind. The next was an image not unlike the one in my dream. Bella laid her head on my chest as I held the camera facing us, our naked forms covered only by a thin sheet, hi-lighting the light glow of perspiration on our skin and how Bella's and my hair was dishevelled in the aftermath of our passion. The best one, however was one which looked like it had been taken down and replaced many times. It had several pin-pricks from where the drawing pin had been removed and pushed back in repeatedly, and the corners were crinkled from wear. I was asleep against a wrinkled pillow, my chest bare and exposed on one side, while the other was occupied by Bella. She was on her side, curled into me as her slender arm lead towards the camera identifying her as the photographer. She had a sheet pulled around her, covering her modesty, as she leaned towards, me, a smile gracing her delicate face as she pressed a kiss to my temple, myself completely unaware of her actions as I was lost to my dreams. Someone had kept this photo with them, holding it and absorbing it in the hope that it would burn its way into their memory. I had a feeling that someone was me.

"It was Bella's," my dad answered finally. "You took it from her room after she moved away."

"The dream – it was real? We really were together?" I breathed, hardly believing it even though the photo evidence was right in my hands.

"You were. She loved you, Jacob. Very much," he said morosely, and I could detect the beginnings of a sob strangling his usually deep baritone.

"How long?" I asked, my gaze roaming over the pictures for the tenth time. "There has to be a year's worth of pictures here..."

"A month. You were together only a month, but believe me, you had a lifetime's worth of love in those weeks. Bella told me at the time she wanted to document everything – she was never without a camera. She said that when the leech left her, she had nothing to remember him by. If something went wrong between you, she wanted to have everything recorded so she'd never forget."

"But... but she left this all behind. What happened, Dad?" I croaked, looking back to him again at last. He looked pained and full of regret, and for a long moment, I thought he was going to shut me down again, just like any other time I'd mentioned Bella, but he drew a deep, staggering breath and began to speak.

"When you were injured in the battle with the newborns, you kept calling out for Bella, but she was no-where to be found. They'd really done a number on you – every bone on one side of your body was crushed, and Carlisle Cullen had to break and re-set each one to combat your accelerated healing," Finally it made sense to me why he was allowed on our lands – it had all started to save me.

"You were doped up on medication, and had a fever that made you hallucinate and talk in your sleep as your body fought off the damage. You kept telling us that you had kissed Bella, that she had chosen you, but no-one could find her anywhere, not even Edward. We found out from Charlie after you recovered some that she'd shown up at her Mom's house. She called you to say she needed space, that she had a lot to think about and didn't want you to worry, but that things had changed and she needed to make some decisions. You were a nightmare for the next two months," he smiled ruefully. "Charlie had his work cut out keeping you and Edward calm, and the constant phone calls enquiring about Bella drove him up the wall." I didn't have a hard time imagining that. I would have moved heaven and Earth to see her if she hadn't asked me to keep away.

"After the second month was up, you and I were having dinner here in the kitchen. You'd been moping around like a love-sick puppy but I'll never forget how your face lit up when you heard her truck rumbling into the drive way," he smiled in memory. "I don't think she'd even had a chance to unbuckle her seat-belt before you had her in your arms and you were kissing like you were the only two people in the world. She'd come back and she'd chosen you, and what followed was a month of the happiest times I've ever seen you have in your entire life. You started dating, she was welcomed formally into the pack, and you were joined at the hip like glue." He started chuckling softly as he recounted the fairytale.

I found myself smiling wistfully at his words. It sounded like pure bliss. Bella had chosen me and we'd actually been together, made love, made plans, become a part of each other. She'd given up eternity – for me. But a sense of foreboding at the next part of the story wiped the happy mood straight off my face.

"What went wrong?"

My dad blew out a breath and looked down at his hands – I knew it was going to be painful to hear and I found my muscles tensing; bracing myself for what was to come.

"To this day, I don't really know, Jacob," he said morosely. "About a month after she got back, Bella said she'd been avoiding the Cullens long enough and went to talk to Edward. When she eventually came back, a week had passed. She'd been avoiding you and asking Charlie to take her calls. When she finally came to see you, she was... different." My heart clenched in dread. I knew it was past events he was reliving, but I couldn't help but wish I could remember going through this, so I knew what he meant.

"Different how? Like, leech different? Did he change her?" I said, my voice growing louder along with my increasing panic. I couldn't believe I'd let her go see him and he'd taken her life away, that our future had been destroyed with a single bite. Was that why Maya had only met Carlisle and his wife? Had I killed Edward Cullen for turning Bella?

"No, no, you don't understand, Jake. I mean, she was acting different. She was still human, but she wasn't the same, blissful Bella who'd left," he said vaguely. "She spent a day with you at the beach, but I remember you telling me that something was wrong, and that she wouldn't say what it was, You were scared, you knew something bad was coming but you were powerless to stop it."

"What was coming?" I asked fearfully. My dad took a deep breath and pulled my hand into his own.

"She left you, Jake. She said you needed to talk and she told you she'd changed her mind – going to the Cullens had reminded her what she was giving up for you, and she didn't want to do it any more," He said. I felt like my world was collapsing. The odd ringing in my ears was back and my vision tunnelled until all I could see was the picture of Bella and I together in bed, happy and in love and without a care in the world.

"No," I choked out. "She wouldn't leave me. Not when we had all this." I gestured towards the board of photos which now seemed to just mock and tease me that I'd had true happiness for a short time before it was ripped away from me like a cruel joke.

"You weren't yourself after that. You gave in to the wolf and disappeared for two weeks. We thought you'd gone to get Bella back, since she'd moved away with the Cullens, but you came back alone and the guys said you'd just lived as an animal. I think it was just your way of handling the pain."

I felt the urge to phase for the first time in days, The white-hot heat creeped up my spine but I drew deep breaths willing it back. If I phased, I'd probably have to see this whole thing for myself in my brother's memories, and there was no telling what that would drive me to. I owed it to the bridges I'd been rebuilding to stay calm and hear my dad out.

"It was then that Sam took you under his wing. He helped you get control on your anger and you seemed to be doing a lot better, until about a year later when Jared got injured protecting the reservation."

"What does Jared getting injured have to do with anything?" I spat. I was losing patience with having to ask the simplest questions in the effort to just piece the puzzle of my life together.

"Because we couldn't treat him by ourselves and we couldn't take him to the hospital. Sam sent Seth to retrieve Carlisle Cullen – they'd moved to Alaska to be with some friends of theirs and he was the only doctor who had the abilities and know-how to help. That's when the treaty was amended to allow him to cross on to our lands if one of the pack needed medical help – but he didn't come alone."

"Yeah, he told me before. He brought his wife, right?" Dad shook his head.

"He brought Edward."

"Edward? But why would he leave Bella? He was like a filthy stalker when they were together, and he just jumps state to help one of us?"

"Apparently, Edward has several medical degrees, and came to assist his uh, father, with his work here. But you knew something was up then. You said the same thing about him leaving Bella once you heard he was coming. You attacked him as soon as Jared was stable and demanded to know where Bella was. It was then we found out that she'd left him, too."

I was speechless.

"But.. you said she left me to be with him..." I stammered. Dad sighed and shrugged.

"That's what she told you at the time, but it wasn't the full story. Edward came clean to you, and you tried to kill him before Sam stopped you, citing the treaty to avoid a war with the Cullens and the other coven they'd been staying with. Only you, Carlisle and Sam heard the story of why Bella left you, and you didn't tell me or the guys – you had Sam order you not to think about it while phased. Whatever it was, Carlisle was disgusted, and I don't think Edward lives with his family any more. I don't know what became of him. All you told us was that Bella had left him, human, and she was attending university in Arizona."

I was reeling – there was so much about this that wasn't making sense. Why would Bella leave me for the leech, only to ditch him less than a year later? Was it his fault? It had to have been major for the doctor to be pissed at him. If she'd changed her mind again, why didn't she come back to me? Didn't I go find her?

"It had something to do with protecting you, though."

"Protecting me? From what?" I said fearfully. It had to have been something bad if Bella had given up a life together in favour of saving mine. Dad held out his hands helplessly.

"I don't know, it's not like we were getting along very well, even then, You wouldn't talk to anyone but Sam about it, since he already knew." I was getting frustrated with the half-stores I was supposed to use to fill in the last nine years of my life.

"Did I see Bella again?" I asked weakly. This whole night was taking its toll on me and I felt like I was a hundred years old.

"Sam forbid you from going to her, so you never left to track her down. He said that she'd made her choice, she was protecting you and since she hadn't come back for you, you needed to respect her decision, as you had before. You didn't like it one bit, but you were bound by his order and he helped you work on your rage again."

"Did it work?" I asked.

"Partly, but Quil told me you'd started being reckless, you were hunting vampires alone and were taking out your rage on them by looking for a fight. Sam tried to stop you but even then you were starting to stand up to his authority, and you kept finding ways round his orders – all except the one not to see Bella. He'd been so absolute in his words, you couldn't fine a loophole."

"What about when he died? Did the order die with him?" I asked, and Dad smirked ruefully at my conclusion.

"It didn't take you long to work that out. After Sam's funeral you took off in search of her. You were gone over a week, until Embry caught you phasing back in when he was on patrol. You'd found Bella in Arizona, but I don't know what else you found there – Embry saw it in your mind, and you attacked him for whatever he said to you. That's how he got that scar on his face." Dad shook his head and looked away. "You came back a different person – there was none of the light left in your eyes and you were nothing like the boy I raised," he said dejectedly. "I tried to help, but you just kept pushing everyone away – Embry most of all, since he knew the reason for your behaviour."

"Is that the real reason he stopped phasing?" I asked. I was touched that he'd given up a part of his life in order to respect my privacy. Dad nodded slowly.

"Partly for the reasons I gave you before, and partly to protect whatever secret you both had. He didn't want the burden of keeping it between you, and didn't want to have to be ordered either. It all culminated in his leaving the Pack – he found it all too much to bear."

I sat in silence for a long time. I knew that was the limit of my father's knowledge on the Bella subject, but I needed more. I had to know why she left, what she was protecting me from, and what I'd found when I'd finally tracked her down again.

I knew where I'd find my answer, and I couldn't wait until morning to see him. I needed to go now.

I needed to talk to Embry.

_She makes me feel like it's raining outside.  
And when the storm's gone, I'm all torn up inside. _

* * *

**A/N: Lots of revelations. This was a hard chapter to write, since Billy doesn't know the full story either.**

**What do you think Embry will tell him? What was Bella protecting him from? What did Edward do that managed to piss off the ever-patient and compassionate Carlisle Cullen?**

**And what did Jake find in Arizona?**

**I appreciate every single comment on the story, it motivates me to update and I love keeping you guys interested. Let me know your thoughts!**


	9. Hello, Again

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

**A/N Suggested listening: Black Sheep by Metric.**

* * *

**Chapter Nine: Hello, Again.**

Embry wasn't home when I got to his house. I guess it shouldn't have surprised me – it's not like finding out the truth about this whole shit-storm had ever been straight forward, but I couldn't help the feeling of betrayal that he'd skip out when I needed him most. I knew judging by the trail that he'd been gone for about a day. Where? I didn't know - since he'd left by car, but I knew it wasn't an innocent trip away. He knew I was getting closer to finding out the truth about Bella – how she'd seemingly chosen Cullen over me, left him, and we still weren't together. He didn't want to deal with whatever the fall-out of my learning the truth would be. I could hardly blame him – look how well I'd taken it last time. Now that I'd had time to think about it a little, I was almost afraid; afraid for myself, for my family and for my friends. What if I'd had good reason to go all dick and shut out those who cared about me? I don't mean how I treated everyone – I'd never justify that – but maybe whatever I'd found in Arizona had been so awful, I'd had no choice but to bury my old self underneath a mountain of stoicism.

It occurred to me as I paced the area in front of Em's empty home that maybe Bella could have been running scared. Did she fear that I'd imprint? I'd always been sure that would never happen to me, but Maya was living proof. Now the imprint was reversed or broken or whatever we could call it, I was alone - again - without Bella. It had been, what, six years since I'd seen her – hell since, anyone had seen her. Arizona was apparently the last time we'd spoken, and I'd been told by Maya and had it confirmed by Billy that Bella had disappeared once she graduated. Charlie didn't even know where she was, and if I knew Charlie Swan, he'd have looked. It was almost impossible to believe that he'd let her stay missing if it wasn't for the fact she'd gone on her own terms and kept him appeased with phone calls. I wondered how much he actually knew about her, and then, something else occurred to me. Maybe Charlie really didn't know anything about Bella's life now – and maybe there was a reason for that – to stay hidden, but not from me. Bella would know that the more people who knew about her whereabouts, the more minds there were to delve into. Maybe Bella wasn't really hiding from me at all. Maybe Bella was hiding from Edward.

Whatever Edward had done, it had earned the disgust of Carlisle – someone who kept contact with some of the foulest leeches I'd encountered (well, that I could remember, anyway).Whatever sparkle-nuts had done, it was bad enough to have him exiled from the family, at least for a while. Had he tried to kill her? Turn her? Maybe he'd even given in to a century's worth of sexual frustration and tried it on with her. Maybe Bella's broken survival instinct had finally kicked in and she'd realised what a suicide mission getting naked with a vampire could really be? Despite my worry, a smile tugged at my lips at the thought of Bella being thoroughly disgusted by the leech's ice-cold attempt at seduction, when I now knew from memory how good _my _touch had made her feel.

It could be too late to find her. Had she moved on? Was she married, maybe a few kids? Bella was amazing; I couldn't believe she'd stay single for long. Maybe I'd really hurt her somehow, and now some _other_ guy was putting her back together. I think that hurt more than the thought of her leaving me – that some other Jake was the one helping her, comforting her in her need. That was _my _job. _I _was the one who healed the hole in Bella's chest. I'm still _her _Jake. No-one's good enough to help Bella without my say so. My protective instinct was shivering to the surface, and my wolf itched to be close to Bella, just to make sure she was alright. She'd told me when we were teenagers that she felt like she'd had her heart clawed out, but when I was around, the wound didn't seem so fresh, the pain not as sharp, and she was starting to breathe again. Could she be telling that to someone else now? Some guy whose sole purpose in waking up in the morning was to make Bella Swan smile?

I couldn't handle it if that were true. It was still my purpose in life, and I didn't plan on sharing the responsibility. Hell, I think I'd sell my soul right now, no questions asked, just to see that smile one more time.

I stopped my pacing and looked to the sky. It wasn't even dawn yet, too early to go to Charlie's. I didn't even know if we were on speaking terms, but I was pretty sure showing up at his house in the early morning hours wouldn't be the way to appease him. I huffed a sigh and turned back towards home. My brain was wired, but my tension was manifesting in the knotted muscles of my shoulders and back. I felt _old_. I obliquely wondered if this was the longest I'd gone without phasing. It had to be around six days – maybe I'd talk to Paul and see if he knew. One thing was for sure, I wasn't going to last much longer – it was getting harder and harder to keep my wolf at bay. He was starting to show the dominant Alpha streak I'd heard so much about, and he was trying to dominate_ me_. I couldn't let that happen. First chance I could, I was phasing and re-establishing our connection. Maybe I'd ask the guys to let me do it alone, if the memory meld was still an issue, but it had to be done. I was calling a Pack meeting, first thing in the morning.

Once I'd gotten some sleep, I was going to get my life on track. Starting with my wolf, then my friends, and then, if she'd have me, the love of my life.

* * *

**Bella POV**

"Damian! You know the rules about picking teams, everyone gets their chance to play – no exceptions," I admonished. I felt like the kid was constantly pushing the boundaries, looking for attention. There had been whispers among my co-workers that his parents were going through a divorce, and his acting out was becoming somewhat of a problem. I could see a meeting being called with them before the month was out – he'd already been in trouble twice this week for bullying, and the school ran a zero-tolerance policy.

"But Ms. Black, Zachary sucks!" he retorted. I gave him a stern look in warning, and he sighed in defeat. I knew he wasn't a bad kid, but sometimes when things happen beyond our control, we have to take it back in any way we can. We control the little things when everything else feels like it's spiralling off into the atmosphere. Damian was just seven – he couldn't keep his parents together, and he probably wouldn't get much of a say in where he lived and who he lived with, but today, he was captain of the recess basketball team, and he _could_ decide who to play with. Unfortunately for Zachary, that wasn't to be him.

The smile I wore as Zachary was picked by Jenna for her team fell of my face as a shiver passed over my body. It didn't make sense. I was outside, in the blistering California sunlight, but for one horrible moment, I felt like I was right back in Forks, constantly on edge while I waited for the inevitable day Victoria would show up to end me. Unseen eyes watched me from the shadows and I spun around, daring whoever it was to make themselves known. The past three days had been the same – I would be going about my life, the comfortable monotony of teaching second grade, volunteering with some of the after-school programmes we offered and going home to my two-bedroom house with my dog, Alfie. It had been no different to usual, but lately, I'd felt this... presence. Alfie had noticed it too, and he'd even woken me up with his barking, which was almost unheard of for him since he'd been a puppy. It hadn't happened during working hours before though, and I felt a wave of concern for the kids. Whatever was after me, fine. I'd probably used up all my borrowed time anyway over the past nine years, but to come near a school, near kids, was a risk I didn't want to befall them. My class were precious to me, each child with their own unique background or personality just waiting to be expressed. That's what I loved about California. It was a melting-pot of cultures and ethnicities and seventh grade at Truman Park Elementary was a prime example.

I turned my attention through the wire fence across the street. It was lunch time, but the roads around here were never that busy, since the school was the only major development in the area. A black, expensive-looking sedan with tinted windows was parked next to the deli I usually got my breakfast from. I shielded my eyes from the sun, hoping to get a better look at the car. It wasn't one I knew belonged to any of the other teachers, and frankly looked too high-end for someone on our salary to afford, but something about it was familiar to me. Had I seen it around lately? Maybe even on my street? Whoever was driving, they weren't giving me a chance to investigate further. As soon as I found myself stepping towards the fence, the car's engine roared to life, and it pulled away before I could get so much as a license plate number.

"Dreaming of escape, Iz?" a male voice said, interrupting my thoughts. I turned, startled, towards the smiling face of Matt, one of my co-workers and a good friend. He was a year or two older than me and had been a huge help when I first moved to the area three years ago and knew nobody. He'd asked me out once or twice, and I'd seriously considered it but I couldn't bring myself to get involved. My heart was still a little too tender after the last time I'd shared it with someone.

"Nah, just doubling as security, you know? Hoping to moonlight, maybe get a raise," I smiled, taking his offered bottle of cranberry juice to combat the sweltering heat.

"Chance would be a fine thing. You hear there's more cutbacks? Word is the janitors are being downsized. We'll be next, I'm telling ya'," he replied.

"There isn't much to cut back on with us teachers, what more could they do, amalgamate classes?" I asked, before gulping down an eager mouthful of juice. Matt shrugged.

"Beats me, although I'm sure you could persuade them to keep you on as a rent-a-cop. Anything suspicious to report, officer?" he joked, letting his gaze wander through the fence behind me. My mind flashed to the image of the strange car before I answered.

"I'm sure it's just my imagination," I shrugged.

"Probably, you've been jumpy all week. Anything eatin' ya?" he asked, concern showing in his eyes as he studied my face.

"Nothing, probably just finally getting freaked out by living alone," I said.

"About time, sometimes I think you don't have a normal fear response." _You have no idea._

I just smiled, hoping for a change in subject when he gladly gave me one.

"I know what you need, a night out. Maggie's trying to organise a get-together at O'Donohue's tonight for Deb's birthday. Think you'd be up for it?" he asked, fully expecting to be shot down. I thought about going home to my empty house, pulling back the curtains for signs of black cars sitting on the deserted street. It didn't make the decision too difficult.

"Sounds kinda perfect," I replied.

That night, I walked into O'Donohue's, searching for familiar faces amongst the throng of twenty-something's cutting loose after a long week's work. It was Friday night, and it wasn't hard to see that there were a lot more celebrations being held besides our own. I caught sight of Matt's tall form, his light brown hair easily distinguishable among the other revellers in the bar as he weaved his way to the table occupied by some of our co-workers. I didn't socialise with them a lot, but any time I had, I found their company easy and distracting, which is exactly what I needed. Matt caught sight of me, his brown eyes lighting up that I'd actually showed, and he waved me over straight away. I gestured towards the bar, indicating that I was going to get a drink, and made my way through the crowd carefully. I'd never quite gotten used to being in a place with so many people, and I was losing patience with some of the more inebriated among the patrons. As I waited for my drink, I couldn't shake off the feeling from earlier at is rose in my gut. Was I really being watched, or was it just that I was so used to being in danger; I was starting to imagine things? There had to be two hundred people here, and hardly being a regular customer, it was unlikely that my imaginary stalker had come here with the intent to find me. I gulped a large helping of my rum and cola and turned back towards my friends. No time for freaky Bella right now. I'd worked hard to be normal, and no amount of stupid _hunches _were going to take that away from me.

I greeted the birthday girl and took my seat. It wasn't long before my feelings of intrusion were forgotten, just as I'd hoped. I really was normal now. I was Izzie, school teacher, single California girl. I needed to stop letting the memories of Bella Swan hinder my new life. The conversation was in full swing and the drinks were flowing, and I revelled in the chance to cut loose a little. A song by Metric came on the sound system, and my inhibitions were low enough for Matt to persuade me to dance. We weaved our way through the crowd on to the tiny floor and I let the tension seep out of my body as I swayed to the beat. Matt had always been a great dancer and insisted on me being his reluctant partner any chance he got. I knew it was his way of showing me a good time, and right then, I was grateful for it.

As the song reached its chorus, a space freed up on the over-crowded dance floor, and Matt and I moved into it seamlessly. It was a song I loved and we mouthed the lyrics too each other as we moved to the rhythm. I was smiling and waving my hands in the air, 'Ooo-ing' along with the words, when a sight over Matt's shoulder made me stop cold. My eyes widened in shock and for that single moment, everything in the bar ceased to exist save for me and the figure sitting at a table by himself, nursing a full bottle of beer and watching Matt and I intently. Suddenly, everything from the past few days started making sense; the old feeling of being watched, the suspicious car, Alfie on edge. Matt watched me dumbly as I simply walked past him, my legs carrying me independently to the table and the person sitting at it. I stopped dead, just appraising him as he did the same to me. It had been a long time, but expectedly, he hadn't changed much at all. The song ended, and the gap in the music left us surrounded by the sounds of clinking glasses and laughter. It felt foreign to me now. I shook my head in disbelief.

"How did you find me?" I asked softly. I didn't need to speak up – I knew he'd hear me.

"It wasn't that hard when you know what to look for," he replied, "_Izzie Black._" I sat on the free chair in front of him, unable to form words. The shock at seeing him again was taking the strength from my legs and I just sat back, willing my breathing and quickening heart to calm down.

"What are you doing here?" I asked, tearing my gaze away from him back towards Matt for the first time. He was watching with concern and confusion, and I knew in that moment that this was more than I was willing to explain. I turned back in front of me, and noticed my 'stalker's' eyes moving back towards mine, silently understanding my need for privacy.

"I'm guessing what I have to say would be better said in private. Is there somewhere we could go? You know, to talk?" he asked urgently. I knew from the look on his face that this couldn't wait until morning. I nodded, dumbly before standing up to excuse myself from my friends. I walked towards Matt, stopping abruptly to turn back.

"Embry?" I said, lowering my gaze to the floor before I continued. "Whatever reason there is for your being here... well, it's good to see you." He smiled in response and nodded softly.

"It's good to see you too, Bella," he replied.

_Hello again, friend of a friend  
I knew you when  
Our common goal was waiting for the world to end  
Now that the truth is just a rule that you can bend  
You crack the whip  
Shape-shift and trick  
The past again_

* * *

**A/N: I hope you guys were happy to get a glimpse into Bella's life, and now you know where Embry went. He wouldn't just leave Jake high and dry, would he?**

**Let me know what you think!**


	10. Guilt

_Disclaimer:_ _All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise._ _No copyright infringement is intended._

**A/N: Suggested listening: **

**Nothing Like You by Frightened Rabbit (Bella/Jake/Maya)**

**Little Hell by City and Colour (Bella/Jake)**

* * *

**Chapter Ten: Guilt**

**Bella POV**

I think Matt was thoroughly freaked out and confused by my sudden departure, but as I sat in the passenger seat of Embry's black sedan, I had far more worrying matters coursing through my head. Had something happened at home? Why did he feel the need to track me down now of all times? Why the hell wasn't he talking?

"So... are you going to explain how you suddenly show up here out of nowhere?" I asked. I studied his face in the passing headlights. He looked pained, hesitant. It was making me nervous. "You know, you never did do the strong, silent thing well, Em." He cleared his throat uncomfortably and pulled the car to a halt. I hadn't even realised we were on my street. I huffed out a sigh as we unbuckled our seatbelts. I didn't even bother to ask how he knew where I lived. He'd been here before this very week.

I led him inside and switched on the lights. Alfie darted into the hallway and started barking at him immediately.

"Alfie, calm down. Embry's a friend," I admonished, leaning down to scratch him between his scruffy ears. He was appeased some, but was still eyeing Embry with distrust and apprehension. Embry crouched to his height and held out a hand for Alfie to sniff and the dog relaxed immediately. He smiled and petted him gently, looking back up towards me.

"Think he senses the wolf. Most dogs do," he explained.

"You're not going to start sniffing each other's butts or anything are you?" I asked. Embry shot me an exasperated look and straightened back to full height. It had been two years since I'd last laid eyes on Embry Call, but I still couldn't get used to his professional, lawyer persona. I was still disconcerted to see him well dressed and groomed, and not wearing muddy cut-offs with his ear-length hair in a tangled mess. I guess we'd both grown up, but I still felt like I was eighteen years old when I looked at him now.

"Very funny," he said, shoving his hands in his pockets awkwardly. _Ahh, there's the Embry I know._

"Can I get you a drink or something? I asked, not sure what to do with myself. I didn't really get visitors over often, especially not ones who seemed like they'd come to dump a revelation on my lap.

"Sure," he said, following me to the kitchen. My house was simple, rented accommodation that I hadn't really put my own stamp on, but it was a good price for my salary and was feminine enough for me to feel comfortable in. My landlady fancied herself as something of an interior designer, and had decorated the place in light, airy, neutral colours, perfect for San Francisco living. Throw in the fact that she was a dog lover and didn't mind Alfie living with me as long as he was well behaved, and I couldn't complain. Embry sat at the table as I brought him a beer, keeping one for myself, just in case I needed it. I had a feeling I would. I took the seat opposite him and laced my hands together. I think it was an effort not to look so apprehensive, but that was soon negated by the fact I was picking at my nails and chewing them.

"Relax, Bella, it's not bad news," he said comfortingly. "Well, not totally bad news." _Oh that __sounded great. Should I start panicking now?_

"Embry, just tell me what happened. Was it my Dad? I haven't gotten a call about him, so I know he hasn't been hurt. Is it Billy? One of the pack? Leah?" I rambled, before trailing off when I realised Em was resting his forehead on his hand and looking at me, his elbow supported at the table. He frowned.

"What do you mean you haven't gotten a call about Charlie? Who would even have your number, Bella? It took me four days to find you and all I had was a loose lead and a hunch about the name you're using." I looked away from him sheepishly as I took a sip of my own beer.

"I left a contact number with Angela Weber, she works in the hospital so I knew she'd be around to report if something bad happened," I explained. Embry shook his head.

"Oh that's nice, really. Everyone's worrying about you constantly between your sparse phone calls but you've got a look-out right there in Forks," he muttered sarcastically.

"You know why I stayed away, Em. It was best for everyone. Last time I was there only confirmed that fact for me," I said morosely.

"Yeah, thanks for giving me yet another secret to keep, by the way. As if it wasn't hard enough being around Jake," he admonished. I narrowed my eyes at him, feeling my anger flare up.

"I think we both know you had your own reasons for keeping _that _secret, Embry," I spat.

* * *

_**Two Years Ago**_

Bella pushed her way in through the heavy wooden door. She was never one for bars, but somehow, after what she'd just seen, the stench of stale beer and sweat didn't bother her in the slightest. She sat heavily on the stool closest to the bartender and ordered a shot of whiskey, needing something strong, distracting to push out the feeling of stupidity plaguing her. She couldn't believe she'd come all this way without checking in with Charlie first. She could have saved herself a trip, saved herself all this heartache with a simple phone call, and now she wouldn't be drinking to forget the images burned into her brain.

She kept her head low as she hunched over her second drink. The welcoming haze of drinking on an empty stomach was helping some, but she wasn't too far gone to remember that she didn't want to be recognised. All it would take was for one of her dad's friends to see her and it'd be all over Forks within the hour that the police Chief's daughter had shown up.

She couldn't stop thinking about it. What did she really think would happen? That she'd show up at the auto shop, Jake would be working, she'd say 'hi' and he'd scoop her up in his arms, kiss her, and they'd carry on like their lives and their love hadn't gone to shit and there was still something salvageable between them? Of course not. When had anything ever gone right for Jake and Bells?

Jake was happy. In love. Imprinted. She knew by the look in his eyes that this nameless girl was the only one he saw now. She knew by the way he'd kissed her, held her possessively as he scooped her up and sat her on the car hood to gain better access. She knew by the way the girl's hands had grasped at his clothes, her soft moans carrying over the sound of the muffled radio in the background. She knew by the way they'd worshipped each other, right there amongst the car parts and the grease. He belonged to someone else now – she'd seen it with her own eyes.

She hadn't seen how Jake turned in time to watch her go. She hadn't seen the cold smirk on his face when he realised they had an audience. He knew she was watching. He gave her a show. She was too late – her chance was gone along with the memories of tears and anguish and grief over what they'd both lost. It was gone the moment she wouldn't let him comfort her, instead pushing him away and telling him she didn't deserve it. It was her fault for leaving,. Her fault for getting involved with vampires in the first place. Her fault for listening to their lies. If she was so hell-bent on martyring herself and being alone in her suffering, she could stay that way. He'd moved on now, and he didn't care that she'd come back or why. The imprint ensured that he wouldn't have to waste a thought on Bella Swan again. Maya was the cure for that. Maya was nothing like Bella.

_Look, two lovers covered in covers  
I can put us to bed tonight  
I am bruised but she is dressing the wounds  
Night nursing a broken man_

_She was not the cure for cancer_  
_And all my questions still ask for answers_  
_There is nothing like someone new_  
_And this girl, she was nothing like you._

Embry had seen her walk into the bar from his place by the pool table. It looked like she had the same idea he did. He didn't know why Bella was back in Forks, but he could hazard a guess. She'd come back for Jake, but Jake wasn't here anymore. In his place was an asshole wearing Embry's best friends face with none of his charisma or sunny attitude. Embry knew by the way Bella was drinking that he wasn't going to have to tell her. She'd seen it for herself. She was a week too late – Jake could have been hers if she had just come back sooner. Jake would have fought the imprint, and won, if it meant he could have Bella, but no. Now they both had to pay for Bella's indecisiveness.

He pulled up a stool beside her. She didn't even look surprised to see him. He bought another round of drinks and they both cursed imprinting over the next two hours. She didn't even realise that she was sat in the same stool Maya had, a week ago, when Embry first met her. They'd hit it off, and he'd fallen for her that night over cheap beer and laughter and easy conversation. It wasn't an imprint, but Embry had never felt a connection like that. She'd given him her number. They'd made a date for the following Friday. Embry was ecstatic – she was amazing and intelligent and beautiful and he'd finally found a girl he could see himself with. Then the next day she'd gone to her job interview, and Jacob Black had imprinted on her, and Embry knew the date was cancelled.

He didn't know why he'd taken it so hard. _She's just a girl. _But she wasn't. He wanted her, badly, and now he'd have to watch as his former friend took yet another thing away from him along with his pack brothers and his sense of purpose in the tribe. He'd given it up willingly, for Jake, but a day never passed when he didn't miss the old times, when their biggest worry was patrolling and killing vampires and saving people. Jake, his friend and brother would have been sorry. Embry knew better than to expect remorse from Jacob, the emotionless Alpha who cared about nothing but his own misery and pain.

Bella let her emotions out to Embry. He wasn't Jacob, but she knew that after tonight she'd never come back here. She couldn't put herself through that, so she embraced her last connection to him. Embry was sweet and understanding and heartbroken, just like she was. They wallowed together, letting the alcohol loosen their tongues and wishing things could go their way.

She should have stopped him the first time he kissed her, but it felt so amazing to be wanted, and she was drunk and hurt and he was _so good _at it. She should have stopped him when they made it to the parking lot, feverishly kissing their pain away with their passion and trying to forget. She finally stopped him when he placed her on the hood of his car, and she realised it was all getting too familiar, and doing this with Embry would never make her forget.

Embry knew she was right. If he ever reconciled with Jacob, he couldn't bring himself to have hurt him this way. He'd already kissed Jake's girl – it was all Bella would ever be in his eyes. He couldn't have lived with himself if he'd slept with her, too.

Bella was right. Everything about this was wrong.

* * *

"Is that why you're here? The guilt finally got to you? If you feel that bad about it, tell Jacob. Not that he'd care. Nothing happened."

"We kissed, Bella. I think we both know where that was leading, and it would have been far from nothing," he retorted. I knew he was right, but he was acting like it was my fault, when I'd been the one to put a stop to it. I sighed.

"I know, but Embry, it's ancient history now. I barely remember that night and we were both hurting. I'm not condoning our actions, but it's easy to understand why we did it. Is that why you're here? Did Jacob find out somehow?" I asked nervously. Imprint or not, I knew it was foolish to believe Jacob wouldn't care. Embry was his best friend. He trusted him, and I'd already messed his life up enough with my thoughtless actions.

"Jacob doesn't know anything," he said. I sighed in relief. "No, Bella, you don't get it. Jacob doesn't know _anything. _He got into it with three vampires protecting the Res and got a head injury. It wiped his memories. He woke up thinking he was sixteen and had just taken out the Newborns."

I sat looking at him, unable to form words. Jake had lost, what, nine years of memories? How was that even possible?

"He remembers nothing after getting crushed. I mean, he doesn't even know you two were together, doesn't know you left him, he didn't even know you're not with Edward. He thought that was why you weren't there when he woke up. He asked for you and you were nowhere to be found and he just got so hurt..." he cringed. My heart dropped into the pit of my stomach.

"He doesn't know about..." I breathed. Embry shook his head. I got up to pace the room. I felt like a huge wrecking ball had crashed into my life and I had no idea where to begin picking up the pieces.

"This is impossible, I mean what about the healing abilities, won't he get better?"

Embry shrugged.

"We don't know. Dr. Cullen seems to think his abilities are the only reason he's alive at all, and maybe he's just... repressing everything that happened to him since he was sixteen."

"Carlisle's still around? I thought they moved on," I asked, genuinely puzzled.

"They did. They still live in Alaska; The doc, his wife, the blonde one and the big dumb dude," he clarified. "But we made an amendment years ago that Cullen would help us if we needed medical treatment. He's always come through for us so far."

"Course he has," I said bitterly. "And Jake was okay with that? The amendment I mean."

"Didn't have many other options, Bella. And Cullen swears he didn't know what Edward and the pixie were up to all that time. I guess Jake believed him." I sat back down on the chair, trying to absorb the information.

"And Jake, apart from the memory loss, he's okay?" I said worriedly. I felt this indescribable urge to be next to him, but I'd promised myself I'd never go back there. He had his life now, and I had mine. It was better for the both of us if they were separate.

"Pretty much, but he's confused, and he keeps asking for you." I met Embry's gaze in shock.

"Still? Why? What about his imprint, didn't he lay eyes on her again and forget?"

Embry shook his head.

"It's gone. Both Jake and Maya say they feel nothing but friendship for each other, it's like it never happened in the first place."

I shook my head in disbelief. I assumed this was the _good _part of the news, and I felt guilty at how my heart had skipped excitedly when he'd said it.

"How could that even happen? I mean, imprints are permanent, they've never been reversed before..."

Embry held out his hands helplessly and blew out a breath.

"Best I can guess is that they met each other when they'd both been through huge losses in their lives. Maya's okay now, she's gotten used to life without her parents. Jake doesn't even remember losing anyone, so now... I don't think they need each other any more. He's still bent out of shape over you, Bella."

I felt tears welling up as I studied my hands. I'd secretly wished for a moment like this countless times over the past two years, but it had come at such a horrible cost. Jacob had lost a huge chunk of his life. He had to be feeling scared and alone and confused, and no-one could really help him. "I think you know why I'm here, Bella," Embry continued, interrupting my thoughts. I looked at him suddenly and shook my head.

"I can't Embry, I can't go back there... not when he's... and I'd have to..." I started sobbing deeply. I was crying for Jacob, crying for myself and our grief and crying because Jake, once again, had it all ahead of him.

"You have to, Bella. You're the only one who knows exactly what happened between you. Even if you don't want to be with him, he deserves an explanation, and even I don't know enough to give him that," he said softly, reaching out to grip my shaking hands.

"It was hard enough telling him everything the first time. I don't think I could do it all over again," I sniffed, feeling the hole in my heart for Jacob and what we'd lost reopening with every breath.

"You have to. He's never going to get through this without knowing what happened to him, to both of you. He knows what a nightmare he turned into and he's destroyed with guilt. He doesn't even know why."

I shook my head again, pulling my hand from his grasp.

"I can't do it. Tell him something else, anything else. Make it believable, just don't make me do it. Don't make me destroy him again." Embry looked at me disapprovingly. I didn't actually expect him to agree to it, but I was grasping at straws.

"We both know it wouldn't be right."

Nothing about this was right. How could I sit Jacob down and recount the disaster that was our lives?

The ringing of my cell phone cut into my thoughts. I reached into my purse, expecting it to be Matt, checking in with me. One look at the screen, and I knew the decision of whether or not to go back to Forks was out of my hands. Angela Weber was calling me.

* * *

**A/N: A few more revelations here, anything shocking to you? **

**I've put some photos of the original characters on the author page to help you all visualise them. Casting is fun!**

**Let me know your thoughts. :)**


	11. Pack Business

****_Disclaimer:_ _All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise._ _No copyright infringement is intended._

**A/N: This chapter jumps back a week earlier, to when we last left Jake and his resolution to fix everything in his life and find out the truth about Bella.**

* * *

******Chapter Eleven: Pack Business**

Nervous apprehension would probably best describe how I was feeling at the prospect of getting The Pack all together. The last time they'd seen me collectively, I probably wasn't their favourite person – hell, I wasn't my favourite person. I made the decision not to meet them at my house. That was my territory, and why should they come to me? I had arranged to have breakfast at my home after the meeting, if all went well. A good leader serves as well as dictates. I wanted to show my brothers that I was here as their partner, stepping in to order them only when it was required of me. Would they lash out? I didn't know whether to expect a repeat of Quil's reaction to me, but I guess I couldn't blame any of them if that was the case.

I made it to the clearing before anyone else. I wanted the chance to acclimate myself with being in the forest again. Thankfully, not a lot had changed. Even the clearing was the same, but different. It felt like years since I'd been here, but I knew it was probably only a matter of weeks. My most recent memories here of being a huge and brutal battle, getting crushed by the Newborn, and waking up to this changed world. I sat on a large boulder, pulling my knees up to my chest, feeling incredibly young and inexperienced.

I didn't know anything about being Alpha. I had this surge of power and protectiveness when I really dug deep and thought about it, but apart from that, I was in unknown territory. I'd given a lot of thought before to how I would run things. I would be firm, but fair, understanding but know when it was time to make tough choices and not pander to others' wishes if it wasn't what was best for them. I wanted to be respected, but well-liked. Was it impossible to find that balance? We all respected Sam, and although he was a dick sometimes, we still liked him as a person and knew he was looking out for us. I wished he was here – it would be so much easier to go through this if I had him to ask for advice. After all, he was the only other Alpha I knew.

Paul was the first to arrive. I'd come here on two legs, still apprehensive to phase in case someone had been patrolling. Were they even keeping up schedules? I had to guess that they had – my brothers wouldn't shirk their responsibilities. I wasn't surprised to see the large, grey wolf trotting into view. He phased seamlessly and dressed in shorts, grinning arrogantly at me as he waved.

"Yo, Memoryfoam. Finally decided to grace us with your presence, huh?" he jibed, as I rolled my eyes and waited for him to approach. He threw himself heavily on the grass in front of the rock, stretching his arms out above his head before sitting on his elbows and smirking at me.

"Thanks for coming, Paul. Did everyone else get the message?"

"Yeah, although it is pretty early, man. I thought Pussy Jake would at least let us sleep in."

"I didn't know if you all had jobs or school or whatever, so I though I'd have this early in case anyone had to be somewhere."

"We all have pretty flexible hours, Jake. We kind of have to with all the avenging and the vampire hunting we get up to," he smirked, raising an eyebrow.

"Didn't really think of that, I was trying to be considerate."

"Course you were, Pussy."

I sighed loudly and looked away, he was damn impossible to have a conversation with. A movement in the trees captured both our attention, and I sighed in relief when a mass of sandy fur came hesitantly into view. Seth.

He phased and dressed and walked slowly towards us, eyes averted to the ground, and came to a stop a few feet away. He sat on the ground cross-legged and didn't say a word.

"Hey, Seth," I said, wondering why he didn't insert himself into the conversation like usual.

"Hi Jacob," he mumbled before clearing his throat. "It's good to see that you're feeling better." He sounded so detached and robotic that I had to wonder if he was upset about something.

"Is everything alright, buddy?" I asked, sending Paul a sidelong glance. He just looked bored and uninterested.

"Yes Sir, I'm alright," he replied. _Sir? _He still hadn't looked at me.

"What are you sitting all the way over there for?" I asked, jutting my chin out and gesturing to the distance between us. "Come here and talk to us."

"A subordinate must only speak when spoken to, and must never interrupt his Alpha unless it's a life or death matter... Sir," he replied, staring at his hands. He looked undecided whether to get up and respond to my request or keep the fucked-up routine he seemed to be accustomed to. My heart sank. It seemed like I'd turned sweet, fun-loving Seth Clearwater into a soldier. He was afraid of me. I hated hearing him call me 'Sir'. I sighed and shook my head, looking away from him. I was going to have my work cut out for me if Seth was anything to go by.

"Look, Seth, that's why I called this meeting today. Forget all this bullshit protocol I had before. I'm just Jake now. No more 'Sir', okay? Now get your ass over here and sit beside us," I said, gesturing to a space in the grass beside Paul. Seth's eyes rose to meet mine and he stared at them, a look of confusion and apprehension in his eyes. He still didn't move.

"Seth? What are you waiting for? C'mere," I said, growing impatient. Seth had to be twenty-three now, but he looked for all the world like a scared child.

"Permission to speak, Si- I mean, Jake?" he said, studying me intently. I nodded and gave a half-shrug in confusion. "Is this a test?"

I blew out a frustrated breath and shook my head.

"No, Seth it's not a test. I'm not that dick you've been living with the past few years. I'm serious. No more tests, no more harsh punishments. I'm just Jake now, and I'd like to be your friend again," I said pleadingly. I was taken aback when a bright smile broke out across Seth's face and he got up enthusiastically and made his way towards me. He strode right up to the rock I was sitting on, and held out a hand to me. I proceeded to give him a mid-five and smiled as he pulled me into a bro-hug, patting me three times on the back.

"It's really fucking good to hear you say that, dude," he smiled.

"Well thank Christ for that," I muttered. "Was I really that much of a hard-ass? I mean... Sir? What kind of douche makes his friends call him that?" Paul snorted and Seth looked away awkwardly. "I've got a lot of stuff to change around here, don't I?" I said wearily. Seth shrugged and beamed at me again.

"It's okay, Jake I'll help you. Fuck, it feels weird talking to you like this again," he mused.

"Yeah well, you better get used to it. I'm not becoming that monster again, no matter what, you hear me?" I promised. Seth nodded and laughed softly.

"I think I like amnesia, Jake," he said, pressing his lips together and nodding approvingly.

"It has its perks, I guess," I smiled. Our attention was caught once again by two more wolves entering the clearing, immediately being replaced by Collin and Brady. Seems like they still did everything together, even now when they were legally adults. They barely registered the rest of us as they seemed to be caught up in a heated argument.

"Dude, I'm telling you, she only hooked up with you 'cause I wasn't there. Chick wants my pups. Seriously," Collin said, and I noticed he'd filled out more, and was starting to look a lot like me. Our family resemblance must have kicked in some time in the last few years. Brady scoffed back.

"Whatever, man. It wasn't your name she was screaming all night," he said, raising an eyebrow in a very Quil-like gesture. My heart wrenched a little at the familiarity of it all. Before everything went to shit, that could have been Quil and Embry ribbing on each other.

"You wish, turd. As soon as my dad takes me off overtime, I'm taking back what's mine. She won't be able to remember her own name, never mind yours," Collin said confidently. I cleared my throat and they both froze mid stride, quickly averting their eyes to the ground submissively.

"Sorry, Sir, we didn't realise you were already here," Collin said, earning him a smack on the arm from Brady.

"Dude, he didn't speak to you yet, idiot," he muttered in reprimand.

"It's fine guys, just take a seat over here," I said, gesturing beside Seth and Paul.

"You two better be wrapping your junk. Fuck knows what you're both carrying around in that nasty underwear of yours," Paul warned. I raised an eyebrow at him when he turned his attention back to me. "What?"

"You'd know all about that, alright," I muttered. Paul held out his hands defensively.

"Hey, just trying to keep a look out for the ladies of La Push is all. Fuck knows you and I got around enough," he replied. My head jerked back in confusion.

"What do you mean I got around?" I asked. Seth laughed wholeheartedly and smacked Paul in mirth.

"Oh man, he really _doesn't _remember anything. Not even being a total man-whore before he met Maya," he spluttered. I groaned in dismay.

"Tell me you're kidding," I said, looking between them. Paul just looked at me proudly, like I was his biggest achievement.

"Sorry, dude, you were a bigger ladykiller than Ted Bundy," he said, waggling his eyebrows.

"Great. So now on top of all the other shit I have to feel guilty about, I have a string of exes to contend with. Awesome."

"Not really exes, more like ex-conquests. They didn't usually last longer than a night. Or even an hour. Sometimes several in the same night," Paul thought aloud.

I cringed and held up a hand, wanting him to stop. I'd woken up a virgin, and in the past few days I'd learned I'd slept with Bella and fuck knows how many others and I didn't even know who they were. This whole thing felt like a bad hangover.

"Uh, guys?" Brady interrupted. "What the fuck is going on?"

"Yeah, how hard did you hit your head... Sir?" Collin added. I'd almost forgotten they were even here.

"Sorry, guys. I'm having trouble piecing everything together. Long story short, I hit my head, lost a lot of memories, but now I'm back. And I'm not a dick anymore," I clarified. They looked at each other in shock before fist-bumping.

"Sweet!" Collin said. "I was getting so sick of acting like a damn marine all the time."

"Does this mean Fight Club's back on? Because I'm _so_ ready to kick Jared's ass this time," Brady said, smacking his fist against his palm menacingly. I sighed in relief. It was as if the past few years had never happened.

"As if you could, Pup," was Jared's reply as he exited the tree line. He looked to me and gave me a curt nod before sitting down beside Paul.

"I picked up three chicks that time Quil gave me a black eye," Collin said excitedly. I rolled my eyes. They really didn't think about anything else – not that I was one to talk.

"Thanks for coming, Jared," I said. He shrugged nonchalantly and leaned back on the grass.

"It's my day off anyway. But believe me, you start pulling that prison-guard-on-crack bullshit again and I'll be forced to give you a beat-down," he smirked. I just laughed and agreed.

"So what are we waiting for?" Seth said. "Any particular reason you had us all come here at the ass-crack of dawn?"

"Not everyone's here, yet," I replied, looking hopefully toward the trees. Quil would come. I knew he needed space, but he was a great Pack member and he wouldn't sit this out.

"I wouldn't hold your breath," Jared muttered. I ignored him. Quil would be here. My fears were answered when a chocolate wolf emerged from the trees, soon merging into the figure of my friend and striding over to us. His face was a mask of indifference as he took a seat beside Seth. He looked at me and shrugged.

"Got your message," was all he said. I nodded and smiled at him gratefully.

"Cool, thanks," I said before clearing my throat. "Okay guys, first off, I want to apologise for my behaviour since becoming your Alpha. There's no excuse for what I did and I want you all to know that I won't be going back to that shit any time soon. It's behind me, behind all of us. Okay?" I received a few nods of understanding as a response.

"Secondly, I wanted to open this up as a forum for concerns, grievances, and input on the running of your pack. This isn't my pack, it's ours. We all decide how it's run, and although I'm Alpha, I want that to only be in a problem-solving, organisational and impartial-mediation capacity. No more absolute orders unless they're strictly necessary, no more ridiculous punishments. All I'm keeping is some of the training methods and probably the patrol schedule once I've had a look at it. Is that okay with everyone?" I looked around at six dumb-struck faces for response. Seth was first to break the silence.

"Holy personality transplant, Batman!" he said, and the rest descended into laughter. I even noticed Quil throw him a smile before his eyes caught mine. His face went serious again, but he nodded approvingly. His opinion was the one I wanted most.

"Also, I wanted to promote Quil back up from Omega. I know we usually solve these things with a wolf-on-wolf fight, but since I'm not ready to phase yet to play referee, I was hoping we could do this diplomatically. I'm afraid that means that you'd be Omega again, Brady," I said apologetically. He just shrugged at me.

"Makes no difference to me, I was just a step above Quil anyway. As long as it doesn't diminish my strength and this sweet muscle definition I've got going on here, I see no problem with it," he said flexing his arm and kissing his bicep. Collin punched him playfully on the arm, muttering 'idiot' at him.

"So that settles it. Any objections to Quil being promoted?" I asked, not expecting any of them to speak up. I was taken aback when Paul did.

"I've got a better idea," he interjected, and we all turned to him expectantly. "Look, Jake, it's great what you're doing here, but I think the only reason we worked as Alpha and Beta was because we were kind of alike. Now, I'm not sure I can play Beta to a pussy," he explained. He leaned forward and cocked an eyebrow at me. "That's what you sound like now, by the way. A total pussy." Jared, Collin and Brady broke out in laughter before he continued. "Now Quil here, he's also a pussy, but he was a good Beta when he held the position. I move to reinstate him."

I just looked at Paul dumbly. He was nothing like the guy I knew a decade ago. I was suddenly warming to the fact that he'd married my sister. Eyeing Quil hopefully, I noticed he was just sat in silence, mulling over Paul's offer, avoiding my gaze. I knew he was wondering if it would be worth putting himself through the bother of being my cohort again. A Beta acted as somewhat of a tether for the Alpha. He helped make decisions, formulate strategies, and challenged orders if he disagreed with them. It was like having a second pair of eyes looking at the problems and Alpha faced. I knew Quil would be perfect – I'd chosen him before, apparently, and I knew that despite his clownish nature, Pack business was when Quil was a professional. After a long moment, he looked me in the eye and nodded.

"Alright. Everyone in favour of Quil becoming Beta again?" I asked. I was greeted with a chorus of 'totally's and 'hell yeah's before I smiled. "Alright, so be it," I said. I wasn't expecting the shift in power felt by all of us when Quil received his new title. Paul seemed momentarily weakened, but it looked like Quil was sitting taller, and had a confidence about him that I realised had been missing since I woke up.

"Good to have you back, Man," I said, smiling at him. He snorted softly and actually smiled back.

"I could say the same thing about you," he said.

The next few days were spent working with the guys and re-establishing our dynamic. I made sure they all had an open invitation to my house, day or night if they had any problems, and I wanted them to know that I was their friend as well as their leader. I got to see Fight Club first hand and had to admit that it was an ingenius idea. The self control the guys showed impressed me, and it was the cause for plenty of good-natured teasing and goading among them. We were brothers again, rebuilding our family bit by bit. Even Quil seemed to be relaxing in his old role, and I felt a sense of pride and contentment that I was making a positive difference in my brothers' lives. My dad made no secret of the fact he was pleased with me, and that only boosted my confidence and self-worth.

I didn't find anything more out about Bella, and was beginning to worry when Embry hadn't even shown up back at his house. I knew by the fact that not a lot had been moved around that he hadn't planned on leaving for long, but all the secretary at his office would tell me was that he had to go out of state to work on a case and wouldn't be back before the week was out. I had a strange hunch he was avoiding me, and resolved to confront him about it when he came back. I was working hard to re-establish my friendships, and Embry was too fucking important to me to let slip away.

I called Charlie's house several times over the course of the week. My Dad had confided that Charlie and I were still on good terms, but I wasn't exactly the son he never had anymore. That saddened me. I'd always taken pride in my relationship with Charlie, and it just made me all the more determined to fix things with Bella and I to make him see I was the same kid he practically raised. I was surprised when he actually returned my call that Friday night on his way home from the station. He told me he'd been busy consulting on a case in a smaller town outside Seattle, but was free for the weekend. He sounded suspicious, but I told him I was trying to re-build my memories and just wanted him to fill me in on his side of it.

"Well, alright, Jake, but I'm not sure how much help I'll be. You and I haven't seen too much of each other since Bells went away," he said sadly. My heart was lurching for him – Charlie shouldn't be that lonely.

"So I hear, Charlie. Thanks for doing this, I appreciate it."

"No problem, kid."

"Hey, have you heard from Bella lately?" I asked hopefully. There was a long pause on the other end of the line.

"You know, I can't remember the last time I heard you mention her name," he replied.

"Yeah well, I've been making a lot of changes in my life since I woke up. I was hoping, maybe, for the chance to reconnect with Bella if she'd let me." I braced myself for the protective, dont-hurt-my-baby-girl speech I knew was coming. He had no reason to let me talk to her, and for all I knew, I was the reason she'd gone away. Maybe he even knew that.

Charlie didn't answer. Instead all I heard was a swerve, a muffled curse, and the line went dead.

I didn't even hesitate before I ran out the door and headed for the tree line, yanking off my jeans and securing them before phasing on the fly. Charlie couldn't be hurt, I couldn't be the reason he was taken away from Bella, or I'd never forgive myself. I knew there was a short stretch of road between the station and the outskirts of town. Charlie had called me when he was getting into his cruiser, so I knew he hadn't gotten very far.

Collin was the only pack member phased, and I showed him a brief explanation of why I'd abruptly gone back on my decision not to go wolf until I was ready to absorb their memories. He quickly assured me that he'd phase out and call an ambulance, and I was once again left alone with my thoughts as I raced to Charlie's side. There were two cars on the road when I got there. From one, a man stumbled out, clutching a wound on his head and gaped in shock at the state of the cruiser. The front bumper was gnarled inwards, the hood concertinaed from impact and was crushed dangerously inwards, towards the driver's seat. Both headlights were smashed, and the left front wheel was bent entirely out of shape. I knew from one look that the vehicle would never be roadworthy again, but that wasn't my concern. Charlie wasn't moving. I could hear low breath sounds coming from inside the car, and his heartbeat was erratic and weak, but it gave me the slightest relief that I could hear it.

"Charlie? Charlie!" I yelled, getting to the drivers side as quickly as I could. The stench of gasoline clouded the air thickly and I was suddenly afraid that it was at risk of explosion. One spark in the wrong place and everything would go up in flames.

"Jake?" he croaked, coming round to the sound of my voice. "Where did you come from?"

"I have to get you out of here Charlie," I said clearly. There wasn't time to answer questions. "Can you move your legs?" He tried, but the cry of pain from him told me they were badly damaged. At least he could feel them. "Look, this is going to hurt, probably a lot, but I promise you I wouldn't do this if it wasn't completely necessary." I grabbed his arms and he yelled in pain but I had to get him out of there. I linked them around my shoulders before yanking the seatbelt free. Grabbing him around the torso, I was trying carefully not to jostle him too much, but I don't think I'll ever forget the screams of agony he gave as I pulled him from that car for the rest of my days.

It wasn't long before the ambulance showed up, making Charlie a priority due to his injuries. We'd been driving less than a minute when a loud explosion shook the vehicle – Charlie's cruiser. The other driver sat in shock, not quite registering what was going on as he sat in the back of the ambulance, wrapped in a blanket. I didn't need heightened senses to know he reeked of bourbon.

Charlie had two broken legs, a fractured rib, a dislocated shoulder and a concussion, but he was going to make it. Knowing that he didn't have any family in the area, I camped out in the waiting room while he was in surgery to reset the breaks. I was glad I didn't remember being treated after the Newborn fight. The way Charlie passed out when they re-set his shoulder didn't look fun. At all.

Left to my own thoughts, I wondered if anyone would be able to tell Bella what happened. I tried to push down the feeling of resentment towards her for selfishly removing herself from our lives. Was her freedom and privacy worth this? Worth her father having to go through all of this without her by his side? I'd always had somewhat of a hero-worship feeling towards Charlie. When your own Dad's in a wheelchair, needing to be taken care of, it's not hard to wonder why I looked up to Charlie Swan, Chief of Police who was strong, principled and carried a gun to chase away the bad guys. As I grew up, of course I'd gained more respect for my own dad, but Charlie would always be a hero in my eyes; it's just who he was to me.

I don't know when I fell asleep, but I groaned loudly at the tension in my back when I woke up. These chairs were not meant for someone of my size to sleep on. My dad had arrived some time during the night, and had woken me up to inform me that Charlie was out of surgery, but hadn't come round yet. I refused to leave the hospital, still feeling responsible for the fact that it was me he was talking to on his cell when the crash happened. Dad didn't push the issue, instead wandering off for coffee and snacks while we waited it out. I guessed I'd passed out some time after that. I willed the bleary feeling from my eyes as I tried to adjust to the daylight. The hospital was much more busy during daytime hours, and I could hear the sounds of staff and visitors milling around.

One voice stood out among them all as it reached the nurses station.

"Hey, I'm Charlie Swan's daughter. I was informed he was in an accident. Is he okay? Did he need surgery? When can I see him?"

My eyes snapped open in recognition. _Bella._

Bella was here, just around the corner, a few feet away. I was actually going to see her and talk to her and I could ask her myself what happened between us. I leaped to my feet and located the source of her voice. I couldn't keep the smile from my face or ignore the excited patter of my heart. Breathing became difficult – I didn't care. I was going to see Bella and say sorry and I'd go wherever she wanted me to if she would just be mine again. Rounding the corner, I stopped dead in my tracks. Embry stood by her side, leaning over the counter along with her. I took in their stature. He had an arm curled around her delicate shoulders as she leaned into his warmth. They were waiting for the nurse to pull up Charlie's file on the computer and Bella squeezed his hand nervously.

_What the fuck?_

Was this why he'd left? Why he wouldn't tell me where Bella was? Why he hadn't come back to the pack? Were they together?

Fuck no. Embry wouldn't do that to me. No matter what happened, I knew him... I knew Bella. They wouldn't hurt me this way. I tried to will my legs forward, catch their attention, anything. But I couldn't. Catching my scent, Embry's eyes met mine and he squeezed Bella's shoulder to catch her attention. Turning to take in the sight of me, all colour left her face. Her big brown eyes welled up with tears and she shook her head.

"No. I can't do this. Not here," she whimpered, seemingly to no-one in particular. I eyed her worriedly – this was not the reaction I'd expected. At all. The nurse finally retrieved Charlie's room number and Bella practically flew past me, finding the room easily before slamming the door behind her. I looked back at Embry, who was just staring after her with a pained look on his face. He looked to me, and simply said "Sorry, man."

_What the fuck?_

* * *

**A/N: Somewhat of a bridging chapter, I'm afraid, but necessary for the story. Hope you enjoyed it anyway. :)**


	12. Somebody That I Used To Know

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

**A/N: This chapter deals with some of the triggers I mentioned in the Author's Note back in Chapter 7 – if you think it may be too difficult for you to read, I'd advise you to turn back now.**

**The song featured in this chapter is Poke by Frightened Rabbit**

* * *

**Chapter Twelve: Somebody That I Used To Know**

I waited in the hospital for over an hour, not sure what to do with myself. I didn't want to leave, since Bella was so close, but she had so much to worry about already – I didn't want to add to it. Embry told me he'd gone to track her down, knowing I'd need answers only she could give me. She was living in San Francisco as a school teacher and seemed happy. I was grateful to him, but was too afraid to ask if she'd come willingly or if it was just because of Charlie. I think it would have hurt too much if it was the latter.

Charlie was doing well, it seemed. He was being watched over in his room by Bella and my dad, and Billy kept us updated but I knew better than to try and force myself into those close quarters with her. What the fuck was I meant to do? I needed to talk to her more than I needed air, but she wasn't ready, and I wasn't exactly sure if I was, either. Embry and Dad convinced me to go home – there was nothing I could do for Bella and my presence seemed to be upsetting her. Feeling useless and like a burden, I acquiesced and left.

I tried to sleep when I got home. My muscles ached with tension and I felt so mentally exhausted by what had happened last night that I knew I wouldn't even be semi-functional for the day unless I tried. I failed miserably – every time I willed my brain to let go and allow me some relief, I'd be haunted by images of Bella's distraught face and how she'd been horrified to find me at the hospital. I felt like I was going crazy – I couldn't stay awake properly and now I couldn't even sleep. I was too worried about everything that was happening, worried that Bella would leave before I got my answers, that I'd be so destroyed by what I'd find out that it would turn me into a monster again. I just laid in my bed, staring at the ceiling and waiting for my mind to go blank.

It must have worked, somehow, because I woke up around sunset to a knock on my front door. I was confused and disoriented, and it took me a second to figure out what time of day and what day of the week it was. Everything about Charlie's accident came flooding back and I was fully alert once again. I pulled on a pair of cut-offs that were on the foot of my bed and made my way to the livingroom. I can't describe my shock when I opened my front door to find Bella on the porch, wringing her hands and looking as exhausted as I still felt.

"Bella," I said, like it was the answer to a prayer. Despite her dishevelled appearance, she was still the most beautiful girl I'd ever laid eyes on. Time had been good to her, and she'd outgrown the awkward, clumsy teenager stage into a beautiful graceful woman who carried herself with maturity and experience. I wasn't sure if it was all bravado or not, but it suited her nonetheless. She didn't meet my gaze, instead looking behind herself uncomfortably, like she was a child being punished for something and being forced to apologise to the neighbour.

When she turned back, I didn't miss the sharp intake of breath she gave, and her eyes roved over my torso, my arms and finally my face before she caught herself and averted her gaze again. It was comforting to know I wasn't the only one still feeling the attraction between us like static in the air. She could stare at me all day if she wanted, so long as I got to stare back.

"Hi, Jacob, did I wake you?" she asked. Even her voice was different. I knew she was nervous, but it wasn't the soft, gentle tone I was used to hearing.

"It's fine, I shouldn't have slept so long anyway. Did you want to come in?" I asked, scratching the back of my head absent-mindedly. I noticed my own voice was different too – thick with sleep but shaking with nerves.

"No, no... I just- I heard you pulled Charlie from the wreckage of the crash, and I wanted to thank you, just in case I don't get another chance," she clarified.

"What do you mean?" I said, suddenly frantic. "Charlie's still injured, I thought you'd be staying, and I still need to talk to you..."

"I am staying – he's going to need round-the-clock care once he's discharged, so I wasn't sure when I'd get the chance to come here again."

"Oh, well I would have visited. I mean, it's Charlie," I said, attempting to smile. A small crease appeared between her brows and she rested her head on the door frame, studying me closely.

"Yeah, I guess you would," she said, more to herself than anyone. I was getting antsy – she was so close but still to far away and even though, to me, I'd only seen her a week ago, my wolf knew it had been much longer than that; I was dying to pull her into my arms and just breathe her in – her scent was more comforting to me than anything else in the world. Bella smelled like home.

"Are you sure you wouldn't like to come in? I could make coffee," I ventured, noticing she was trying to stifle a yawn. Her eyes darted around the interior of the house as she debated whether to accept the offer. I didn't know why she was so nervous, but I guessed the last time we'd spoken hadn't ended well.

"Are you alone?" she said sheepishly. Ah, so she was nervous about running into Maya. I was surprised she even knew about her, but then she had kept in touch with Charlie. Maybe he'd mentioned something.

"Yeah, it's just me. It's kind of hard to plan a wedding when you don't remember meeting your fiancée," I joked, and her face fell. _Oh, brilliant, Jake, lead with the fact that you were engaged to another woman. That'll make her feel really special._

"I guess so," she said, curtly. I berated myself once again for being so careless.

"Maya and I are just friends now, we both agreed it was best since I have no recollection of our relationship, and I still have feelings for..." S_hut up! What is wrong with you, Black? You're coming on way too strong. _I cleared my throat uncomfortably, avoiding Bella's gaze as I moved to grab some coffee mugs.

"So anyway, she never really lived with me, she has her own place on the Res," I finished, wondering why the hell I was still talking about Maya.

"That's nice, that you're still friends," Bella said detachedly.

"I think so, yeah. She's a great girl. You never met her, right?" I asked. _And we're still talking about Maya... why? _Bella made a strange noise and shifted uncomfortably in her seat. It was disconcerting how we were talking like two old friends who ran into each other at the airport, but I didn't know how else to approach this.

"Not really, I was never introduced. I was passing through Forks back in 2013 and saw her," she said, and I got the distinct feeling she was leaving something out.

"Oh yeah? How did you know it was Maya?" I asked confusedly. She hadn't been introduced, yet she just happened to know who she was? The small blush staining Bella's cheeks was my answer. "Oh... you uh, _saw _us?"

"More than I cared to, yeah." I felt a stab of guilt – Bella had seen me with my imprint. Something I never wished her to witness. I didn't know what the hell to say. The thought of her even _kissing_ another guy was enough to have my insides twisting uncomfortably.

"Oh... I uh... wow. I'm really sorry, Bella," I said morosely. She shrugged as she took the coffee I offered her. We both paused at the shock of being in contact again – I thought obliquely that today was the first time I remembered seeing her and not giving her a hug in greeting. It was wrong. Bella cleared her throat softly and warmed her hands on the cup.

"'S fine. Ancient history. You didn't know." That made me feel slightly better, but not much.

"So, Embry tells me you're a schoolteacher. That's awesome," I said, attempting to change the subject.

"Uh yeah," she said uncomfortably. I guessed this wasn't the first time we'd spoken about this.

"Sorry, I had to learn a lot in the past week. I found out I'm still working on cars," I said, before cringing. "But I guess you already know that." She smiled softly as she sipped at her coffee.

"Yeah, I did, but that's okay."

"It's kind of messed up having to find everything out second hand," I mused. "But I've only had one memory come back to me so far, and it wasn't very recent." I sipped from my own mug and looked out the window.

"Well, that's better than nothing, I guess," Bella said. She still sounded so guarded that it was making my heart sink. "Was it a good one?" I turned to look her in the eye and nodded.

"It was about you," I said. "We were... uh, together," I said, feeling my face heating up. Bella responded with her own blush and studied the contents of her cup.

"Oh... well, yeah that isn't very recent at all," she replied, clearly thrown that I'd come out and said it. "Look Jake, I've had a long day and I just wanted to come over and say thanks. I should really get back to my Dad's place and start getting ready for him coming home." She moved to place her coffee mug in the sink and turned to leave the kitchen.

My heart started pounding heavily in my chest. I couldn't let her leave – I needed answers, and I didn't know how I'd cope if I had to wait any longer. I didn't know how I was supposed to cope without her. She had just crossed the threshold into the living room when I stood up and rasped out.

"Why'd you leave me, Bells?"

I sounded like a wounded dog, but I couldn't help it. All the emotion of the past week was roaring to the surface and I just had to know. Bella froze with her back to me and studied her feet. There was a strangled gasp before she let out a shuddering breath and raised her head again.

"I didn't have a choice, Jake. I thought I was protecting you," she said, Her voice was cracking and I had the urge to go to her, but I stopped myself. I couldn't be sure it wouldn't scare her away. "I can't believe I have to tell you again... too much, it's too much..."

"Tell me what you mean, _please._ It's not your job to protect me, Bella. It's my job to protect _you_," I pleaded. She shook her head before turning back to face me.

"You don't get it. I was protecting you from what was going to happen – what I thought would happen," she said, and the tears were coming thick and fast now. I wondered how she could even see anything in front of her. Her chest heaved with heavy sobs, and her hand found its way to her mouth, as if willing the words to stay inside, so their destruction could be stopped.

"I don't understand, Bella. Please, tell me. I feel like I've forgotten how to live and you hold the answer. What _happened_ to us?" I was sobbing too, now. Those floodgates had finally given in to the battering of my emotions, and everything was free to flood the room and destroy whatever was stood in its way.

"It was Edward," she choked, raking a hand through her hair and staring at nothing. "He lied to me."

And just like that, it all came screaming back.

* * *

**_Six Years Ago..._**

"You always believed whatever he said, didn't you? No questions asked! No-one could ever compare to your precious Edward!" I yelled, seething with anger. Bella stood in front of me, her face a mask of hurt and pleading. I'd come to her apartment off campus, finally able to confront her for leaving me.

"That's not fair Jacob! Was I supposed to take the chance? Was I supposed to just stay with you, waiting for the day I'd have to watch you die? I didn't have a choice!" she shouted. I'd never seen her so angry before.

"There's always a fucking choice, Bella! You were supposed to love me, believe in me. We could have faced it together!" I said, pressing my fingers into my own chest as I spoke.

"They told me she had a vision of you dying if I stayed with you, no matter what I did. I'd have to lose you! How the hell was I meant to live with that? Tell me!" she shoved my shoulder as hard as she could, but I barely moved.

"So you just lied to me? Let me think, all this time, that I wasn't good enough? How do you think that made me feel? Huh? To know the _one_ person I loved most in the whole world didn't want me?"

She shook her head, her face clenched in pain, willing me to stop talking.

"I wanted you more than anything, Jacob, don't you see that? If it meant I couldn't have you, just so you'd stay alive, I had to do it. I couldn't be the one responsible for your death," she sobbed, and my anger at her willed me back from being her comfort.

_Why won't our love keel over as it chokes on a bone?__  
__We can mourn its passing and then bury it in__ snow.__  
__  
__Or should we kick its head in and watch as it dies from bleeding?__  
__If you don't want to be with me just say and I will go._

"Well you were wrong," I said coldly. "I died a long time ago. The man you knew ceased to exist the day you told me you were leaving with _him._"

I turned away from her and started pacing the room, trying to hold back the urge to phase. I'd end up destroying her apartment, maybe even hurting her if I did, and it would be just one more thing to add to the pile of shit and pain that was my life now. I'd just lost my Alpha, all because I'd held on to a stupid vendetta against any vampire that I found, but I couldn't lose her too.

"Please, don't say that. Don't talk that way. It's already too much,"she pleaded, but I couldn't muster up the control to relent.

"The thing I don't get is," I thought aloud, ignoring her pleas. "You found out that they had made it all up, you knew they were just lying in order to keep you with Cullen, so why, when you found out, didn't you come back to me?" I turned to her again, noticing all the colour leaving her face.

"You could have come to me, explained everything. I would have understood, after a while. But now-" I shook my head in disgust. "You stayed gone, you left me worrying about you, thinking you were a fucking leech, imagining his hands all over you as you continued your fucked-up existence. You could have ended all of that, but you didn't." I strode up to her again, and studied her eyes. I couldn't take the chance that she'd lie to me this time. The truth was too long coming, now. "Why?"

She looked away from me, and her body seemed to collapse in on itself. The sound of her cries cut through me to the very core. Something was very fucking wrong here. I couched down beside where she'd fallen back on the sofa, taking her hands where they were clenched tightly on her lap and and willing her to look at me. I was starting to get really scared – Bella had never looked so distraught, so devastated; she was shaking violently and struggling for breath.

"Bella? Bella, come on, honey, breathe for me," I pleaded, my worry soon overtaking my anger at her. She was having a panic attack. Her eyes were wild, and unfocused, and I was afraid she was about to black out. I took her hand, placing it on my chest and tried to slow down my own breathing so she could follow suit. "Do it with me, baby, please. Come on, in – out," I said, breathing deeply.

After about a minute, her breathing seemed to be returning to normal and I squeezed her hand, proud of her, and relieved all at once. I sat down beside her, and tried to pull her into my arms, but she shrugged me off, turning away from me again. A spark of hurt festered in my stomach, but I tried to ignore it. Whatever Bella's reasons were for staying away, I didn't know them and couldn't judge. I'd realised that the moment she'd started panicking.

"Don't, Jake. Don't give me your sympathy. It's all my fault," she said weakly. I tried to turn her back towards me but she refused. "Stop, _please._ Stop being so perfect, so understanding. It's exactly why I couldn't come back to you."

That really confused me. She couldn't be with me because I was nice? She continued talking, and I guessed that she would find whatever it was easier to say if I didn't interrupt.

"By the time Alice told me the truth... it was too late. She only did it because she felt so guilty, after what happened...I wanted to go to you, right away, but I couldn't. I didn't deserve you anymore. How was I meant to explain everything to you? How was I meant to tell you what I'd done?"

She was crying again, but I resisted the need to hold her. She had to get this out, whatever it was. Her body was trembling and she had her fists clenched so tight I was sure she was about to draw blood. She looked to me at last, and her face was stained with tears. She looked broken, irreparable, lost.

"How was I meant to look you in the eye and tell you I'd lost our baby?"

* * *

"The baby," I whispered, and her eyes darted to mine suddenly.

"You... you remember?" she choked, her tears trailing down her cheeks relentlessly.

I sank back on the chair and held my face in my hands. Everything made sense now. The monster I became, the anger at the world. Why I'd become the person I needed to be to deal with all the pain I couldn't face. I had to do it, or I would have lost my mind.

"You were pregnant when you left with them, you didn't know, but you couldn't handle the stress of leaving me, what they put you through. You lost our baby because of what they did to you," I said, recalling the night she told me in vivid detail.

"I couldn't come back here knowing that my actions had lost us our child. I couldn't look at you every day feeling the guilt of knowing how I'd hurt you. I ran. I left this all behind so we could both move on," she rasped, finally moving back into the kitchen and sitting across from me.

"I just kept picturing your face. First, when I told you I was pregnant. You were always so great with kids. I knew you'd make an amazing father. That baby would have had more love and family than it ever needed. We would have been forever bonded by that tiny person," she said smiling sadly.

"Then I pictured how you'd look when I told you about the miscarriage. You were so devastated when I told you, Jake. It was like I could see the very moment your heart shattered into pieces, right there in your eyes." Her own eyes clenched shut as she grimaced in recollection. Her guilt was still eating her, even now.

"You wouldn't let me comfort you when I found out," I recalled.

"How could I? It was all my fault. We could be happy now, if I'd just never listened to them."

"You can't blame yourself for that, Bella. It was what they did to you – how could you have known?"

"It doesn't change the fact that it _happened._ I knew one day you'd blame me, and we'd never get over it. We couldn't be together. Not after I killed what we had, Jake."

I shook my head adamantly.

"I could never blame you for that, Bells."

"You should."

"I don't. I love you too much to blame you."

"It's too late – too much has happened, I think. We're not the same people any more."

"We could be. I've seen what we were like. We were perfect, Bella, just like I knew we would be."

"You don't... hate me?"

"I could never hate you."

_Should look through some old photos, I adored you in every one of those.  
If someone took a picture of us now they'd need to be told _

_That we had ever clung and tied a navy knot with arms at night  
'I'd say she was his sister but she doesn't have his nose.'_

And now we're unrelated and rid of all the shit we hated,  
But I hate when I feel like this

_And I never hated you.  
_


	13. Devil On Your Back

_Disclaimer:_ _All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise._ _No copyright infringement is intended._

**A/N: Suggested Listening: Shake It Out by Florence And The Machine**

* * *

**Chapter Thirteen: Devil On Your Back**

_And every demon wants his pound of flesh  
But I like to keep some things to myself  
I like to keep my issues drawn  
It's always darkest before the dawn _

**Bella POV**

Healing is necessary for the soul. It's strange, but I was sure I'd dealt with my demons a long time ago – I'd vanquished them, cast them out from my life and reinvented myself. I had a new name, a mysterious past, a different identity. I'd started with the real-life monsters. Edward Cullen was my demon. Once I'd seen him as an angel – a saviour from the mundane existence of small-town life. But angels don't lie, or manipulate, or control. Angels don't emotionally blackmail you with the death of your lover if you chose to be with someone else. Edward never threatened Jacob – he never personally promised to hurt him – he was too proper for that. Instead, they threatened me with possibilities, with half-certainties that I had no way of changing in my weak human form. I'd left him, as soon as I knew it was safe to. As soon as I knew Jacob wasn't at risk, I'd put the Cullens in my rear-view mirror and never looked back. After that it was the demon of my guilt. I'd spent many a night in despair, hating myself for what I'd done, the pain I'd caused, what Jacob and I had lost. I tortured myself with dreams of a lost future, where Jacob and I struggled as young parents, where we faced the challenges of raising a child head on, together, hand in hand, like we always had. With time, I grew stronger. I patched up the wounds. I forged onwards. I became Izzie.

It wasn't until that evening in Jacob's unfamiliar home, as I looked into the eyes of the father of my child, and he told me he didn't blame me for losing him, that I felt truly healed. Jacob said I'd brought him something he thought was out of reach – understanding. His life had been cast into a turmoil of uncertainties and half stories, and the one answer he had yet to find was 'why'. Why had he become a dark mutation of himself? Why had he blanched at all emotional intimacy? Why had Sam Uley's memory become one of such pain for him, such anger? It was easy to see now. Our baby would have been an Alpha – but he ever even got the chance to live. Jake had been conditioned to believe Alpha's shouldn't die. But they do. Sam died. Our baby died. Jake cursed the memory of the only one he could, because cursing our unborn child was too painful even for his cold emotionless self. He blamed Sam.

I only knew bits and pieces of Jacob's existence after Sam's death. Mostly of what Charlie had insinuated and what Embry had drunkenly told me that night we'd almost destroyed any chance of fixing our broken relationships with Jacob. I knew he was a shadow of himself. I knew he was a harsh leader, that he'd taken out his frustrations on the only people who were strong enough to withstand it – The Pack. I'd spent so much time thinking Jacob blamed me for our son's death, that I didn't harbour any hope that we'd ever reconcile. I still blamed myself, why shouldn't Jacob? It had been one particularly hard night, two years ago, after the birth of one of my co-worker's children, that I decided enough was enough.

It was always difficult to be around pregnant women, so full of hope and excitement. Debbie had told me that she and her husband had trouble conceiving. They'd tried everything, time and time again, but she had never been able to carry a child to full term. Stacey was her "little miracle", she said. I asked how she and her husband got through the grieving process with all that heartbreak. She simply told me that even though they'd lost so much, they still had each other. She couldn't have gotten through it without him. I left for Forks that weekend, disgusted with myself. I hadn't given Jacob the chance to be there for me. If Jacob blamed me for our child's death, he could, but we needed closure. We needed to close that door on our lives and re-establish our connection. I held out a futile hope that maybe Jacob had had some time to heal. Maybe now he'd forgiven me, and we could try to be together again. It was only by talking to Embry that I found out Jacob never blamed me for losing our baby, only for not allowing him to be there for me in the aftermath. I'd been selfish, as always. Too consumed by my own guilt to let Jacob do what _he _needed to do to heal, Jacob fixed things – he needed to be there to help fix me, it was how he coped. But I'd denied him that opportunity because I couldn't face looking into his eyes and wondering if our son would have taken after him, and feeling like I'd robbed Jacob of something he would have excelled at. I was too late anyway. By the time I came to my senses, he was happily imprinted, and I couldn't have been further from his mind.

Now though, we had a second chance. Jacob was free from the bonds of his imprint. I was free from my all-consuming guilt. We could be together again if we wanted it. I knew I did. I needed Jacob in my life more than anything in the world. I felt like a vital limb was missing without him. When I'd moved to California, I thought that becoming Izzie would make me whole again. It worked, somewhat, but when the time came to come up with a surname, I chose the first one to come to mind – Black. Being with Jacob had been the one time in my life where I felt complete, confident and worthy. I wanted to take some of that magic with me. I took Jacob's name, because I couldn't have him.

We talked well into the night. I told Jacob the full story of what had happened, because he couldn't trust his memories. It was all becoming too much for him, and I couldn't fathom how he'd been coping this past week, feeling like he was in the midst of a bad dream. I got to the part about telling Edward I couldn't bear to raise Jacob's child amongst vampires, when he'd surely become a werewolf, and I'd doubled over in stabbing pain to my abdomen, when Jacob asked me to stop. I'd been at a loss as to what to do. I wanted Jacob to know his child, but how could I do that when being with me would cause his death? There had been a huge argument, wherein I asked Alice to see how things would turn out if we were separate parents. She was evasive, and said she'd just had the one vision of me standing over his grave, and hadn't gotten anything else. I asked her how she hadn't seen our baby, and she blamed the werewolves blocking mechanism. It was then that I knew who my child would become. I didn't know at the time it was because the visions were never real to begin with.

It was strange how I could talk about it now, as if it were the events of a movie I'd seen, or had happened to a friend. It was still too raw for Jacob. He'd never really gotten the entire story start-to finish before anyway, so I could see why he was having such trouble. I was still amazed by him – his control and his capacity for love even after everything he'd heard. It was a testament to his strength that he hadn't completely shut down and told me to leave, adopting his coping mechanisms from before. I could tell it was becoming too much, and excused myself to return to Charlies, knowing Jacob and I had all the time in the world to talk about this if it was what we wanted. I promised him I wouldn't be leaving for a while, and would be available any time he wanted to talk. He thanked me wholeheartedly, but apologised, because he could no longer hold back the urge to phase. He was out the back door no sooner than we had said goodbye, and I just hoped he had a good friend out there with him to help process what I'd said. I let myself out, and drove back to Forks There was s lightness to my step I'd missed, and I knew it was down to what had happened between Jacob and I. It wasn't over, but I felt like we were at the beginning of something amazing.

Over the next week, I threw myself into being Charlie's carer. He was released from the hospital after a few days observation for infection and blood clots, but had been given the all clear. In true Charlie form, he was the worst patient, and I thanked my lucky stars I hadn't become a nurse, because dealing with a ward full of Charlies would try anyone's patience.

Jacob stopped by every day. At first he was hesitant, but I could tell he was happier, more content with everything than he'd been before. He told me what happened between him and Quil, and I was horrified. I couldn't connect the Jacob I knew to the person who'd inflicted such hardships on his best friend. I knew Jacob was remorseful though, and had been eager to make it up to him. Quil had been phased the night before when I left Jacob's. He finally understood why his friend treated him in such a way.

"He told me he gets it now, Bells. He said he spent so long hating me for acting like that, just because you'd left me, and was always trying to give me the kick he thought I needed to just get over it. He never knew the real reason, and while I'll never condone what I did to him, he understands. He just wishes I'd told him sooner."

Jacob was on hand to help move Charlie, run errands and just keep him company. I could tell he was trying to rebuild their relationship as much as ours. We decided to tell Charlie the truth about what happened, with some amendments, when he was feeling better, hoping that once he knew the reasons for my absence and Jacob's behaviour, he'd be more open to the idea of us being friends again. Jacob wanted to tell both our fathers together. He said they faced everything as a team, and he wanted them to have each other when they found out the devastating truth.

I felt like I was in limbo. I had two lives now, and while my boss back in California told me that I could take all the time I needed to care for my father, I knew I couldn't take advantage of that kindness forever. I'd have some decisions to make, but what scared me was how simple it was becoming. I didn't want to leave Forks. Jacob and I were re-connecting in a way I could only have fantasized about, and he was actually beginning to talk about our unborn son without stiffening. It was a healing process for both of us, and I knew we were nowhere near the end, but I could feel a sense of hope I never thought I'd find. The darkness in our lives was lifting, and dawn was approaching, and for once, I wasn't afraid of change.

It took a week for Jacob to suggest we go out on a date. I still wasn't sure he was ready for something like that, and was apprehensive about pinning my hopes on something that could end up damaging us more than helping, but one look at those earnest brown eyes and I was like putty in his hands. What harm could one dinner be? I agreed tentatively, but told he we had to take things slow. I still wasn't sure I was moving back here, I told him, even though mentally I was wondering if there would be a job opening in the area.

I hadn't known what damage that night would truly do to us. I engrossed myself in the ritual of getting ready. If I had known I think I might have suggested we stay home, and get to know each other safe within the confines of my house. I would have had my protector with me, my very own Alpha who would rather watch the world burn than see a hair on my head harmed. Nervous butterflies danced in my stomach, and I thought about which assets to play up most for Jacob. He'd always told me he liked my eyes, so I accentuated them. I wore tight-fitting jeans to show off my figure a little. I placed his wolf charm, now on a necklace since the bracelet had been broken long ago over my head. I was scared, but excited, and I needed this to go right more than I cared to admit even to myself. Charlie was apprehensive. He said Jacob and I had a knack for hurting each other, but I told him we were both adults now – the kids we were didn't exist anymore, and I wanted to know Jacob the man, and learn about who he was now right along with him. I hadn't known what was waiting for me as I went to answer the door that night, thinking it was Jacob coming to pick me up for our date. It wasn't his soft espresso gaze which captured mine when I opened the door.

No, these eyes were red, and unfamiliar, and I obliquely thought about how I was seeing my first vampire in nearly a decade, right before everything went dark.

_And I've been a fool and I've been blind  
I can never leave the past behind  
I can see no way, I can see no way  
I'm always dragging that horse around_

_All of these questions, such a mournful sound_  
_Tonight I'm gonna bury that horse in the ground_  
_So I like to keep my issues drawn_  
_But it's always darkest before the dawn_


	14. A Violence Like This

_Disclaimer:_ _All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise._ _No copyright infringement is intended._

**A/N: Sorry for the break in updates, but this is the longest chapter yet! I have also posted an out-take from Chapter 10 on my Author's Page, it's called Human Heat and it's what _could _have happened that night at the bar between Bella and Embry if she hadn't stopped them from going further. I'd love to see some reviews on that!**

**This chapter picks up from the night of Bella and Jacob's talk, from Jake's point of view. I hope you'll forgive the overlap, but this is Jacob's story, and I want you guys to go through everything along with him.**

**Suggested Listening:**

**We Found Each Other In The Dark by City and Colour (Bella/Jake)**

**Steal Your Words by Sundowner (Jacob getting ready for his date)**

**Violence by Against Me! (The Pack hunt)**

* * *

**Chapter Fourteen: A Violence Like This**

Quil was phased when I left Bella in my house that night. I couldn't believe I was actually going in the opposite direction to where she was, leaving her when all that I was required me to be close to her, hold her to me and never let go. She was here again, letting the ghosts of our past walk among us as she recounted the story of how we'd been broken. I knew the answers now; there was a meaning to my life again. As always, it was given to me by Bella.

His mind was focused entirely on mine as I let him see what I'd learned. He was speechless – well as speechless as someone can be when you can hear their every thought, but when he snapped back to the present, I felt a wave of compassion come my way. I basked in it. I knew that we'd reached a level of understanding now that would go towards healing what I'd wounded.

_I had no idea, Jake, I'm sorry._

_I really don't know why I wouldn't have told you._

_I don't think it's something you wanted to talk about. I don't think I could. But I get it, now._

_You do?_

_Yeah. I kept pushing and pushing, and resenting you for wallowing in your misery just because it didn't work out with Bella. I never even thought that there could be something more to it._

A flash of memory came to his mind then. In it, I was livid, snarling with rage and telling him to mind his own business. Quil kept taunting, wanting to get a rise out of me. I knew from the recollection he just wanted to see me feel _something. _My fist came flying at his face. His world went hazy, but he still wouldn't relent.

"_That's it, Jake. Give me all you got. Fuck knows you have to have _something _left in that thick shell. You want to hit me? Do it. DO SOMETHING!"_

I phased then, and so did he, and then it was a mash of fur and claws and teeth. I got the upper hand. Quil registered that he'd gone too far, but I was too far gone to notice. I shook my head to free myself from the memory.

_Sorry, man, couldn't help thinking back on it._

_It's okay. I know I let you down, and I hate even thinking of it without witnessing the memories. It's just hard seeing myself like that._

_It was hard for me, too._

Things were quiet for a moment, as memories of good times we'd had flowed through his mind. I felt nostalgic, and so did he, recalling our childhood play and teenage antics. It was fulfilling, seeing part of our lives I didn't remember too, but wherein I looked like I was content and happy. The last one was an image of my face, the morning after Bella and I first made love. I was glowing with sheer joy.

_Jake?_

_Yeah, Quil?_

_I hope you and Bella get another chance at things. I think I'd like a nephew some time soon._

I huffed a wolfish laugh.

_I'll try my best, man._

* * *

I couldn't keep away from Bella anymore. I knew it was probably wrong of me to use the excuse of Charlie's accident to see her, but I got the feeling she didn't mind much. The old man was wary of me, I could tell, but I wanted to rekindle the bond we'd always had. I think it helped that I saved his life, and I could feel the walls he was putting up starting to crumble – that comforted me. I wouldn't admit it aloud, but part of me was hoping to be accepted again by Charlie, so one day he'd be okay with me becoming his son-in-law. It was the dream.

I was sat at their kitchen a few days after Bella's visit, peeling potatoes for our dinner while he snoozed in the family room.

"Do you ever wonder what he would have been like?" I said, breaking our companionable silence. Bella froze in front of the sink, and I briefly worried that I'd made a mistake, bringing up the subject of our son, but I couldn't stop thinking about him. I wanted to know if she felt the same.

"Every day," she said softly.

"I bet he would have been into cars. No kid of mine would reach his fifth birthday without having his paws inside an engine," I smiled.

"Yeah, and I'd have to get used to the never-ending wash-loads of two grease-monkeys," she joked.

"You would be one busy mommy, alright."

"Not to mention, I'd probably have to take a second job just to keep up with the food bill."

"Are you saying our kid would have been a fatty?" I said in mock offence. Bella giggled lightly, and my stomach flipped at the sound. I'd forgotten what her laugh sounded like.

"No, but his appetite would probably rival yours, since he'd never be in the house much. If he was anything like his daddy, I'd probably have to consider having him electronically tagged, just to know where he was half the time."

A lump in my throat formed at that. _Daddy._

"I guess you have a point. But hey, he could go the other way, Maybe he'd be a total bookworm and I'd have to make sure no-one teased him at school for being a nerd like his mother."

"He could be both. Smart _and _athletic."

"I bet he would have been. I bet he'd be that kid everyone secretly hated because he was so good at everything."

"Just like you, then," she said, smiling softly.

I bowed my head at the compliment, concentrating on my task again. I hoped she was half right – the truth was, if our boy was still around, I hoped he'd be more like her than anything. Looks, intelligence, forgiveness and compassion. Maybe some of my height and strength, just so he wouldn't struggle in life, and my interests too so we'd have lots in common. Just like me and just like Bella.

Just like_ us._

* * *

I invited Quil and Embry over to watch the game. In reality, I wanted some time with them both, now that things were settling down. Things were a little awkward at first, since I gathered we hadn't done something like this in years. Quil hadn't even been to my house since just after I moved in. We lounged on my furniture, each of us concentrating on the TV and not sure what there was to talk about. I needed to get to know them again, I just didn't know how.

"So, how is Claire doing?" I asked Quil, recalling that if there was one thing that he had no problem talking about, it was his imprint. He scrunched up his face uncomfortably.

"She's dating," he groaned. Embry laughed and I gaped at them both.

"Isn't she like, twelve?"

He held out his hands gratefully. "Yes! That's exactly what I said. Apparently she's not a little kid any more and she likes boys now." He took a swig of his beer and rolled his eyes,

"Tough break, man. Anyone you should be worried about?" I asked, trying to think of the families I knew from the Makah Reservation.

He shrugged irritatedly. "Evan Greyhorse. He's a good kid, but I still don't like it. She keeps telling me to leave him alone, but I want to have a little man-to-man talk with him. You remember what we were like at thirteen," he said, and Embry and I grimaced simultaneously.

"I remember what _you _were like," Embry said. "If he's anything like that, then yeah, You should be worried." Quil punched him lightly on the shoulder, spilling his beer.

"Thanks for the reassurance, Em. I'm glad you didn't become a shrink," he retorted.

With that, the conversation turned to women, and I couldn't help but question them both about my less than spotless record with the opposite sex before I met Maya. I was surprised to hear some of the names they dropped – a lot of them were pretty good-looking ladies from our school that we'd all lusted after from time to time. I figured I'd finally taken advantage of the changes in my body from the transformation. I wasn't sure whether to be proud or disgusted with myself, and I hoped most of them had moved off the reservation by now. There would be nothing more awkward than running into an old conquest when I didn't even remember sleeping with them.

"So enough about the Alpha's groupies, how are things going with Bella?" Quil asked, as Embry got up to grab more beer. I couldn't help the smile I gave upon hearing her name.

"Pretty well, I think. We've been talking through things a lot and catching up. I'm not sure what her plans are, but I'm kind of hoping she's thinking of moving home," I confessed. Quil held out the neck of the bottle to me in warning.

"Don't dance around it too much. You don't want to get stuck in the friend-zone again," he said, before taking another swig.

"I hear you, but I can't rush things, we've got so much to work through that I think it'd be too much pressure to just jump into anything," I replied dejectedly.

"Well I don't mean jump her bones, just, you know... ask her out to dinner or something. Wine and dine her a little, and do it soon. Bella's a Grade A hottie, and I'm sure I'm not the only one who's noticed," he said, quirking a mischievous brow. "Do you really want some other guy getting his paws on her and sexing her up before you get the chance?"

A smash was heard from Embry's direction in the kitchen, and a muffled curse followed as he began to clear up the mess.

"Everything alright back there, Em?" I called, and he cleared his throat uncomfortably.

"Yeah fine, bottle was a little slick, guess it slipped out of my hand," he said. His voice sounded a little strained, and I frowned at him.

"See? That's why you always got picked last for football. You're a dropper," Quil supplied.

I walked into the kitchen, where Embry was crouched over the remnants of his beer. He didn't look up when I handed him a broom, instead taking it and getting to work on the cleaning.

"You sure everything's alright man? You seem kind of jumpy," I said, studying him closely. It was pure instinct for me to know when one of my pack was troubled, and as far as I was concerned, Embry was still Pack to me. He nodded, not looking at me and placed the shards in the trash.

"Seriously, just had an accident is all," he said, dusting his hands off and rinsing them in the sink. "Quil's right, you know."

"About what, you being a dropper? You weren't _that _bad," I smirked. He half-smiled back and shook his head.

"No. I mean about Bella. You should make a move, you know? Take things slow, but let her know how you feel."

I eyed him closely, watching his expression as he walked past me and back to his seat on the couch. "What makes you say that? Is she with someone back in San Francisco?" My heart sank at the idea, and I realised I hadn't really asked her when she came over. I'd just stupidly rambled on about Maya.

"No, not that I'm aware of," he said evasively, "I just remember what it was like for you when she was with Cullen. I wouldn't want you to have to go through that again."

I breathed a sigh of relief and nodded. "You're right, yeah. You both are. Maybe I'll take her out this weekend. I could say she needs to get out of the house for a while."

They both nodded in agreement.

"Good idea," Embry said.

"Go get her, dude," Quil smirked.

My heart started pounding erratically at the prospect of asking a girl out – I couldn't remember ever doing it before, but this was Bella. If I had it my way, I'd never ask another girl out again.

* * *

I showered for the second time, cursing my nerves. Bella had said yes, I didn't know why I was getting myself so worked up, but I'd actually agonised over my hair in the mirror for twenty minutes before giving up and risking the product out again. This was getting ridiculous – it hadn't stopped raining all day, and I'd probably look and smell like a wet dog by the time I got to her house, but I wanted everything to go right. I was probably pinning too many hopes on this – Bella and I had agreed to take things slow, and go out as friends just to blow off a little steam and get her away from Charlie and his frustrated mood for a while. I actually wondered if Charlie had any Quileute genes in him – the way he resented being cooped up reminded me of the guys when we were stuck indoors for any length, practically climbing the walls like the caged wolves we were. If Charlie had a wolf, he was sure to be a mean tracker.

I was convinced I looked like shit – I hadn't slept the night before, instead watching TV until I passed out to take my mind off my nerves. If I'd have thought ahead, I should have taken the nights patrol, just for something to do, or maybe told Mr. Singer that I could work on some stuff from home. As far as he was aware, I was still recuperating after my 'accident', and wouldn't be back for a week at least. It kind of sucked having to keep such a huge secret all the time.

I pulled all the clothes out of my closet. A lot of them were pretty nice, but I didn't even know where to start, and I wished it wouldn't make me look like such a pussy to ask the guys for advice – I'd never live it down if I called one of them to seek fashion inspiration. I was embarrassed for myself, and realised I could end up wearing something completely inappropriate. Had things changed much in 2015? I couldn't believe I was being such a girl about this. I buried my head in my hands and groaned. Why couldn't I just man up and choose something simple that I thought Bella might like?

_Because this is your first date with Bella. If you fuck this up, any part of it, you'll never forgive yourself._

My conscience was right – there was far too much riding on this for me to leave anything to chance. A knock at the front door pulled me from my slightly insane inner-monologue, and I frowned in the direction of the noise; all the guys knew I was busy tonight, and I'd told Bella I'd pick her up, so I couldn't think who it could be. I wiped my sweaty palms on the towel around my waist and went to open the door. Maya stood on the step, with a hood covering her head and her arms folded. She took in my state of undress and smirked knowingly at me.

"Just as I thought. Trouble picking out something to wear for the hot date?" she asked, pushing past me and sashaying towards the direction of my room.

"How did you-" I began, but she just shot me a condescending look from the doorway.

"Please. Jake, we were together for two years, you always freak out if you have to get dressed for something important. I always say, if you didn't spend most of your time half-naked, you'd be much better at dressing yourself," she scoffed.

I smiled at her, shaking my head, and wondering how I deserved such a great friend. Maya was kind, and sweet but she had a fierceness to her that I knew came from working around men all her life – she was nobody's sweetheart and nobody's darling, but she was selfless beyond anything I'd ever seen. Here she was, mere weeks after our engagement was called off, helping me get ready for a date with another girl.

"I have no idea where to start. Where did I get so many clothes?" I asked, gesturing to the mountain of fabric on my bed exasperatedly.

"Me, of course. I may be a mechanic, but I'm still a girl and I still know my way around a mall. Besides, you're like a damn Ken doll, everything looks good on you," she said, and I realised she wasn't even flirting – just stating a fact. I smiled as I folded my arms and leaned on the door frame.

"Alright, Carson Kressley, what should I wear?" I asked. She furrowed her brow and unzipped her hooded jacket before shrugging it off.

"Where are you taking her?" she said, beginning to sort through the hangers laden with shirts of different colours.

"Thai restaurant in Forks, Emily says the food's amazing and there's something for everyone even if you're not into the food," I supplied. Maya's eyes lowered, and she smiled sadly.

"Good choice," she said softly. I frowned, worrying I'd said something wrong, before I realised.

"Shit, I took you there?" I asked sorrowfully, and Maya laughed quietly.

"It was our favourite place, yeah," she said, turning her back to me and grabbing a hanger covered in pants.I studied the ground awkwardly, not sure what to say.

"That's really fucked up, Maya. I had no idea, I swear..." I began before she held up a dismissive hand.

"Jake, seriously, it's fine. It's just strange think of you going there with someone else – we went there every Saturday night for dinner, and I guess I'll always associate the place with you," she said.

"I can bring her somewhere else, Maya, it's no problem. Bella doesn't even know where we're going." Maya turned to look at me and smiled. She shook her head and came to stand before me, cupping my cheek with her hand.

"Don't be silly. I'm not hurt, just feeling a little sentimental. You've been robbed of so many memories – I want you to make more. If Bella likes it, I hope you can make it your special place, too. You always loved the food there, it'll make you happy."

"How are you so okay with this?" I asked, shocked by her show of selflessness.

"Because I love you, Jake. We're not right for each other any more, but I want you to be happy, and I want you to be able to enjoy this without worrying how I feel. And honestly, I hope you'll do the same for me, when the time comes for me to move on."

I nodded earnestly. "I promise, Maya. As long as he's a good guy, you'll get my blessing."

She smiled at me again and held up a sky-blue, long sleeved shirt. "This is the one. It sets off your skin wonderfully, and put it with those charcoal-grey dress-pants. Perfect," she said, holding up the clothes to me and leaning back to assess her choice.

"Yes, ma'am," I smirked. I could tell she'd worn the pants in our relationship by how she was speaking to me now. I took the shirt from her and slipped it on. "How's my hair," I asked nervously. She narrowed her eyes and giggled, gesturing me to dip my head within her reach and mussed it up thoroughly.

"What the hell? Did you just ruin my 'do?" I asked, half outraged, but laughing at the devilish smile she was giving me.

"It was too tidy – you didn't look like yourself, and if she knows you as well as you say she does, Bella will think so too. Trust me, this is much better." I turned to look in the mirror, and had to agree. It had a dishevelled look, and it seemed like I'd just gotten out of bed, but I looked relaxed and – I hoped – kind of sexy? I'd decided to go against shaving, instead using the beard-trimmer I found in the bathroom to leave me with a light shadow of stubble. The resulting look was grown up, and I finally thought I looked worthy to be going out with a professional teacher – when I still felt like a high-school student inside.

Maya left me to dress, coming back a few minutes later with a shot of whiskey. She assessed me from the doorway and nodded approvingly, holding out the whiskey to me. "To calm your nerves," she said, sloshing the glass in front of my chest. I cocked an eyebrow at her, but she wasn't relenting. "Trust me, it will help."

I downed the amber liquid and coughed – man, that was awful. I am definitely not a whiskey drinker, but the burning in my chest distracted from my racing heartbeat for a few moments. Maya was right, it did help. I reached for a pair of shiny dress-shoes at the bottom of my closet when she halted me.

"Dude, you're twenty-five, and you're not going to a wedding. Wear the black converse, much more casual and age-appropriate."

I shrugged and followed her instructions. No point in arguing with her now. When I was finished dressing, she eyed me appreciatively, and smiled.

"You scrub up nice, Ken. I'm sure Barbie will swoon when you show up at her door. What time are you leaving, anyway?" she asked.

I looked at the clock on my dresser. "Shit! I'm going to be late. Gotta go, Maya," I said sprinting for the door. I stopped just before opening it and turned around. I pecked her on the cheek and pulled her into a hug. "Thanks so much for doing this. I'd still be wearing a towel right now if you hadn't come over." She laughed lightly and patted me on the back.

"Any time, Jake. Now go, no use keeping her waiting!"

I grabbed the car keys and shot her a salute as I ran for my car.

"Yes, ma'am," I yelled, just before getting in.

* * *

The rain was showing no signs of letting up, and the wipers on my car were struggling to keep up with the onslaught. I wanted more than anything to speed all the way to Forks, but after last week's car accident, and the wet roads, I didn't want to have to re-schedule my date with Bells because I was pulling our transport out of a ditch. After what seemed like an eternity, I reached the turn off to her street, and pulled in as close to the house as I could manage before my impatience got to me. Dipping my head in an effort to keep the rain out of my eyes, I jogged up the steps and held up my hand, poised to knock. I froze. The door was wide open.

"Bella?" I called into the house. "Don't you think the weather's kind of crappy to leave the door open?" There was no reply, and I could hear Charlie's soft snores coming from the living room – his pain meds and the effort it took to get around when he was half-encased in plaster wore him out pretty early these days. I took a step inside, letting the door swing fully back, when the stench hit me. Sweet and putrid, and reeking of death. _Vampire._ I went straight into panic mode.

Had Cullen come back once he'd heard Bella was in Forks? Had she gone somewhere with him?

I inhaled again – no, this wasn't a scent I'd encountered before, and I knew from experience that it was a human-drinking leech; they had a sour undertone to their scent, and it made them even easier to track. Apart from that, there was the door. If she'd gone somewhere willingly, why was it sitting open, ready for anyone to walk in whenever they felt like it? I ran over to Charlie, checking him for any additional harm. He came round groggily, and looked at me in irritation.

"What you shaking me for, Jake? I was just resting my eyes."

"Charlie, where's Bella?" I demanded. He yawned lazily and shrugged.

"She'd been in the bathroom most of the day, getting ready for your date. Isn't she still in there?" I knew from the lack of movement in the house that she wasn't. Bella wasn't anywhere near here, and I didn't even know where to start looking.

"No, she isn't. Look, your front door was wide open when I got here, and Bella isn't in the house, she's not anywhere!" Charlie sobered up immediately, looking at me with an expression of pure panic.

"You think something happened? No, I would have heard it!" he exclaimed, his breathing becoming ragged.

"I'm going to look outside, maybe she went to get something and tripped," I said, backing away, and knowing it was a complete lie.

If there was a vampire after Bella, she hadn't gotten farther than the porch on her own two feet. I went back out the door, concentrating hard to follow the scent, but there was nothing. The rain was coming down so harshly that whatever trail had been left was washed away. I had no way of following it. Sprinting for the trees, I stripped off, leaving my carefully chosen outfit behind me in the mud before disappearing out of sight. Paul was on patrol when I phased in, and was trying to make sense of my erratic thoughts as I attempted to show him what happened.

_Shit! You're sure it was a leech?_

_Yes! I could smell it!_

_Jake, I've been running the perimeter for the last four hours, I caught no scent._

_It's this fucking rain, I can't track a thing because its all being washed away!_

I howled a summoning cry, alerting The Pack that they needed to phase in, right by one, they joined, freaked out and excited that we had a hunt. I showed them what I'd found, and the sparse clues we had to work with.

_Holy shit, Jake. I'm sorry. You just got her back!_

_This is fucked up, the leeches just take and take and don't give a shit about anyone but their kind._

_They're monsters, what do you expect?_

_I'll fuckin' tear it apart. I've been itching to get my jaws around something for weeks now. This bloodsucker picked the wrong time to play hide-the-Swan._

_We'll find her, man – you can make that piece of shit pay for this, we'll help._

I refused to accept their condolences. Bella wasn't dead yet, I would feel it if she was. I just had to find her. I mobilised The Pack, sending them off in different directions and putting Seth in charge of guarding Charlie and Bella's house. He had the best hearing out of all of us, and I needed him to be there in case it returned. I was taking no more chances. Whoever this leech was, they were as good as dead, and they were not getting the chance to come back for seconds.

After fifteen minutes of fruitless reports, I pushed my paws further into the forest. Bloodsuckers always used this place to hide out, and I would have bet that whoever took Bella had somewhere close-by to bring her. I just hoped I'd get there before it was too late.I was finding it hard to breathe – terror was wracking my body as I struggled to keep moving and concentrate on the hunt, ignoring the mental images of Bella laying broken and bloody on the forest floor somewhere, or worse – her body contorted in pain as her heart stopped and her skin turned to stone.

There was still no sign of a trail,and I was wondering if they'd used the tree-tops as an undetectable path when the air seemed to shimmer once again. I knew this feeling – it was one of the guys phasing in; but everyone was already out searching. Fuck – was this a new pup? They could not have picked a worse time to join The Pack.

_Leech! A fucking leech took her?_

I knew that mind, I realised. I'd heard it thousands of times before, and it was one I'd missed these past few days of reconnecting to The Pack without him – Embry.

His thoughts were making no sense, and he was feeling ill from transforming after so long. He was pacing rapidly, staring at his own paws and undecided as to what to do. How did he even know he was needed? Had he heard the howl? Quil went to work immediately, trying to calm him down.

_Embry, shit man, you phased? Calm down, we're already looking for her. Jake has Seth guarding her house and we're searching for a trail!_

_What? I'm at her house right now, there's no-one here!_

_(We have to find her, I missed my chance. Oh fuck, I can't do this. I can't lose her before I told her)_

_What are you talking about, Embry?_

I skidded to a halt, trying to make sense of his thoughts. He was thinking aloud, sharing some with us, but the underlying, panicked ones were what I was worried about.

_Before you told Bella **what**?_

I knew I was snarling at him, but my dominant, possessive nature was impossible to reign in. I was already trying to rescue the love of my life from something unnatural, hell-bent on draining her dry, if we were lucky, and now my best friend was freaking out and talking about her like he had some claim.

_What? Bella's missing? (Holy shit, not her too! What the fuck is going on!)_

He was genuinely shocked, I knew that much, but it didn't explain what the hell he was panicked about. '_Her too_'? I pressed him for a clear answer, my patience wearing thin.

_Wasn't that why you phased in? Because the leech took Bella?_

_No! Fuck! I had no idea she was taken! I phased in because of Maya! The leech took Maya!_

* * *

**A/N: Thoughts?**


	15. A Minor Incident

_Disclaimer:_ _All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise._ _No copyright infringement is intended_**_._**

**A/N: Suggested Listening: Minor Incident by Badly Drawn Boy. **

* * *

**Chapter Fifteen: A Minor Incident**

_There's nothing I could say  
To make you try to feel okay  
And nothing you could do  
To stop me feeling the way I do  
And if the chance should happen  
That I never see you again  
Just remember that I'll always love you _

**BPOV**

Something cold and damp pressed into my cheek was the first thing I was aware of upon waking. It was hard as stone, and felt rough like concrete. I willed my eyes to open, trying to adjust to the darkness – there wasn't much to see, and the smell of mildew and dust choked my lungs as I took a ragged breath. My hands were bound, I knew that much, and I couldn't separate my legs either, no matter how much I struggled. There was a pounding in my head that I knew wasn't from your average tension headache, and if I'd been able to inspect further, I was pretty sure I'd find blood caked in my hair; the coppery stench of it already had my stomach roiling uncomfortably. I struggled to sit up, as much the numbness in my shoulder would allow me from lying on my side, and after two attempts, my world was the right way up again. There was no source of light in the room, and I squinted fruitlessly, trying to locate a window or light coming from a doorway. I didn't know how long I'd even been here, or where 'here' even was, but knew instinctively that I needed to get out.

I'd been taken by a vampire, one I didn't recognise from my time with Edward, and I'd had enough experience of their kind to know what I probably wasn't here for a surprise party – the ropes around my hands and feet and the throbbing in my skull were proof enough of that alone. Straining my hearing, I listened out for sounds of movement coming from other areas of the building – footsteps on floorboards, muffled conversation, anything, but of course I couldn't hear a thing. Vampires could be a quiet as a grave if they wanted to be. I guessed that was why werewolves were gifted with such supreme hearing. My chest clenched sharply – Jacob.

He would know I was missing by now, and the thought comforted me beyond all else, but I couldn't help the nagging worry that overtook me as I pictured his face upon realising I was gone. He was so fragile right now, with his memory loss, finding out about the baby, and now this, I feared it would be enough to put him over the edge. Would he think I'd left him again? No, he couldn't. We were making such progress, even agreeing to a date (as friends, but I wouldn't tell him I has hoping for more). But what if he'd got to my house, only to realise I wasn't there? Maybe he'd pick up the scent of my captor and – oh shit, what if he thought I'd gone willingly? No. Jake would know me better than that. _Well he bought it pretty easily the last time you left with a vampire..._

Shaking my head, I willed away images of Jacob's face the day I'd told him I was going back to Edward. He hadn't really changed much since then – still the same blinding smile, the same strong jaw, the sensual lips – but his eyes, they were different now. Back then, they'd been full of hope and youth and anticipation – ready and willing to spend a life with me, but now his eyes were older than his years. They'd seen more than someone of his age should ever have to, and they'd cried more tears in anger than any young man should. Something had been extinguished in him when I said the words I knew he'd feared hearing over the course of our brief relationship, and I remember thinking – if I was to be turned, like I'd always planned, it probably wouldn't hurt so much after that. I felt like I was dying on the inside when I saw Jacob's world fall apart. What was a few more changes to complete the process?

Of course, if Jacob had taught me anything, it was that life went on, no matter how much you didn't care if it did, and I couldn't have spent an eternity knowing that Jacob had lived his life without me, thinking I didn't love him with every cell of my being.

I'd seen the light come back into those beautiful eyes over the past week. He'd recaptured some of that exuberance that made him Jake, and I'd felt like the moon, reflecting the rays of the sun – not quite as bright, but still whole and beautiful on its own merits. Jacob's happiness made me shine. Would I ever get to see that smile again? Or hear his filthy, bellowing laugh, when he found something truly funny that was probably very non-PC, and a little offensive? His sense of humour was unrivalled, and he could still be such a guy when he wanted to be. I wanted to hear that laugh again, or the smile in his voice I could hear when he was saying something just to get a rise out of me. A single tear left my eye as I thought about him. Would I get out of this before it was too late?

Will I ever see Jacob again? I wished I'd told him I loved him, just one more time. Maybe he already knows – Jake always knew me better than myself. I just hoped it would be a comfort for him, if it came down to it. Jake might have to go on living without me, but there should be no unanswered questions between us – he's the one for me.

I tried to muffle the sob that escaped as the thought of never seeing Jake again crashed down on me. I didn't want my captor to know I was awake, and I needed this moment to compose myself, to mourn for everything that was being ripped away from me – again – because of vampires. It was with my head buried in my bound hands that I head movement coming from somewhere off to my left. I froze. I wasn't alone.

A groan cut through the darkness, followed by a whispered curse and a shuffle – it sounded like a girl, and a human one at that, since she coughed and winced in pain.

"H-hello?" I whispered, and all movement stopped upon the sound of my voice.

"Uh, someone there?" she answered. She sounded young, and groggy, and for some reason I felt instantly calmer, knowing I wasn't here by myself.

"Yeah, but I don't really know where 'there' is. Can you see anything?"

I heard movement as she sat upright. "Not a damn thing. What the fuck happened?"

"I wish I knew.. I opened my front door, expecting my friend Jake to be on the other side and it was a v- _someone else_. They knocked me out and I woke up here." I wasn't sure how much this girl knew, but I figured telling her we'd been kidnapped by vampires probably wouldn't put her at ease – she'd either lose her mind or think I already had.

"Jake? Holy crap, _Bella?_" she said with a trace of awe. "You're Jake's Bella, right?" I furrowed my brow trying to place her voice, but came up with nothing. "It's me, Maya.. Jake's uh, well, you probably know who I am."

"Shit, Maya? I'm sorry, I didn't even think. It's um, nice to finally meet you. Apart from the circumstances, obviously," I offered. I heard a light chuckle coming from the dark corner I assumed she was in.

"Yeah, it's nice to meet you, too – although I kind of assumed it would be over dinner, with Jake in the middle of us, scratching the back of his head and stuttering."

I laughed softly at the mental image – it's exactly what would happen. "Yeah and steering any and all conversation way from his bad habits and pillow talk," I replied, and was rewarded with another giggle. She seemed to grow serious after that, and I assumed she was taking in her surroundings just as I had.

"Hey, Bella?" she said after a beat. I didn't answer but she continued anyway. "The thing that took us, was it a vampire? It's just I've never seen one of the bad ones before, but I heard they have red eyes. That's what it was, right?"

My heart sank at how young and vulnerable she sounded. I didn't know if telling her that this was the third vampiric attempt on my life would make her feel any better, so I decided against it. "Yeah, it was."

"Dammit. I thought after the imprint broke, I'd be out of all this."

"Sorry, to break it to you, but this word kind of has trouble letting go once you've been in it," I said dejectedly.

"I guess I was feeling a little too safe. When I was with Jake, he always had someone keeping an eye on the house when I was home alone. I shouldn't have told the guys I didn't need it anymore," she mused.

"It came to your house? On the reservation?" I asked, slightly shocked. It had never happened, to my knowledge, that a vampire had crossed treaty lines undetected.

"Yeah, maybe the rain covered up the trail? I don't know. Last thing I remember was turning the key to unlock the front door, and next thing I was waking up here."

"Do you recognise this place at all?" I asked, still trying to pick out some indicator.

"Nope, it feels like a basement though, or a bunker. It's way too damp and cold to be above ground."

I nodded, even though she couldn't see me.

"You think the guys will know where to look?" she said, hopefully. I really didn't know what to tell her.

"I'm not sure, if there's no trail, they'll probably just have to split up an look the old fashioned way. I just wish I knew if we were still in Forks or not," I replied. As if on cue, there was a deep rumble of thunder, and the sound of rain could be heard distantly.

"I think that's your answer. Is there anywhere else in the country that gets rain like that?" she asked ruefully.

"Guess not," I half laughed. There was silence for a while, as we both just listened to the sound of the raindrops. It's amazing what comfort you can find from something so inconsequential as the weather, but I hoped Maya was right – we hadn't been taken too far, and would be found soon. Then, something else occurred to me. If we were still in Forks, maybe we could slip out and find help. If we even made it to the forest, it wouldn't be too hard to attract the attention of one of the pack. One thing was for sure, I'd spent too much of my life waiting to be rescued. I was a grown woman now, and I should't just sit around waiting for the men in my life to show up to save me. Maya and I were perfectly capable of figuring our own way out of this.

"Maya?"

"Yeah?"

"You think you can get your hands free? I've been trying mine but the ropes are too tight."

"Mine too. Shit, wait a minute-"

I heard more shuffling around and after a few moments, a dim flame could be seen from the corner where she was.

"The blow-torch at work is on the fritz, so we have to light it manually – I forgot I had a lighter," she explained, and I could catch a faint smell of burning as she freed herself from the binds. "Bingo!"

I sighed in relief – maybe we could get out of this after all. She deftly released her feet and came over towards me, untying me without too much effort. I rubbed my tender wrists soothingly.

"Thanks, Maya, now come on, let's try find a way out of here."

She took my hand and held up the lighter, moving it around to find the exit. Something about this place was starting to look familiar to me – there was a rolled up, expensive-looking rug by the wall that I was sure I'd seen before. I couldn't dwell on it much, though, as Maya had found steps leading up and away from our prison.

We crept up them carefully – they were wooden, and from the smell of decay in this place, I didn't think they could be fully trusted to hold our combined weight. Each creak of the step had my heart pounding faster, every time I gripped on the railing, it seemed to be crumbling away under my touch. Soon, we reached a door, and Maya immediately reached out to open it. I put my hand over hers, halting her – I could hear something on the other side.

"Shh, do you hear that?"

She cocked her head to the side, listening intently.

"A piano? Oh that is so creepy. All the best psychos in horror movies have a fetish for classical music, it's like a requirement!" she whispered, but there was something about that music that was clawing at me, reaching into the recesses of my memories and dragging something out.

"I know that song," I thought aloud.

"Um alright, Bella, I don't mean to insult your taste in composers, but can we please get the hell out of this place?" Maya pleaded, and before I could stop her again, she had opened the door and light flooded our vision. I stumbled on the step, reaching blindly towards the door frame for purchase. Maya's hand shot out in assistance, and we both breathed a sigh of relief when I found my balance again.

"You should have warned me that you've got the centre of gravity of a baby goat," she hissed, and I could help but smirk in reply.

"Sorry, it's a gift," I shrugged.

We made our way gingerly onwards, and my eyes adjusted to the light. A stab of dread went through me – the walls weren't as bright, it smelled of desertion and misuse, but I would know this house anywhere. My ertswhile family had lived here, back when I was blind and stupid and desperate to be one of them – the Cullens.

"Maya, I know where we are," I hissed towards her, but she was already rounding the corner. Whatever she saw, froze her in her tracks. My heart hammered in my chest as I walked towards her. When I rounded the corner, the source of the piano music became clear. Sat on Edward's stool was a young woman, immersed in the task of playing a song I'd listened to countless times as I sat on that very stool by his side – Clair de Lune

The song came to an end and the young woman slammed her fists on the keys. A dull, dreadful note resonated throughout the spacious family room, and a crack fissured up the centre of the piano, cutting through the echoes of the broken instrument and my own hammering heartbeat. She turned slowly. Curled, auburn hair cascaded over her shoulders and she smirked – her flawless, pale skin in stark contrast to her red eyes and berry-stained lips. She cocked her head to the side and stood, folding her arms and regarded us. Her eyes travelled up the length of my body, and the sheer venom in them caused me to shiver involuntarily. She didn't look any older than eighteen, but the confidence with which she walked told me that she was much older than that.

"Looks like I didn't pay enough attention in girl-scouts. My rope-tying is off," she pouted, and her voice sounded like silver chimes in a summer breeze.

"Who the hell are you? Why did you bring us here?" Maya demanded, and I tensed up at the anger in her voice – she obviously didn't grasp the danger we were in. This woman could snap both our necks before we could take another breath.

"Feisty, aren't you?" she said, raising a brow. "I can see why you were Black's mystical mate." she wiggled her fingers in the air at that, impersonating a witch casting a spell. "That temper of his _should _be under a tight leash."

"What do you want with us?" I said, finally finding my voice.

"Ah! She speaks!" she mocked, almost clapping in delight. "I was beginning to think I'd scared the voice right out of you. Mind you, I'm not the first vampire you've seen, eh, Bella? Has the old place changed much since your days of young romance?"

I frowned at her, trying to figure out what her game was. What did she want with two relatively defenceless humans? She knew about both of our past relationships - I tried to think how this was all connected. The last time Jacob and Edward had allied was against Victoria – at the Newborn Battle. Had this vampire been involved somehow?

"Don't think too hard, sweetie, you'll give yourself wrinkles," she said, throwing the protective sheet off the couch and throwing herself down dramatically. She was dressed in a sheer, black lace dress, and I could make out an expensive-looking silk negligee underneath. On her feet were designer black heels. She crossed her legs daintily and smiled at us.

"Although, that's just what I've heard, I don't have to worry much about wrinkles anymore," she winked. Maya took another step towards her in anger.

"Look, whatever this little game is about, you're shit out of luck. Did you know that you're up against the biggest pack ever to assemble, and they're just dying to sink their teeth into a stinky tramp like you?" she seethed, and I tried to lay a calming hand on her shoulder.

"Oh, darling, of course I do. You think I came here without doing my homework? I know _exactly _what I'm up against, and how to fight it."

"I'm not involved with the Cullens any more – they don't even live here, and Maya's not an imprint, so if this is some little vengeance scheme to start a war, you're not getting one," I spat, and she just threw her head back in laughter.

"Well damn, you girls have quite the imagination. I'm not all that ambitious. Wars are messy, and come on, does this look like battle-wear to you?" she said gesturing to her clothes.

"Well if not to start a war, then what?" I asked losing my patience. She just smiled at me and held up a contemplative finger to her mouth.

"How does the old saying go?" she pretended to ponder. "Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned."

"What? Are you trying to tell us this is some sort of vengeance thing? We don't even know you." Maya said in disbelief. The woman shrugged.

"When you don't sleep any more, and you can't really go sunbathing, revenge does tend to take up a lot of your time," she said, as if talking about vacuuming her apartment. "And just because you don't know me, doesn't mean I don't know exactly who you are." Her eyes blazed bright with anger, and I found myself taking a step backwards, as if it would make a difference.

"Who are we to you?" Maya said, gesturing between us. "We're human, weak, we don't have special skills and you could kill us faster than you could blink? What's in this for you?"

"Now that I'm a vampire, and strong enough to do this: satisfaction," she said simply.

"Satisfaction?" I asked. I couldn't help myself.

"The satisfaction of knowing that Jacob Black knows what it's like to be alone – just as he left me."

My blood ran cold. Had Jacob been with this girl as a human? Had he hurt her somehow, abandoning her and and now she was exacting revenge on us?

"Look... Miss..." I began. She smirked coldly at me again.

"Sinclair. Aurora Sinclair. You should probably remember that, Isabella Swan."

"Aurora, look – however Jacob hurt you – he was going through a tough time. He didn't know what he was doing. He'd been through a lot, and he probably wasn't thinking. I'm sorry he left you, but do you really think killing us is the answer?"

She grabbed her sides and laughed, loudly and deeply. It went on for a good minute, and when she was done, she wiped an imaginary tear from her eye.

"Oh God. I think I needed that. You're funny. Bella. I might change you instead of killing you. I could use a laugh like that more often," she said through her mirth. I was at the end of my tether – she was just toying with us and there was no sign of Jacob and the Pack, and we still had no idea what her game was.

"Well then what the fuck is your problem?" I seethed, and before I could blink, she had me pinned against the wall by my neck. Maya immediately got to work trying to pry her marble-strong arm off me, but she was flung backwards as if she weighed nothing. Her eyes rolled back in her head and I knew she'd been knocked out cold. A burning began in my veins, as if the blood was flowing the wrong way, and I didn't know what was happening as my fingers started feeling numb. She pressed her ice-cold forehead to mine, her crimson stare boring into me.

"Feel that, Bella? That's your blood trying to seep out through your pores. Neat, isn't it? I only found out about all these special powers after I was turned. Blood control, pretty handy when you're a vampire," she said through her gleaming teeth. "See, we both knew someone else who had powers, didn't we Bella. Someone who could read minds. But he couldn't read yours, could he?"

My mind was racing, how did she know him? Was he behind all of this? Is that why we were at this house?

"See, you were kind of on the right track before, Bella, I guess we _do _have the same taste in men, don't we? You just picked the wrong one. As usual. You break everything you touch – letting everything close you you _die_ all because you're indecisive and weak. And now, I'll make you and your little puppy pay."

"Pay?" I choked, struggling now with spots in my vision as the pain and her grip cut off my air supply.

"You're going to pay for what you've done – what that mutt did to me, to Edward. You're going to pay for Edward's death."

_And if the chance should happen_  
_That I never see you again_  
_Just remember that I'll always love you_

* * *

**A/N: There's a photo of Aurora up on my author page now. :)**

**Thoughts?**


	16. Bump In The Night

_Disclaimer:_ _All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise._ _No copyright infringement is intended._

**A/N: Once again, we pick up where we left off with Jake. Bella's POV will be continued straight on from where we left last chapter.**

**Suggested Listening: Your Neck by Alkaline Trio**

* * *

**Chapter Sixteen: Bump In The Night**

**JPOV**

An overwhelming feeling of despair came over Embry as he re-lived getting to Maya's house and catching the scent of vampire. I was confused – as far as I'd been aware, they were just friends - but what he was going through, well I knew exactly what it was like. It was the same emotions I'd experienced when I got to Bella's house. Did Embry have feelings for Maya?

I pushed those thoughts to the back of my mind and pressed onwards through the forest – trying to get through the inner-workings of my brother's feelings wasn't going to help me find Bella faster. It was getting darker by the it was good that we had two source-points to work from.

_Shit, Em, did you catch any trail at all?_

_Fucking nothing, it's like it disappeared as soon as I got off her front step. They planned this – using the rain to get the jump on us. This was a strike against The Pack, it has to be._

We ran thoughtlessly for a while, everyone just trying their hardest to come up with any clues. Then, Seth chimed in from his post in the woods by Bella's house.

_Or just a strike against Jake..._

_What makes you say that, Seth?_

_Well come on, what's the one thing those two girls have in common?_

_Our very own Alpha-dog!_

_Ding Ding Ding! You are correct, sir!_

I was getting frustrated at Quil and Seth's blasé attitude. Two of the most important women in my life had been kidnapped by a leech – I just had to thank whatever god responsible that they hadn't gotten to Rachel. Paul cut into my thoughts then.

_Come on, dude. They know better than to fuck with _my _imprint. I'd grind them into paste._

He couldn't hide the hitch of fear he felt, though, even though he'd seen Rachel just over an hour ago.

_Wait, Paul, you said you'd been running the perimeter for the past four hours. How did you see Rachel an hour ago?_

_Aw fuck, man, it was only twenty minutes..._

A shudder of anger went through me – twenty minutes with no-one patrolling was more than enough time for someone to get on the Reservation to snatch Maya. Embry changed destination without a second thought, desperate to get to Paul and tear him to shreds.

_I'll kill him! I'll rip his dick off and feed it to him! In human form!_

_What the fuck. Paul? You just skip out on patrolling to go bone my sister? What the fuck is wrong with you?_

_We've started trying for a baby, she's ovulating..._

I squeezed my eyes shut, willing all thoughts of my sister's reproductive cycle out of my head.

_Dude, after we find the girls, you're paying for this. Under no circumstances do we leave the Reservation unprotected, Fucking hell man, you've known this since you were a pup! Embry, calm the fuck down!_

Embry clearly was in no mood to wait. He was gaining on Paul – fast. All his thoughts were of tearing into his flesh to punish him for allowing Maya to be taken. I'd never seen him so angry, and once again, I wondered exactly how strong his feelings were for Maya

Seemingly, Quil came to the same conclusion.

_Dude, do you have a thing for Jake's girl?_

Embry skidded to a halt. An image of Maya in a darkened room flashed into his mind – she was sitting on a bar-stool and smiling. Almost instantly, that was replaced by an image of Bella, sitting in the exact same place, wearing a light sun-dress and cradling what appeared to be a shot of whiskey. _Bella drinking whiskey? No way that was real._ Guilt coursed through him at that, and I was even more confused than ever.

_What was that?_

He seemed to jerk back to reality at the sound of my inner voice. Why was Embry having thoughts of both Bella _and _Maya, in some dive bar, too? I felt a wave of panic come from him at my thoughts, and then he just stopped making sense.

_~This one is for the boys with the booming system, top down, AC with the cooling system! When he come up in the club, he be blazin' up, got stacks on deck like he savin' up!~_

_Embry! What the fuck is that? Quit jerking around!_

_It sounds like the first verse of Super Bass by Nicki Minaj. Although it's kind of disturbing how well he knows it._

_Well fuck, thanks, Quil. I mean what the fuck is he reciting rap lyrics for in the first place? What are you hiding, Em?_

_~And he ill, he real, he might got a deal, he pop bottles and he got the right kind of bill. He cold, he dope, he might sell coke, he always in the air, but he never fly coach!~_

This was impossible – I started to wonder if they'd pulled this crap when I was Dickhead-Alpha, when Jared cut into our thoughts.

_I THINK I FOUND SOMETHING!_

Collin and Brady were closest, and they each changed direction to get to him. The darkness was creeping up on us quickly now, and they followed their noses to pinpoint his location. Soon, three perspectives of the same image came into the collective mind. It was a dead body – a male hiker - and his skin was shrivelled as if all moisture had been sucked out of him. His eyes, frozen in the terror of his last moments, reflected the clouded moonlight with an eerie glow as the relentless rain soaked his body. There was still no mistaking the stench of leech all over.

_Fuck, he's been drained dry._

_Yeah, a little too much – this cant have been one leech. It looks like two bitemarks on his neck alone._

_BOY YOU GOT MY HEARTBEAT RUNNIN' AWAY! BEATING LIKE A DRUM, AND IT'S COMING YOUR WAY! CAN'T YOU HEAR THAT BOOM BADOOM BOOM BOOM BADOOM BOOM BASS?  
_

**_Embry!_**

_That wasn't me this time!_

_Sorry, he got it stuck in my head!_

_Damnit Quil, just take this seriously, please?_

As if on cue, a weight from above crushed Jared to the ground. Through Collin and Brady's vision, a young, male leech had him pinned. They immediately went to work, aiming for his arms before he could get a grip around Jared's rib cage. Two more bloodsuckers dropped out of the trees soundlessly. Collin backed up, rounding on them and snarling, his eyes darting between them, anticipating the first attack. Quil and Paul sprung into action, darting in their direction to offer help. I was torn – my brothers needed me, but everything about this screamed diversion. Seth was champing at the bit to offer assistance, but my Alpha order was keeping him inside an invisible radius around the Swan house. I knew the part of the forest the ambush was in – it was right by the Cullens. It was too much of a coincidence to let go. Embry shared my thought.

_Come on man, they can cover that, let's check out the Cullen's place – I think those three are just trying to stall us all from getting here._

_You're right, but we have to be smart about this – whoever's behind the kidnappings has planned this out, they could be lying in wait for all we know._

_Fine, but if Maya's in trouble, I'm not waiting._

_Em, do you have feelings for her?_

_~He a motherfucking trip, trip, sailor of the ship, ship. When he make it drip, drip kiss him on the lip, lip. That's the kind of dude I was lookin' for, and yes you'll get slapped if you're lookin', hoe!~_

_Dude, come on – the imprint's broken, I have no feelings for her like that anymore. It's okay if you do. _

Embry mentally sighed, and the image of Maya from the bar flooded his mind's eye. I could hear through his memory, how he'd asked her out, and she'd agreed as long as she got the job she was applying for.

_You wanted her first?_

_Yeah – the first night she came into town. Before you imprinted._

_Wow, I'm sorry man, I had no idea, did I?_

I realised I very well could have, but the way I'd been acting back then, it probably was of little consequence to me.

_No, you didn't know. Obviously I backed off once I knew what had happened. I guess now that you're not together anymore, those feelings came to the surface again._

_It's okay, dude, I know you wouldn't have tried to jeopardise my imprint. You're a great friend. When we get her out of this, you have my full blessing. I'm sure she's into you, too._

Another wave of guilt passed through him, but I couldn't take the time to concentrate on that, because we were nearing the Cullen house – the glow of light through the huge front window was a beacon guiding us to Bella and Maya. On my command, we both dropped to our stomachs and crept on our paws in the mud towards the glass-fronted monstrosity. The rain was still pelting us from above, and I just hoped we could turn the leeches' secret weapon against them. If we couldn't smell them, they couldn't smell us either. Thunder had been rumbling intermittently, and my fur was on end with the static in the air. This storm could be just the cover we needed to get inside that house.

Two heart-beats could be heard inside the building, along with two voices, but Maya's wasn't one of them. Nearing the window, the blood froze in my veins as I saw a female vampire, dressed in heels and some sort of black lace-thing with Bella pinned against the wall by her neck. I could smell her blood from all the way outside. There was something about that leech that was nagging at me – I feared that Seth had been right. Was this one of the vampires I'd gone hunting after, all those times I went off alone? It took every ounce of control I had not to barge in, but with the bloodsucker's hand around Bella's delicate neck, all it would take was a firm squeeze and her life would be over. There was no fucking way I was losing her again when she'd just found her way back to me.

Embry agreed, but it was _me_ keeping a reign on _him_ once he caught sight of Maya, unconscious on the floor. We could hear her heart beating, and the minute rise and fall of her chest told us she was still breathing, but the sight of her unconscious was enough to have us both itching to smash through the glass and get her out of there.

Just then, Bella tried to speak again. My stomach twisted horribly at the sound of her sweet voice being choked – she was running out of air, and fast.

* * *

**BPOV**

"Wha-" I spluttered, trying to stay conscious through the burning in my arteries. She just ignored me, continuing with her story. She was here to avenge Edward? Why? What did this have to do with us? Edward was _dead? _I waited for the grief to hit me, but it didn't. It had been too long since Edward Cullen was anything but a villain to me.

"I thought only Edward was cursed with these special gifts. That's what his ability was in the end, you know. A curse. See, whatever little screw was loose in your brain, which stopped him from hearing you," she said, leaning back to study my hair line, as if she could see inside my skull, "_that_ was his undoing. He didn't know that he'd already lost." A pained crease appeared between her perfectly arched brows in empathy for him. It was clear she had deep feelings for Edward. Was that what this was all about? Avenging her mate?

"No, he couldn't see how much you fell in love with that mongrel of yours – couldn't see the heartbreak coming until it was too late. And then he tried everything, anything he could think of to keep you. But no – you just _had_ to leave. You had to abandon him when he was inconsolable!" she said, bringing her knee up sharply and snapping my left femur. I screamed in agony, praying that I'd black out for sweet relief. A rumble of thunder rattled the windows then, and I think the hopeful part of me heard a growl underneath it – that Jake had found us, but I couldn't risk Aurora seeing hope in my eyes. Any chance of a surprise attack from the Pack would be gone.

"You tossed him aside as if he was the dirt off your shoe," she spat, before her voice became soft again. "Still, his loss was my gain."

I tried breathing deeply, pushing through the pain. I could handle this – I'd felt worse.

"Now Edward – he could never be a bad guy. That's how we met, you see. I was on the run from the coven who killed my family. Edward ripped all but one of them to pieces right before those bastards ended me. He took me back to his home, nursed me back to health, and told me what he was. I couldn't believe how lucky I was to have found him – a good vampire, a saviour. But he had a past," she said, her eyes darkening. Her nails dug into the skin under my jaw and I clenched my teeth, wincing from the pain.

"He told me all about you, Bella. All about his regrets, how he wished he hadn't hurt you so, and that was why he couldn't be with another human." Her eyes turned sad, and if she hadn't been inflicting such torture on my body, I would have almost felt bad for her – but this was one sadistic bitch.

"I made him see though, that all he had done was love you too much." her brow furrowed and she searched my face, shaking her head. "How could you give someone like him up, Bella? Are you fucking damaged?" she spat, digging the forefinger of her free hand into her temple.

She released her grip on me and I crumpled to the floor, crying out as my leg bent awkwardly and the sensation stole the breath from my lungs. The burning in my veins was gone though, and blood seeped down my forehead like sweat. She was pacing the room now, actually stepping over Maya's limp form with a dreamy expression on her face.

"He said my love healed him – he knew then that you weren't his true mate. If you were, you'd be together._ I_ became his reason for existing, and he was mine – just the two of us; outcasts, alone, but together." She brought her hands up to her cold, dead heart, before dropping them again. A shadow passed over her features.

"But he couldn't let go of the guilt. When that _dog_ came for him, snarling and snapping at his neck in the middle of the night like a hound from hell, he didn't even put up a fight against him – he thought he _deserved _to die for what he did to you. But what about me, Bella?" She cocked her head to the side, as if genuinely interested for my answer.

"Did _I _deserve to die for what happened to you?"

I just sat dumbly, floored by her story. Edward had been her protector, once, until Jake killed him and left her to die? I couldn't reconcile those actions with the man I knew. How could he leave a human girl to the mercy of vampires?

"The last member of that coven had been watching us. Waiting his turn to get me as soon as your dog left – and then I was alone. No Edward, no precious wolf-pack like _you_ bitches." She kicked at Maya's stomach, and a sickening crack could be heard along with a cry of pain as her rib was shattered.

"Just me, alone, and dying with no-one to miss me. It was just dumb luck that he didn't drain me dry – he got interrupted, and I was left to bleed out on the bed I'd shared with Edward while my body turned to stone. So tell me, Bella how was that fair? I'm stuck like this, all because of your hairy little boyfriend, and I don't even have my mate to share eternity with. Don't I deserve a little retribution for that?"

I didn't get a chance to answer. By the time I got my breathing working again, I was interrupted by a loud crash from upstairs. Moments later, something round and black came flying down through the air and shattered at Aurora's feet, followed by another, and then another. They were Edward's records, I realised. A guitar was next. Then a photo album, then a frame – in it was a picture of Edward and I, taken at my prom. Footsteps on the upper floor came closer to the top of the staircase, and more of Edward's possessions rained down; books and CDs, souvenirs and keepsakes clattered on to the hard ground in a morbid rain of a dead person's belongings.

Aurora stood over them, a look of horror and confusion marring her perfect face as she registered what they all were. She crouched over a photo of Edward and touched it delicately, letting out a choked sob that looked foreign with the absence of tears.

My breath hitched as Jake appeared on the top step. He was in human form, wearing a pair of too-small sweatpants slung low on his hips; his torso gleaming from the rain. A wave of relief relaxed my body instantly, knowing he was here. He folded his arms, and a dark smile came over his features.

My blood chilled in my veins.

I'd never seen that look on his face before. I knew in that moment that I'd been spared from this side of him; this was the person he was when we were apart – cold, emotionless and interested only in inflicting pain. I didn't recognise those eyes anymore – the light was gone, and there was something dark and bitter in its place. He appraised Aurora's form where she stood at the bottom of the stairs and he raised one challenging brow.

"Hey honey, I'm home. Miss me?" he said.

* * *

**A/N: Uh-oh. Don't hate me for ending it there!**

**So Jake killed Edward, Aurora's a vampire because she was left unprotected, and Bella and Maya are the bait she needed to get her revenge. **

**Jake seems okay with Embry and Maya, then again, he did promise her his blessing as long as she went for a good guy. Who's better than Embry Call****?**

**It looks like he's all dark and twisty, though - no-one threatens his Bella, after all.**

** What do you think? **


	17. Back To Black

_Disclaimer:_ _All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise._ _No copyright infringement is intended._

* * *

**Chapter Seventeen: Back To Black**

**JPOV**

_Jake, we can't just sit here, come on... move!_

I knew how Embry was feeling, but I was too mesmerized by the leech's story to turn my thoughts towards him. So she knew Edward, and had been his human mate. Well, no-one could say Cullen didn't have a type. Young defenceless girls in need of rescue seemed a little To-Catch-A-Predator-ish to me, but it didn't exactly shock me. I managed to gather though, one vital piece of information.

He was dead.

There was not an ounce of grief for the bloodsucker in my body – he'd ruined my life too many times for me to mourn his loss, even if we had once been allies.

I couldn't believe this bitch was actually trying to make Bells feel _bad_ for leaving Edward. Didn't she know what he'd done? A part of me realised that she was so sadistic, our baby's death was probably of little importance to her. She just kept going on about the curse of Edward's special abilities and how Bella's falling in love with me had led to his demise – well, sorry, but everything that had happened to her since meeting him had been one long shit-storm after another. She was lucky to get away from it all alive, albeit with such damage and having to go off alone.

The final straw was when she brought her knee up and snapped Bella's leg. No fucking way was I letting this go any further – I could almost feel the pain in my own back paw from it.

_Now can we do something? Or are you going to wait until she breaks the other one? Maybe an arm?_

I knew Embry was just goading me into action, and fuck me if it wasn't working.

_Alright! Let me think for a minute..._

I assessed the building, and knew there had to be a way to get to the upstairs rooms and get into the house. I wanted the element of surprise to be on our side, and maybe give Embry a chance to check the house for any other hidden leeches, but after that was where I was struggling. In the Pack mind, I could see that the guys had taken care of two of the decoy bloodsuckers, and were chasing the third East, away from the house.

_Quil, stay on that last fucker, I don't want her to have any fall-backs._

_Got it, Jake. Who's the jailbait anyway?_

He could see everything in his peripheral vision through Embry and I, but had been a little preoccupied.

_Edward Cullen's former mate. He's dead. I think she's here to make Bella pay for it._

_Fuck me, I thought that bastard would outlive us all!_

I waited for the sorrow of Seth to reach me – I knew he and Edward had formed this weird bond, but there was nothing coming from him.

_No way man, after what he did to Bella? I hope whoever got him did it slowly._

I felt a rush of pride for my would-be baby brother.

_Couldn't agree more, Seth. Now, We're going to check out this place for more leeches, but if the coast is clear, well...I'll figure out what to do._

I was lost. I'd never led an attack alone, and I wished again that Sam was here to take over. He'd know how to handle this better, and the fear of getting one of my brothers, or one of those amazing women inside the house killed was crippling me.

I moved to round the corner to access the back of the property. Maybe once I got there, the answer would come to me. My paws froze, though, when I heard the latest part of the vamp bitch's story.

"When that _dog _came for him, snarling and snapping at his neck in the middle of the night like a hound from hell, he didn't even put up a fight against him – he thought he _deserved _to die for what he did to you. But what about me, Bella? Did _I_deserve to die for what happened to you? "

_What the fuck? "Dog"? Could she... did I? _

I didn't even get to finish the thought, or register the Pack's confusion before it hit me like a tsunami of recollection.

* * *

_**Four Years Ago**_

_I crouched on the rooftop, naked except for the tattered remains of my jeans, barely held up by my hip bones. It was kind of amazing how much muscle mass I'd lost over the past few weeks, surviving only on what I could kill in the forest, and eating only every few days. I guess when you're built and trained to kill vampires, a lone deer isn't much of a match for you. It's not like I'd have to break a sweat to outrun one._

_I knew what I looked like, sitting here on my haunches in the darkness. I'd grown up reading too many graphic novels and playing too many video games for the ridiculousness to be lost on me. Here I was, in the middle of a city scape, looking like a feral outcast and waiting for a chance to strike; only the moonlight and the occasional glow of a street lamp was my visual guide. Was I the hero, or the villain? I wasn't sure anymore. Back when I'd first phased, we'd all held such pride in what we were chosen to do. Sure, we fought it sometimes, but when you can honestly say your family is safe, that a whole town has been spared because of your protection, it does help you sleep better at night._

_I couldn't remember the last time I'd slept more than three hours. _

_Two years of my life had been consumed by this. I'd isolated myself from my pack, my friends, even my own father. They'd stop me if they knew why – I needed to do this alone. I couldn't be responsible for anyone else getting hurt. I couldn't have another failure like that on my conscience, added to the ever-growing pile of regrets that I was paying my penance for._

_It started out as random – I'd slip out undetected, track down some leeches and take out my anger on them. How was it a negative thing if there were less bloodsuckers out there in the world? But I'd underestimated them. I knew they were governed, that they had "laws", but I didn't realise how organised they could be. Covens stuck together. Shared information. Friendly warnings from leech to leech. Word of me travelled. There had been whispers about the red wolf who laid in wait, and knew more about vampires than any of his kind before him. It hindered me, at first, I'll admit. Once they caught my scent, they'd bolt or attack – it didn't really matter. I always won out in the end. But then I realised something – if vampires talked, it was likely they had collective knowledge. Maybe they knew where to find others. Maybe they could find **him.**_

_I trained the pack to carry out capture and containment – they resented it, telling me it was an unnecessary measure, we were meant to rip them apart, not question them, but I needed to experiment. I needed to capture some of them using adequate back-up to test out some new methods. What's the good of questioning a vampire if they don't talk? I needed to learn how to make them sing – what's bribery when you don't need money? No. Torture was my new trade._

_Human methods wouldn't be enough; I knew that already. What's the point in water boarding when they didn't need to breathe? Nowhere to cut them, since they didn't bleed, and the only thing strong enough to make a mark anyway was my claws or teeth. They didn't sleep, so couldn't deprive them of that. Chinese Waterboarding was out, since many of them had been driven slowly insane already over the centuries they'd polluted the earth with their presence._

_No, one thing I'd learned got to them was good old-fashioned dismemberment. Their limbs can be re-attached, sure, but it hurts like fuck to have your foot torn off, no matter who you are. Fingernails came out pretty easily. Fire still burned them to dust._

_I got smart, did my research. I found forgotten texts on "Cold Ones" that had yet to be translated. I paid under the table for that. I needed to know more. Without thinking I'd strike it lucky, I found a legend in which a leech was fooled by an unprotected village in Wyoming. Newborns had been on the rampage, and the corpses had been piled high as the chief's home as the population was decimated. Young and inexperienced, their insatiable hunger led them to feeding indiscriminately. One of the warriors, upon returning to his village following a hunt, took in the scale of destruction. He was devastated, consumed with desire for revenge, but knew that he was no match for the Cold Ones. He happened upon his father's body, still warm from the fatal attack on his life, and got an idea. The leeches had only fed on the living, which indicated that dead blood was incompatible with them. He took the body of his beloved father, heating it with stones, and placed some of his own blood around his wounds for scent. The Newborns, not even registering that he was absent a heartbeat, descended upon his father, feeding on the decaying blood in his veins. The bacteria of decomposition probably had something to do with it – no-one really knew, but it worked. It sent them into a frenzy, making them so ill they desired death for reprieve. That was my answer – maybe dead blood wouldn't kill a leech, but if it made them **want **to die, that was good enough for me._

_I was armed with knowledge, relentlessly tracking down small covens, picking off the weakest member. It was amazing how their loyalties disappeared when they faced their own true mortality. They sang like angels after I'd forced dead rat's blood down their throats. When you spend centuries impervious to illness, the slightest nausea is enough to have you wishing for the end. Anything to make it stop._

_It took twenty-three months, working intermittently as I was still Alpha of the Pack, but I finally got a lead on Edward Cullen. He had turned nomadic, still respecting his old lifestyle, but on exile from his family. That made no difference to me. He was already responsible for the worst death imaginable – that of my son. Just because he was still munching on cats and elk didn't redeem him in my eyes._

_I'd learned to guard my thoughts since becoming Alpha. It had never been a trait Sam displayed, but with the right concentration, the pack heard only that which I was willing to share. Cullen would be the ultimate test. I knew already he sensed a presence, maybe even smelled me – I could see him checking the windows of the worn down apartment he was 'living' in, but he had yet to zero in on my location. He relied on his abilities where other leeches wouldn't – if he wasn't so used to hearing the minds of his attackers before seeing or smelling them, he'd have made a move by now. He was still content to wait it out until he picked up brainwaves, and he clearly hadn't heard mine. That was answer enough for me._

_My spine began to simmer when I picked up the heartbeat and scent of a human girl in there with him. I knew from her loving words that they were involved. I was incensed – after everything he'd done, he'd still been able to move on and replace Bella in his life with this relative child. I was still alone, paying for his sins because the girl I loved was too damaged by her time with him to allow me into her life again. How dare he. Fuck him for taking Bella away from me, and fuck him for hurting us beyond repair. Fuck him for still existing in a world where my child didn't._

_What concerned me less was the stench of another bloodsucker, trailing in a wide arc around their hideaway. There were several paths, some older than others, and each trail was cold – it seemed they were being stalked, but whoever it was was coming back sporadically, waiting for their chance to find a weakness in his vigilance. I doubted they knew about his telepathy; he'd hear their thoughts before they even picked up his scent. If they thought they were going to get the jump on him, they were shit out of luck. I wasn't going to give them that luxury – Cullen was mine, it would be me and me alone who lit the match that ended his existence._

_I got tired of watching. My wolf was clawing at my insides for the chance to end him, and who was I to deny an Alpha's wishes? I stepped back on the roof, taking a running jump and clearing the distance between my building and theirs. I caught hold of the window ledge above theirs, deftly swinging my feet through the pane, crashing the glass around me and landing on my feet in a single motion. The cuts on my bare soles were already healing by the time I whirled round to locate him. Cullen had moved into a protective stance in front of the girl, and I found myself laughing at the sight._

"_Please, if there's anyone she needs protection from, it's you."_

"_Jacob-" he said, speechless for probably the first time in his life._

"_Hey honey, I'm home!" I drawled acidly._

_I took an exaggerated bow, extending my arms outwards and smirking at the shocked expression carved into his sickly pale features. "Miss me?" I sang, cocking an eyebrow at him._

_I went immediately into an aggressive stance, knowing if I phased right off the bat, I'd have to let him into my thoughts to communicate. Doing that would reveal my actions to The Pack, and I wasn't ready for anyone to know._

"_I know why you're here," he said, with resignation. I found myself getting irritated that he wasn't putting up more of a fight._

"_Do you, now?" I said, "Please Edward, enlighten me. Enlighten our audience." I gestured towards the young girl huddled in the bed, staring at me with a look of pure horror in her large grey eyes. She had no idea who she should be scared of. _

"_Did you tell her your story? How you fell in love with a girl, just like her?"I spat. I had a pretty good guess that this chick thought she was special. Hell, he'd probably been feeding the same line to girls like her for the better part of the century. _

"_And that she wanted to die for you, because you promised her a life of eternal youth and immortality, if she'd just leave all that she knew behind, when she'd just turned eighteen?"_

_The girl's eyes were darting between both of us now, wondering where the hell this was leading, no doubt, and what the hell a human guy had in common with a vampire. Interestingly, none of my revelations were affecting her; it seemed he'd filled her in first. I took a step towards him, and surprisingly, he flinched back, as if my presence was imposing enough in human form._

"_Did you get to the part where you asked her to marry you, but she realised she loved someone else more?"_

_His eyes were downcast, as if the recounting of the story was physically hurting him somehow. Well good, it we weren't getting a fight, I might as well crush what is left of the dick before I kill him._

"_Jacob, you are well within your rights to-"_

"_Ah, ah, ah, Eddie," I said waving my finger back and forth. "I'm afraid you don't get to decide how this is happening. I've waited too long for this day, I should have torn you limb from limb the moment you stepped off that plane from Italy. But I knew of Bella's decision, and no matter what, wouldn't take charge of her life without her consent."_

"_Jacob, you have to understand, I was desperate. Had I known of her condition-"_

"_You would what? Have let her go? Wrapped her up in a big bow and left her on my doorstep? Admit it, killing our baby was the only outcome you could have hoped for because there was **no **way you'd watch her build a life with me!"_

_A sharp intake of breath was heard from the bed, just as I'd suspected. Edward had left out some crucial details about Bella when he'd told her the story._

"_Oh," I said, in mock embarrassment. "You didn't tell her that bit did you?"_

_He turned to her giving her a pleading look._

"_Aurora, I promise you, it's not as he says!"_

"_Oh I think it's exactly as I say," I interrupted. I jammed a finger into his marble chest. "As far as I'm concerned, you're a murderer. How does it feel to know that you killed a part of Bella? Hell, you pretty much killed all hope she had in her anyway, why not make it official?"_

"_The miscarriage was merely a side effect of - "_

"_It wasn't 'merely' anything! Our child is dead, because of you! No amount of semantics or skewed reasoning will get you out of this, Cullen, and I know you agree with me, because you're not even putting up a fight!" My chest was heaving in anger, and the girl flinched at the timbre of my voice. I was in no mood to hear him beg, or plead. I just wanted to hear the sound of his head being separated from his body. He looked at his feet before speaking._

"_Death would be no more than I deserve. I've lived a wretched existence, only bringing pain to those I've encountered. I won't fight you, Jacob. You deserve to end my life as I ended your child's."_

_I didn't need to be told twice. I reached for the collar of his shirt, dragging him towards the broken window where the wind howled in celebration of his impending demise._

"_Edward!" the girl shouted. "Please, I need you!" _

_He couldn't even look at her. "I'm sorry, my love. I only wish I could have been a better mate, a better protector for you, but my past crimes have caught up with me, and I must pay my dues."_

_I wasn't in the mood to let him have his goodbyes – I'd been robbed of mine. I hauled him out through the opening, on to the roof of a lower building. He left a crater where he landed, barely bracing himself for impact. I turned to the girl as she sobbed._

"_Sorry, honey, but believe me, you're dodging a bullet," I said apologetically, before leaping out after him and phasing on the fly._

_Part of me wanted to torture him, like I had so many before. I wanted to break every finger off his hands and rip his ears off the freakishly statuesque head. In the end, I knew he would welcome the pain - he was a masochist after all, purposely enduring depression in his own twisted way of atoning for what he was. I wouldn't allow him any more than what he deserved._

_It only took three snaps of my jaw to end Edward Cullen's sorry excuse for a life. I only wished I could have dragged it out longer. The satisfaction of seeing his dismembered head roll across the concrete didn't change anything. I stared at his remains in the pile where I'd placed them. He was so pathetic. His presence had been a dark shadow hanging over me for the last five years, and to look at him now, he was no more than a parasite, a mutilated insect which didn't deserve the grief his family would feel for him. His death didn't make my pain disappear, nor did it bring my son back to life, but I knew the world was a better place now that he was gone._

_I phased back, ripping out the cable from an air conditioning unit, and yanked the still-sparking wires out of the wall, far enough to reach him. I shoved the cable in his dead, lifeless mouth, and watched as the venom ignited and burned until he was little more than dust and violet, acrid smoke._

_I turned to leave, knowing that even though the whole night lacked the finality and closure I wanted, I had no need to hang around here any longer._

_ I was mistaken._

_A scream cut through the wind, coming from the window where I'd thrown Cullen from. The other leech had come back, and taken advantage of the girl's unprotected status to make his attack. Fuck Cullen for being such a martyr. He'd rather get his poetic death at my hand than continue to protect his supposed mate? I couldn't think of anything more selfish. _

_I phased wolf again, bounding in through the window, and dragged the leech off her – she'd already been bitten, and was writing round on the bed, choking on her own blood. He was so surprised to see a wolf that I used it against him. I ripped his arm off his shoulder and threw it out the window. He yelled and lunged for me, not realising I'd anticipated his movements and soon he was on the roof-top, scrambling frantically to escape the smouldering embers of Cullen's remains. He was child's play to me. Before he could even plan an escape, his body parts were blazing before me, their flame igniting the inky black sky like the sun he'd avoided since his transformation._

_I went back to check on the girl, but knew before I'd even cleared the window that it was too late. Her heartbeat was gone, and the stench of leech venom all over her told me her life had ended while I avenged her death. There was nothing I could do for the latest life Edward Cullen had ruined now, so I turned back to the open window, jumped to the nearest ledge, and took off into the night._

* * *

The Pack was silent as they took in my memory, a note of awe passing through them. I didn't know what to say - I still didn't feel any of the finality I'd yearned for all those years ago, but knowing that he'd been killed at my hand did bring some comfort. I couldn't dwell on it though, because Bella and Maya were still in there, with a homicidal vampire. I needed change tactics.

_She's here for me, Em. She's not going to be satisfied until she sees me. I'm going in first. Alone._

_Are you sure? You won't have back-up and we need to lead her away from the girls. What if something goes wrong?_

_It won't._

I could feel the overconfidence of the Jacob from my memory seeping into me. His darkness was infectious, and I needed that. I would use it to take this bitch down - the last connection to Edward Cullen would be vanquished from our lives, and I could go on forgetting about his sorry existence.

_But Jake-_

_Don't argue with me!_

I knew how I sounded, hell I now knew exactly what that side of me was like, but this was my battle. This was the war I'd brought to our doorstep through my actions. All the training, the military-minded persona was coming back to me. I could see countless strategies in my head, all ways of achieving the best possible outcome. My dark self had been an asshole, but he was the perfect war machine - the perfect Alpha.

I redoubled my efforts to get to the back of the house. Once we'd scouted it out, I was planning on sneaking in upstairs to create a diversion, and I'd take the bitch out myself while the rest came to Embry's back-up.

_Collin, leave the last leech to the others. I want you to take over Seth's post and relieve him. _

_On it chief._

_Seth, I need you here more right now._

_No problem. Jake._

___Quil, take that fucker out and the gather the guys. Hang back about half a mile and wait for my signal. Okay?_

___Got it._

_I'm going to have to phase out for a while, so we'll be down communication, but I got this. She's not going to get the jump on me._

I firmly believed it, too.

I phased human and scaled the wall, punching out the first window I reached as soon as I was able. Luck was already on my side - I knew from the stench that this had been Eddie-boy's room. A dark smile came over my face - I needed the leech angry, her emotions crippled so I could use it against her. Emotions weren't a problem for me now. I felt nothing but the desire to take her out.

I gathered what belongings I could and walked out of the room. I could still hear her, pacing the main room and wailing like some sort of fucking banshee. Good, she was already half-way there. I started hurling things down the stairs as I got closer to her - his records, photographs, whatever looked like it held the most sentimental value for his sorry ass. She was sobbing tearlessly on the ground when I reached the top of the steps. I smirked again. _Perfect._

Her red eyes shot to me as soon as she registered my presence. I folded my arms - I couldn't have planned this better. She remembered me alright, I could see it in her eyes.

"Hey, Honey," I said, knowing she'd get the reference. "I'm home. Miss me?"

* * *

**A/N: Don't hate me for not going further, but I thought this chapter had so much action already that some of you might have ended up getting a headache - I know I can feel one coming on!**

**So now you see the real story of Edward's death from Jake's side. Not quite the romantic tale woven by Aurora, eh?**

**let me know your thoughts! Reviews are writer fuel.**


	18. Despise Me

_Disclaimer:_ _All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise._ _No copyright infringement is intended._

**A/N: Suggested listening: Deep In My Heart by Marques Toliver (but **_**only **_**the Mahogany sessions version)**

* * *

**Chapter Eighteen: ****Despise Me**

**BPOV**

A darkness clouded Aurora's flawless features as she regarded Jacob. Her body straightened up and stiffened, facing the impending attack head on. Jacob, however, looked almost bored and mildly amused by her presence – it was scaring me. _He _was scaring me. This vampire had a very serious vendetta against him, and here he was, looking like he'd been called over to fix her car and she'd just forgotten to put gas in it. The expression was patronising, bored and could end up being a deadly mistake. His gazed flitted towards Maya, who was still drifting in and out of consciousness, but breathing as she bled on to the Cullen's flawless white floor. The fact that Aurora was unaffected by the blood told me she wasn't a Newborn – the story she'd told me had taken place at least three years ago; before Jacob had met Maya, back in the darkest days of his pain. Looking at him now, I wondered if those days were back upon us. He wasn't even looking at me, a fact that I was surprised still hurt, despite the momentous amount of pain I was in.

Was this really the Dark Jacob I'd heard about? Had he gone back to that person, the one who was imprinted on Maya, who ruled his pack with an iron fist? The fear that it was true chilled me, and I only hoped that there was something of the man I loved left inside him. More than that, I hoped that he still loved me.

* * *

**JPOV**

_I've got to keep my mind free,_

_Just to keep on walking,_

_Even if I'm all alone._

_I won't let nobody,_

_Ever try to stop me._

_I've got to keep track of my soul._

_Despise me if you wanna,_

_But I know that you never will._

_Baptise me if you wanna_

_But I'll never be the same again._

I had to stay focused. I pulled the callousness from deep inside me, unwilling to show mercy to someone who had hurt Bella and Maya in this self-indulgent exercise of revenge. Sure, I'd killed her mate, but what the hell had the girls ever done? I couldn't even look at Bells, I knew once I did I'd be overcome with the need to go to her, to pick her up in my arms and take her out of there, but what good would come of that? Embry was still backing me up on his own, Maya was still semi-conscious on the floor and there was no way I was leaving the two of them to face this alone. I was surprised that this version of myself felt for Maya more intensely. I could see how she'd helped me over the past two years, helping me recapture some of the humanity I'd buried in an effort to preserve myself and my Pack as more memories became clear. The imprint was still gone, but she felt more like a past love now than the stranger-come-friend I'd gotten to know since my injury. My possessive wolf growled low in his chest at the prospect of giving her up to Embry, but no; she wasn't mine any more, and I couldn't keep them apart because of a deep-seeded, primal reaction. I pushed the thoughts away, re-focusing on tearing the bitch in front of me apart, piece by piece. The vamp seemed to be getting her bearings back, and I couldn't let that happen.

"Jacob, glad you could finally join us. As you can see, we've had quite the girls' night," she sneered. I refused to react.

"So I see," I said, letting my gaze flicker to Maya for a split second. "Sorry to crash your little sleepover, but I got the feeling my presence was needed."

"No apologies necessary, in fact, you're the guest of honour."

"Why Aurora, I'm flattered," I said, taking a step down the stairs. "But there are much easier ways of getting my attention. How about we turn this into a private event, though? Let the girls go and you and I can have all the time together we require."

She smiled, almost in pity, at my effort in coercion.

"And have them miss the moment I wear your guts as a scarf? I don't think so, Fido."

"Dog names? _Wow,_ original."

"I guess I'm not the first vampire you've gone head to head with," she said, almost sheepishly. "In fact, I know I'm not."

"You'd be right, but Edward was hardly a worthy opponent. He practically threw himself under my claws. It was all kind of sad, really."

A flame of anger flashed in her eyes before she reined it in again. I was getting to her, though, and that was enough. I heard a sharp intake of breath from Bella's direction, whatever hope she'd had of Aurora's story being a lie was extinguished as I spoke. _Please don't hate me for that._

"And then there was the fact that he just abandoned you. I mean, that had to have hurt," I continued, taking another step towards her. "Just willingly left you to the mercy of that other vampire, picking his own stupid martyrdom over you. That's a real kick in the teeth, isn't it?"

"He loved me," she said weakly. I was almost disappointed that she was crumbling so easily. My wolf wanted a show-down.

"Oh, I'm sure he did. I'm sure that's why he let himself be killed because of the hurt he caused his _ex_-girlfriend."

"He was over her! He knew she wasn't meant for him. I'm his true intended mate!" she snarled, and the flame became a blaze in her eyes.

"Oh I'm not arguing with you, but you have to admit, he left you with a heartbeat, and now you're well..." I gestured towards her before letting my hand drop by my side, and wrinkling my nose in disgust. I knew I was really getting to her, as a low hiss rattled in her throat. I couldn't help the laugh that escaped me. She thought this was threatening?

I barely got to finish the thought before she appeared directly in front of me, her hand outstretched and in a vice grip around my neck. I felt no fear, until a blistering heat radiated from her stranglehold and coursed through my veins. It felt like the first time I phased, but worse. Growling in response, I lunged for her, but my muscles were weakening, and I barely moved her more than two steps down.

_What the fuck?_

She smirked in triumph, and I felt sweat gathering on my brow and filtering down. It was only when my vision turned red that I realised that it wasn't sweat at all – it was blood. She was literally pulling the blood from my veins through my skin.

"Oh no," she mocked. "You don't look so good. Maybe I should take you to the vet. Or, you know, take you out back and put you down myself."

My breathing was shallow as I lurched forward, feeling like my flesh was bubbling off my bones. I should have known better than to let an unfamiliar leech get a hold on me – I'd had no idea about her extra ability. Movement out of the corner of my eye pulled my vision towards Bella. She was dragging herself across the floor to get to me.

"Stay the fuck back, Bella!" I growled, unable to gain control over my voice through the pain. She flinched back and froze, a look of betrayal in her eyes. Aurora snickered, looking at her and raising a brow. I took the opportunity of her diverted attention to phase.

Nothing.

She was somehow able to stop my transformation from her control on my blood. Panic washed through me – If I couldn't phase, I couldn't command The Pack, and I couldn't attack her, and we were well and truly fucked.

"Yeah, sweetie, I'd stay back unless you want another dose," she sneered. I felt a wave of anger at the realisation that she'd been doing this to Bella as well. It was almost killing _me_, and I wasn't even fully human. Aurora's eyes met mine again, and there was a coldness in them now – she was back in control and she knew it. I _couldn't_ be beaten. I couldn't let her get the last laugh, or everyone in this room and just outside would die.

The dark part of me was taking over, and I was just waiting for the opportunity I needed.

"It's not Edward's fault I'm like this, _puppy._ It's yours; I was protected before you came. All we were waiting for was Edward's chance to kill our stalker and we could be together. But no!" Her grip tightened, and I could feel my skin break under her sharp talons.

A flash of grey fur could be seen over her shoulder. Embry was on the move, meaning The Pack was almost here, hanging back for a signal. They were supposed to wait until I led her away and alerted them, but I was still trying to find a way to do that, and it wasn't as if I could let them know. I only hoped they'd figure out why I wasn't phased in already and take their own lead. The dark part of me bristled at the thought of relinquishing control.

"You think I didn't try to protect you?" I coughed; feeling like my wind-pipe was collapsing. "I came back to get you, but you were already dead-"

Her grip loosened, and she narrowed her eyes, studying me closely for evidence of a lie. I took this as encouragement enough to continue. She should know better than to show weakness.

"I went back for you as soon as Cullen was cinders, but that other bloodsucker beat me to the punch. I grabbed him off you. Didn't you ever wonder why he was interrupted?" Realisation dawned in her eyes for a moment, before she shook her head, refusing to believe me. I guess it's hard to let go of your personal villains once you've decided who they are in your head. Here she was, staring right into the face of hers and hearing that he'd tried to save her life.

"Bullshit!" she spat. "It's _your _fault I'm like this. You're going to pay!"

"What about the leech who turned you. Didn't you try to hunt him down?" I snapped, knowing I had her.

"I – I couldn't find him, he was gone-" she said, staring into the distance in memory.

"Not gone. Dead," I said, looking her straight in the face. There was a shuffle of movement behind her, but she was too lost in her reverie to notice. "I killed it for what it did to you. His ashes were piled right on top of your loving boyfriend." Her gaze flickered back to mine, looking at me in question, but it only lasted for a split second before her eyes widened in horror. Flames licked at the back of her filmy dress, and she released hold on me to dart to the other side of the room; the movement extinguishing the fire instantaneously. I looked down to see Maya on the ground, holding a lighter in the air and giving me a shy smile. I grinned in return and moved back from her, phasing and being immediately bombarded with the pack's panicked thoughts.

_What the fuck happened? Why did it take you so long to phase?_

_She's got a power, Em. It felt like she was making my blood sizzle, it blocked me._

_Alright guys, you heard Jake. Do__** not**__ let her touch you!_

_Got it, Quil._

_Want us to move yet? We're a half mile out but I can split us – holy shit!_

His thoughts were interrupted when the leech lunged for Maya, being blocked only at the last second by Embry's wolf crashing through the window. The night air howled around us as they tussled, and I went to an aggressive stance in front of the girls, knowing it would be the first place she went for if she got the better of Embry. I searched for an opportunity to get a hold on her, hoping to pull her off, but they were a blur – Embry had only been phased again for a matter of hours, his speed and strength were just slowly returning and I had a sinking dread that he was dangerously out-matched.

Unfortunately, I was right. A sickening crack was heard as his head hit the stone wall and he fell in a boneless heap on to the ground. His thoughts were immediately silenced.

Maya screamed and scrambled around me towards him, and was only held back by Bella as she got past me.

"Maya, stop! You can't!"

"Embry! Oh my god! Oh my **god! **Is he dead?" she yelled, still struggling to break free. "Jake! Can you hear him? **Jake! **Please... tell me... I can't."

Her screams descended into sobs as her emotions choked the air from her chest. Her eyes pleaded with me, as she tugged at my fur, reinforcing her words. She needed me to tell her he was okay, that she hadn't lost the one thing she'd always wanted but could never have, all because of me. I avoided her gaze, afraid of what my eyes would tell her. I was afraid because I didn't know the answer.

She shook her head vigorously and leaned into Bella's chest.

"No, no...he's not... and I've- _**no**_!"

Bella cradled Maya's head in her hands and looked back at me. _Fuck this_. No more planning of strategy – this bitch was dust. No way was she taking my best friend away from me. No way was she taking Maya's chance for love away before they'd even started. I turned away from the two women in time to see Aurora struggle to her feet, pushing her right shoulder with her left hand roughly – my stomach lurched as I realised she was reattaching her arm.

_Fuck yeah! Em took her fucking arm off!_

The celebration was evident in Quil's emotions, but I refused to see it as a victory while he was lying lifelessly on the floor of a vampire's house.

_Seth, are you almost here?_

_I'm about thirty seconds away from the rear of the house, what's the mission?_

_Get in the back, priority is Maya and Bells._

_Roger that._

_Quil, lead a counter attack from the same direction as Embry came from, but Jared, I need you to hang back and get to him once we have her surrounded._

They all responded in the affirmative. I lunged for the leech, tackling her back towards the open window, using just enough contact to strike her, but not lingering long enough for her to get a hold on me. She was already across the room, far enough away from the girls for Seth to make his move. He took his cue and crashed in the back door, from what I assumed was the kitchen. Bella's head whipped around in fear – she thought the back-up was for Aurora. Maya was still sobbing into her chest, afraid to look at Embry anymore, because he still hadn't moved.

Aurora shot back to her feet, turning towards me and catching sight of Seth as he entered the room. She made to go for him, but I blocked her bodily, both of our forms crashing through the remains of the window as Quil, Paul and Brady arrived. The four of us descended upon her then, snarling and snapping as she backed away only to bump into one of us or another.

I was sick of toying with her, this had been dragged out long enough, and she wasn't going to get the chance to hurt one more person. Quil took off a leg first, hurling it through the air like some morbid baton as her anguished cry rang in our ears and she fell to the ground. It was all we needed to end this. I rounded her body, taking her head between my jaws and pulling it off as Quil took the remaining leg, and Paul and Brady each of her arms. Venom drenched my muzzle from the severed body part, matting my fur together as I ran with it back into the house. I was killing two birds with one stone tonight, and the sooner this house was dust, the better. The guys took my lead, following me inside as Jared's human form dragged Embry's limp wolf out into the night.

There was still nothing coming from his mind, and the dread I felt crept back into my heart, squeezing it and chilling it through.

We put the body parts in a pile, trying not to gag at the familiar, always sickening sight of her still-blinking eyes and twitching limbs. Phasing human, I picked Maya's lighter up from the ground and set Aurora Sinclair alight in one swift motion. The heat and light would have put one of our famous bonfires to shame, but the choking stench contained within the building was enough to have the guys backing away as soon as it reached them. I stared into the flames, willing the darkness in me to recede, but I couldn't, because I still wasn't at ease. I wasn't at ease because I couldn't get the image of Embry's slack body from my mind, or the sound of his skull cracking as it hit the wall. The darkness wouldn't leave because I couldn't get his silence out of my head.

_Deep in my heart I know its right_

_And my enemies, they try to break me._

_But I won't give up without a fight._

_There's power in your sorrow_

_You'll see tomorrow,_

_Take you places you don't know._

_It led me up to heaven,_

_Now they say I am ready,_

_And it's time to let it go._

* * *

**A/N: Um... don't hate me?**

**Oh and I'd like to draw your attention to Human Heat, the out-takes from Regression on my Author page where Bella and Embry explore what _could_ have been. I've added a second out-take, following on from the original. Go read it and review? Who knows, it might be your last chance to see Embry alive... :/**


	19. The Battle Wages On

_Disclaimer:_ _All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise._ _No copyright infringement is intended._

**A/N: Songs used are Like Toy Soldiers by Eminem and Walking After You by Foo Fighters.**

* * *

**Chapter Nineteen:****T****he Battle Wages On**

**Bella POV**

I couldn't believe it was really over, but there was still too much to deal with to relax just yet. Maya's anguished sobs cut through the deep rumble of the fire engulfing the Cullen's house, and I stared dumbly through the window, barely able to make out Jacob's broad silhouette amongst the plumes of purple smoke. He was just standing there, unmoving, staring into the blaze. Around me was a chaos of panicked orders and soothing words, as the pack gathered around their fallen brother, at a loss as to what to do for him. He was still in wolf form, which was making checking his vitals all the more difficult.

"He's got a pulse!" Jared yelled over the commotion, and all eyes but mine turned to him. Those closest dropped to their knees to verify his declaration.

"Okay, but he's not breathing. How do we do CPR when he's like this?" Seth was frazzled, and in stark contrast to the excitable pup I knew him to be.

"Oh god, what do we do?" Maya wailed, falling to her knees beside him, burying her hands and face in his thick fur. She gulped loudly. "Baby, come back to me, _please._ We just got our chance – you can't leave me! Don't leave me like this!"

My heart was breaking for her, but I couldn't tear my eyes away from Jacob.

"Where's Jake?" Quil asked, looking around him fruitlessly. I saw him catch sight of me, and follow my gaze, rushing past me in panic once he saw him.

"What the fuck is he still doing in there? The place is about to become rubble! Jake!" he called frantically on his way back into the house.

I could make out the hazy image of Quil putting his hand on his best friend's shoulder, before it was shrugged off roughly and a heated exchange of words took place. I was frozen in place with shock, perched on the rock Seth had set me upon moments after carrying me out of the house. Why was Jake just standing there? Wasn't he worried about Embry? Why wasn't he _doing _something?

He stormed out of the opening and past me, not even looking at me as he went. Quil followed, calling a slew of abuse and curse-words after him.

"You fucking _promised! _You promised me you'd never go back to this you fucking asshole!"

Quil was seething, tremors wracking his body as another phase was imminent. I knew it wasn't a good idea – I could tell from the set of Jacob's shoulders that he was ready for a fight, and he didn't care who it was with. That dark look was in his eyes, still, and it was the one thing keeping me from going to him and offering my comfort. It felt wrong to admit to myself, but I was afraid.

"You're just going to leave us? Again? Same old story, Jacob – freeze everyone out the minute something happens. Well fuck you – if you can't stick around long enough to make sure Em's okay, you don't deserve this fucking pack!"

Jacob whirled round in anger, his eyes trained on his brother and I gasped in horror at what was about to happen – I was going to have to watch Jake firmly destroy one of the most important friendships of his life, while the other lay dying on the rain-drenched ground. The noise from me, amazingly, was enough, though, and his eyes darted to mine. I don't know what it was he saw there – fear, trepidation, hopelessness; but he halted in his strides towards Quil. He looked past him and called out towards the wolf lying limply on the ground.

"Embry, phase back human, right now. That's an order!"

As if by magic – which I guess it actually was – Embry's form shimmered and shook and his grey, spotted wolf was replaced with a very ashen, very naked, human.

Maya exclaimed relief as the guys gathered round, beginning CPR immediately once they were working on a more familiar subject. The fact that the order worked was a glimmer of hope – Embry was still in there, locked inside his mind but coherent enough to be compelled to obey. The greatest sound to our ears was heard as he coughed and winced forward, pulling his upper body from the ground with a gasp before falling back into the mud – he hadn't regained consciousness, but his chest rose and fell with each ragged breath. I smiled, turning round in my position to show Jacob how happy and proud I was and stopped dead, looking around me in confusion.

He was nowhere to be seen.

* * *

**Jacob POV**

_I'm supposed to be the soldier who never blows his composure,__  
__Even though I hold the weight of the whole world on my shoulders.__  
__I am never supposed to show it, my crew ain't supposed to know it.__  
__I'd never drag them in battles that I can't handle unless,__  
__I absolutely have to;__  
__I'm supposed to set an example.__  
__I need to be the leader, my crew looks for me to guide 'em.__  
__If some shit ever just pop off, I'm supposed to be beside 'em._

I had to leave. The darkness was propelling me forward in search of something, anything to vent my anger on. It was too close a call with Quil. I couldn't believe I was about to let myself go back there after all we'd been through. It was only the look of sheer devastation in Bella's eyes that stopped me. I was ashamed; I couldn't be there to see that, to know she'd looked into my rotten core and been disgusted by what she saw. How could someone like me deserve her? I knew I didn't. The memories were flooding back now without restraint, showing me every god-awful deed I'd done in a fit of revenge, every heartless mission I'd undergone to sate the beast in me that I'd allowed to take over.

I'd thought it would be easy to leave that part of myself behind – I knew that it was doing no-one any good, and was like a cancer, eating up any relationships I had in an effort to keep those I loved safe. I ran for hours, feeling utterly lost in the most familiar place I'd ever been. I didn't know how I could give this part of myself up now, when without it, I'd been completely useless. It was only when I let the ugly side of myself take over that I was able to step up in my role; to strategize and save Bella and Maya and protect The Pack. The choice wasn't so simple any more – I didn't know how I'd function as a wolf and an Alpha without it, and I didn't know where that left me as a man with this aspect of my personality still alive and breathing and ruining my life.

The forest became a blur, and I realised I'd given up any intention of a hunt hours ago – and no-one had phased in. They were most likely still with Embry. A stab of guilt hit me when I thought of him; I'd left my best friend dying and ran off for my own selfish reasons – Quil was right, I didn't deserve The Pack. I didn't deserve Bella

Somewhere in the mists of recollection, I remembered a conversation. So long ago, I'd all but forgotten it happened, but in it, was that last glimmer of hope. I needed to find her, to ask if it was still true.

I knew where she would be – her injuries were severe enough that they'd keep her in to set her leg. It was morning now; I tried not to think about all that could have happened in my hours of self-indulgence. I ran towards the hospital, stealing a pair of sweats from someone's back yard along the way – I didn't care what I wore, I needed to see her, to hear it from her lips.

She was propped up in bed when I got there, looking alone and afraid and sick with worry with her cell phone cradled in her hand as she ran her lips over the top of it in a nervous gesture. She was willing it to ring, I knew from the look in her eyes. My wolf was overcome with the need to scent her, and I knew the dominance I was feeling was all down to him – he'd been spoiled all these years by me giving in to whatever primal whim he'd displayed. I'd allow him one more.

I didn't even announce my presence to her before I'd crossed to her bed and crashed my lips down on hers. She was shocked, frozen and unable to figure out what to do until I moved my lips against hers, nipping softly at the plump bottom one and encouraging her mouth to open so I could explore it, claim it, and know it was for me alone. It was enough to snap her from her reverie, and soon her hands were fisting through my hair and running over the muscles in my back, soft whimpers of submission echoing through her kiss as she let me take what I wanted and what she instinctively knew I needed.

I pulled away, satisfied enough – for now – that she knew the need I had for her. Her eyes were hazy, and she had trouble focusing as I chuckled darkly at the expression on her face. A crease appeared between her brows as she came back to her senses.

"What the hell, Jake? You've been gone for nearly fourteen hours and you come back and do _that _without even asking?" she snapped. I just leaned in for a second kiss, disarming her once again as I let my hand creep up under her flimsy gown, warming the skin I found there. Her heart was racing and she was fighting arousal as she pushed me away.

"Stop distracting me! Explain yourself."

She reached behind her, pulling a pillow around to her front to act as a barrier between us. From the scents she was emanating, I didn't know if it was insurance against me or herself.

"I needed to ask you something."

"Well you can't talk when you're doing that. Have you even been to see Embry yet? Sue says he's stable, they're just waiting for him to wake up to assess the damage."

She was so damn hot when she got all pink and flustered like this. _You're letting it win again. Stop giving in to it._

"That's awesome," I breathed, feeling guilty that I'd let myself forget about him for the last few moments. "I'm going there once I talk to you."

"Okay," she said, softening slightly. "What did you want to ask?"

"Bells, I know what you saw in me last night. I know how it made you feel – I'm ashamed, and I'm sorry," I said earnestly.

"You don't have to apologise, Jake. I was just – thrown off. I'd never seen that side of you before."

"And you never would again, not if I could help it, but Bells, I don't know if I'm strong enough to never let it take over me again."

She looked at me sympathetically and squeezed my hand. "You are. You're the strongest person I know, and there's nothing you can't do. You're invincible to me."

I gave her a soft smile, taking comfort in the confidence she had in me. It was exactly why I needed her. She was my anchor to the world, she'd told me that once – I remembered now.

"Do you remember, after I first phased, what I told you?" I asked nervously. The dark part was receding completely in her presence – she was already working her magic on me, and I hadn't even asked her to. She raised an eyebrow and smiled apologetically at me.

"Jake, that was almost ten years ago, and you told me a lot of things back then.. I'm sorry... I don't-"

I shook my head, understanding her and berating myself for not being more clear. "I said that I was afraid. It scared me that there might come a day when I didn't know where the wolf ended and I began, and I thought it would take over."

Realisation dawned on her face then, and she nodded. "And I told you that I'd never let that happen; that I'd remind you every single day how amazing you are."

I looked down at our entwined hands – she remembered, but was it still true?

"And now?" I said, looking into her beautiful chocolate gaze once again. "How do you feel?"

She gave me a warm smile and looked deeply into my eyes.

"I mean it more than ever. I'll be your tether when you feel like your spinning off into space. Not a day will go by that you don't know who you are, and what you mean to me. Believe that. I love you, Jacob. I'll never let you slip away."

I kissed her again, this time softly, worshipping her lips and the words that came from them. It was exactly what I needed to hear, and somehow, Bells had known that.

Slipping into the bed beside her, I took her into my arms, trying not to jostle her injured leg too much. I buried my nose in her hair, breathing her in and allowing her scent to calm me better than any sedative I'd ever been given. It gave me more comfort than any words I'd ever heard.

I basked in her essence, allowing myself a short reprieve from life before I squared my shoulders and faced it head on. I would go to The Pack and explain everything. I would apologise to Quil and I would be there the moment Embry woke up. I knew I could do it.

With Bella in my arms, I felt like I could take on the world.

* * *

**Embry POV**

_Tonight I'm tangled in my blanket of clouds**  
**Dreaming aloud**  
**Things just won't do without you, matter of fact._

Her face was all I saw through the haze of darkness in my head. Her eyes were the beacon, guiding me through the haunted forest to my home as she begged me not to leave her. I couldn't; I wouldn't dare give her up before we had the chance to be. I belonged to her – every part of me.

Memories of the time I'd known her swam in my mind – the first night at the bar, the nerves and excitement of new love, to the first time I saw Jake's arm wrapped possessively around her shoulder and the look of mutual devotion in their eyes. I'd been destroyed by that; I knew how strong imprinting was. I knew I needed to forget about my feelings, but it was much easier said than done. Part of me knew it couldn't be over, I could never let her go. I could recall all the times of secret smiles and stolen moments where I could see how she still felt for me, buried underneath the cloud of artificial love and dedication. She wasn't mine, but I could never be anyone else's.

I could feel that she was close. Something inside of me was reaching out to her, clinging on to consciousness so I could see her again, and tell her, once and for all what she meant to me. It was the only thing bringing me back home.

Distant voices spoke around me, becoming my guide back to reality. I knew how to get there. She was my home.

"I can't believe how close that was," a familiar voice said. It was one I'd heard a million times before, but there was something kind of weird about it. He sounded so…_happy__._

"Well, it's the last close call he's having on my watch; I still don't know what he was thinking – he wasn't at full strength yet, she could have killed him!" It was _her_ voice speaking now. It was somehow different too, but not in any major, obvious way – it was the fact of who it belonged to, and the fact she was here brought me comfort. It was the fact that I didn't have to pretend anymore.

"Uh, yeah, good luck with that. You think he's just going to give up the wolf again after getting it back after so many years? Especially now he has someone to protect? He did it all for you, you know. Every single part. He loves you."

I heard a long, exaggerated sigh then, from her. I could picture her now, most likely smiling and shaking her head in that shy little way she does.

"Idiot."

I was willing my eyes open, just to see if my imagination was right, but I might as well have been trying to breakdance in wolf form. I just couldn't get my muscles to co-operate. A strangled groan left my throat with the effort.

"Shh… looks like he's coming round," he said. "Em? So help me man, if you have amnesia I'm giving you such shit." Trust Jake to threaten me, mere moments after waking from a head trauma. "It's just like that Halloween you _had _to be Spiderman after I bought the costume first."

"Jake?" I sighed. Holy shit, someone had replaced my tongue with sand-paper. What the fuck drugs was I on? Tequila?

"Guilty as charged. How are you? Please don't tell me I've aged ten years or something."

Operation Open-Your-Damn-Eyes, Call was at last a success, and my eyesight cleared to show Jake hovering over me with an apprehensive look on his face. He looked the exact same as he had in the Cullen's house, facing off with Ms Teen Transylvania, but his breath stank. I flinched away from him, squeezing my eyes shut.

"Dude, easy on the damn garlic!" The invasion of Jake's corpse breath was replaced by the most beautiful sensation of my cheek being softly stroked, the contrast in temperatures helping cool me down somewhat. I felt Maya move to sit on the edge of the bed to be closer to me, and an involuntary smile tugged at my mouth.

"Stop moving so much,. Embry. You just woke up," she admonished, worry lacing her tone. I smirked again, readying my witty retort about her climbing on to my bed and telling me to stay still. I took a breath, and opened my eyes.

And gravity shifted.

_If you walk out on me, I'm walking after you._

* * *

**A/N: Horray!** **No way in hell could I kill off Embry Call! I love him far too much. Also, I'm pretty sure there would have been a witch hunt from some of you, and my friend Ruth threatened me with:**

"**You know if you kill him, you'll have to deal with me crying in real life because I can't grasp that he's fictional."**

**So there's that. The parallels with Chapter One are intentional, by the way.**

**Also, laughing so much that I actually managed to include Eminem lyrics in a Twlight fic. Bet he's proud.**

**Hope you guys enjoyed this... let me know! :)**


	20. Bloodline

_Disclaimer:_ _All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise._ _No copyright infringement is intended._

**A/N: Suggested Listening: Blood Bank by Bon Iver**

* * *

**Chapter Twenty: Bloodlin****e**

**JPOV**

"Did... Was that...?"

I don't know why I was bothering asking questions, it's not like either of them were in a position to give me any answers. Maya's hand was frozen on Embry's cheek, a mutual look of bewilderment and adoration in both their expressions. I was rooted to the spot, watching time slow down for the both of them as every noise in the small house faded into the background. The entire pack was spread around Tiffany Call's home, one I'd learned she'd moved out of three years previously when she re-married and left for the Makah Reservation. The reverberation went through my body the moment he set eyes on her, like I too could feel the earth shifting under my feet. This imprint was different, stronger somehow. I still didn't know how it was even possible – wasn't she supposed to be _mine?_

A low growl vibrated within me at the thought. It was irrational, I knew that, but I was still trying to get a handle on _him_. Since I'd learned the extent of his power and the loose leash I'd kept him on over the last six years, the fight for dominance was wearing me down. On top of that, the memories had flooded back. Images and scents of my time with Maya; how she looked when she woke up in the morning, the scet of her skin. The way she looked at me with love when everyone else averted their eyes. The imprint was still history, but knowing what we'd shared had made me regain an affection for her, one I'd all but forgotten until I saw her the moment she answered the door of Embry's house. She was still my ex-girlfriend, and I knew now how good she had been for me. More than that, it made me respect her even more for how she'd handled everything since I woke up. It was amazing. _She_ was amazing.

The Pack had fallen silent the moment I darkened the doorway, no doubt expecting the return of the wrathful, emotionless machine they'd all come to know. I gave them my best _Jake_smile, looked them all in the eyes, and hoped like hell I'd be given the chance to apologise.

I cleared my throat awkwardly, feeling – once again – like a complete dick who didn't deserve a single one of them, but then I remembered Bella. She was my anchor now, and if I could make someone like that love me, I could do just about anything.

"Hey, guys," I said, my voice coming out a lame shadow of itself and not the pillar of determination and strength I'd intended. I guess the past twenty-four hours were finally catching up with me, wolf magic or not. I needed food and sleep and I needed to curl up with a certain pale goddess in my arms, but first, I had amends to make.

"I know what happened back there was," I shook my head, not sure I had any adjectives left in my frazzled brain to really capture the immensity of the asshole I'd been. "It was inexcusable. I guess I finally got the missing pieces back, and had trouble fitting them in with who I want to be."

I looked around them again, hoping for at least one open expression. My dad was sitting silently in his chair beside Seth and Brady, and wasn't meeting my eyes. None of them were. Maya was hugging herself tightly, throwing glances towards Embry's closed bedroom door. I guessed from the single absence that Jared was with him. She wasn't listening to a word coming out of me – her head was in that room, too.

"But I've done a lot of soul-searching. A lot of thinking, and I'm determined to make good on my promise. I need to be a better guy, a better wolf for all of you. For Bells, too." I couldn't help the involuntary smile that tugged at my lips at the mention of her name. Fuck being twenty-five, I was still just as lovesick over her as I was at sixteen. I was a damn sucker all over again, but this time, she felt the same way.

"You're all going to see it next time we run anyhow, but I'd rather tell you in my own words – the Alpha wolf is strong, he's hard to control but we need him around for nights like the one we just had. We need him for strategy and making the decisions I'm just not equipped to in times of battle." I shook my head, staring off into the middle distance and trying not to dwell on how I could have failed them all so miserably had my memories not returned when they did.

"I can't give him up because I need him to protect you. I need him with me to be the strong leader you all deserve, but I'm not letting him get the better of me. I've got something now that I didn't have before," I said, meeting their eyes again. "I've got Bella, and she knows the part of me that went missing all those years ago. I think in a way, the person I was before she was taken from me went with her. But she's back now. _I'm_back now, and neither myself nor Bella are going to let the person I'm meant to be slip away again."

My words hung in the air as glances were thrown around, and I was certain every wolf in the room could hear the erratic pounding of my heart as I gauged their reactions. One by one, I was met with soft, respectful smiles or curt nods. It was enough, and before I could speak again, Paul cleared his throat.

"Alright, let's quit the love-in before we all grow lady-parts. No offense, Maya."

She didn't even hear him.

Just like that, it was back to normal, and half a family-size pizza was shoved unceremoniously in front of me along with the remnants of a gallon of milk. It tasted like a slice of heaven, and I wolfed it down (pardon the pun) as I waited my turn to go see Em.

Quil was MIA. Seth made excuses for him, but it didn't take a genius to work out that my little shit-fit had bought back painful memories and he'd gone elsewhere to deal with it. I wanted to find him as soon as I was sure Embry was okay.

I didn't realise how okay he would actually be, and I was unsettled by how it was affecting me – rationally, I knew I had no right to feel this way, but try telling the_other me _that.

I conjured an image of Bella's face in my mind. Thoughts of her were the only thing that seemed to give me back any power, and I hoped that by reminding the wolf what we already had, it would calm him – it seemed to be working, and before the thought could even from consciously in my head, the possessive feelings I had towards Maya slipped away. She was Embry's now. She probably always had been; he wasn't phasing at the time they met, and they'd still harboured feelings for each other despite her ties to me. What was I? A stand-in?

"Uh, guys?" I called out the doorway. It was almost like I needed someone else to see this to confirm it was really happening.

"Yeah, we felt it, too... was that seriously Em and Maya?" Paul replied as he came into view. I nodded dumbly as my gaze fell back onto them. Maya was now standing up straight, her hand held stiffly in place as Embry struggled to sit up straight in his bed. Finally, he tore his gaze away from her and looked towards me fearfully.

"Dude, I'm sorry... you know I can't control something like this-" he began, before I held up my hands in a halting gesture to cut him off. I shook my head.

"Don't even start, Em. It's seriously fine, she was probably yours all along," I soothed, still feeling unsettled that I'd been about a month away from marrying the love of Embry's life. Talk about awkward. _Sorry, dude, I took your soulmate, but don't worry, she's good as new and I didn't even knock her up._ I shuddered as I heard Paul snort obnoxiously from the hallway.

"Yeah, jake was just keeping her warm until you went wolf again," he jibed. It was all that was required to snap Maya out of her daze and a crinkle appeared in her forehead. She picked up a baseball bat that was leaning against the corner wall of Embry's bedroom and marched wordlessly out of the room.

"Stop."

_Whack_

"Making._"_

_Whack_

"Jokes."

_Whack_

"Out of"

_Whack Whack_

"My messed up life!"

_Whack Whack Whack_

The bat splintered on Paul's shoulder-blade and shattered with the last blow, cutting his laughter off with a wince of pain. Maya dropped her weapon heavily and raked one hand through her cropped hair, squeezing her eyes shut and heaving out a loud sigh. Paul whined loudly and massaged his shoulder, exaggerating the pain he was in.

"Chick does _not _hit like a girl!" he complained, and retreated to the safety of the kitchen after throwing a fearful glance over his shoulder at her.

I could smell the salt of her tears before she even wiped them away begrudgingly – Maya always did hate to cry; it was a sign of weakness that she didn't want anyone seeing, least of all her friends. Her gaze locked with mine through her lashes, the warm brown of her eyes framed in the pink branches of bloodshot capillaries. She looked defeated, broken, and before I could say a word, she'd turned on her heel and left through the back door. Seven pairs of eyes followed in her wake, but not one of us moved to go after her.

Embry grunted loudly in pain as he attempted to get out of bed.

"Did she leave? Where did she go, Jake?" he called, his voice rising in panic at every syllable.

Suddenly, Em didn't sound like his professional, grown-up self anymore; the years melted away and once again he was that nervous kid who was afraid to ask anyone to junior prom. Now the girls were ditching him all over again, only this time, it was so much worse. I knew he could feel the growing distance between them already – he didn't need my answers to those questions. He looked at me pleadingly. "I can't move, man... I'm still too weak." His voice cracked and a wrinkle snaked across his nose in frustration. There was nothing worse than feeling helpless towards your imprint – I could remember it all, now.

"It's okay, just give her a few minutes to cool off, and then I'll go find her. I'll bring her back to you, I promise." I meant every word.

Sensing he was needed, Seth pushed past me with a bottle of pain meds and a glass of water, nodding at me subtly that he had everything covered in here. I needed to talk to my dad. If he didn't have some answers for me, I had no clue what I was going to say to Maya. I sat down beside the old man heavily and rubbed the back of my neck. Was this day ever going to end? I felt like I'd been awake for two straight weeks and I still had to build my own bed before I could get into it. Why couldn't I just go back to the hospital and give Bella a sponge bath? That was both helpful _and _relaxing.

"Please, _please _tell me you have a theory, Give me something to work with," I pleaded. My father's face remained stoic as he stared straight ahead. I couldn't figure out if the silence was contemplative or just speechless. "I don't know how he'll get through this, Dad. We've never had a rejected imprint before. Will he even survive?"

"She's not rejecting it, son." he finally said. My head jerked towards him in question. He barely knew Maya, how could he assume to know what was going through her head? He turned to look at me, as if the answer as plain as day. "Think about it. Maya feels like she's been passed around like some beat-up old car for new drivers. She doesn't get her real purpose in this pack." He held out a hand, gestruing around the room half-heartedly. "None of you do."

I cocked an eyebrow, shooting a glance to the guys who were doing a great job of pretending not to listen. Screw it. There were enough secrets between us. "What are you talking about, Billy?" I said forcefully. If he was going to start that talking-in-riddles crap that Old Quil had been so adept at doing, he had another thing coming. "And spare me the jerk-around. You're not old enough to pull off the mysterious, wise-old-coot-thing."

Dad looked at me with laughter in his eyes. "When I heard through the grapevine that you'd imprinted on Maya, I did a little digging," he said.

"You did a background check on my imprint?" I spluttered, and Jared coughed loudly to hide his laughter. Paul didn't even try.

"She was a strangers, a blow-in from out of town and was bound to the Alpha of our Pack and the future chief. She could be anyone," he said defensively. "Was I supposed to sit back while you poured out all our secrets, too blinded by the imprint to worry about what she might do with them?"

He had a point. From what I could remember about Maya's and my meeting, it had all been fast and spontaneous and I hadn't for once thought she was anything but perfect. It was pure blind luck that she was.

"So... what did you find?" I asked hesitantly. There was a twinkle in his eye I hadn't seen in quite a while, like he was finally able to tell me something positive instead of the rain of heartbreak he'd had to impart over the past few weeks.

"Maya's parents grew up on another reservation. That much is true. But do you think she has any idea who her oldest recorded ancestor is?" he said, and my brow furrowed in confusion.

"Dad, I only started paying attention to Quileute history when I sprouted fur and claws. Why would I know anything about Maya's tribe?"

"Because they're one and the same," he said simply.

"Maya's Quileute?" I said disbelievingly. " How could you possibly know that? _She _doesn't even know that."

"Because back then, secrets meant life or death, and Maya's bloodline was put under protection because of what they meant to the tribe."

"What bloodline? Dad, please, just tell me what you're talking about."

"Our ancestors are shared, they are one in the same. Maya's particular ones were sent away, so that they would be protected against any new enemies. They knew that vampires don't forget and they never forgive, and the baby of such a special mother would be a living, breathing target."

"Special mother? What special mother?"

"The Third Wife."

* * *

**A/N: I know, a lot more questions from this chapter, probably, but I promise that when Jake explains everything to Maya it will all become clear. **

**I would like to extend a massive thank-you to whoever nominated Maya for Best Original Character in the Non-Canon awards. I have never been nominated for anything and it's a huge honour! **

**Now let me hear your thoughts on this chapter?**


	21. Progression

_Disclaimer:_ _All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise._ _No copyright infringement is intended._

**A/N: Previously: After defeating Aurora at the Cullen House, Jacob stormed off, leaving the Pack to deal with Embry's critical condition while Quil cussed him out. Jacob did some soul-searching against the Alpha inside him fighting for control, and found solace in (hospitalised) Bella. Feeling more balanced, he went to Embry's to face the music, only to witness his best friend imprinting on Maya, his own former imprint who Embry had been in love with. Maya, feeling like she was passed around like a cheap bottle of vodka, stormed off upset, leaving Embry panicked and Jake at a loss.. until Billy revealed that she's got some fascinating heritage...**

**The song used in this chapter is And Darling by Tegan and Sara. (Maya/Embry)**

* * *

**Chapter Twenty-One: Progression**

_Creep up and tell me that you,  
You love me more each time you,  
Look into my eyes, I feel like...  
I know you don't mean to be mean,  
I'm sure you know the same for me,  
When you creep up and tell me...  
'Darling...'  
It breaks my heart each time you,  
'Darling...'_

Everyone present in Embry's kitchen was left reeling from what Dad had gone on to reveal. Not only was Maya always destined to be a part of our lives, but she was a part of a legacy as old as our own.

"Well fuck me, the chick really does have super powers," Paul remarked, still soothing his battered shoulderblade. "Knew she didn't hit like a girl." He was looking to Jared and Collin for back-up, but they were both still mulling over the latest revelation. It felt nice, for once, not to be the only one having my world shaken.

I sighed. "She's not a super-hero, Paul, she's just a girl. A hurt, frightened girl who's one of the best friends I've ever had. So shut up about that before you make her even angrier."

"Fine," he snorted, "but it sure sounded that way to me."

I looked in on Embry once more before I turned to leave. Maya wouldn't get far, but the sooner this mess was cleared up, the better.

"What are you guys talking about?" he said shakily, a light shudder rippling over his muscles in response to his own pain and the instinctual need to phase and go after her. His eyes were wide, wary, and he looked at me as if I held all the answers, like I could fix all of this. I had to look away before he saw through the bravado. Embry always did.

_Sorry, Buddy... leeches, I can handle. Girls are something else entirely. But I'll do my best._

I gave him a reassuring look and shook my head.

"Nothing that can't wait...I'm going after her. Is there, uh, anything you want me to say?"

He looked down to where his fists were clenched over the thin sheet covering his torso, and nodded.

"Tell... Tell her that I chose her before _he_ ever did, and I need – no – I _want_ her to choose me, too."

He swallowed thickly and clenched his eyes shut, finally giving in to the exhaustion that managing his pain caused, and sank his head into the pillow. I closed the door silently, leaving him with at least the illusion of some privacy – I knew how it felt to be not only rejected, but for it to play out to the full knowledge of the Pack. To this day, I didn't know if it was their pity or their smug, patronising responses which proved the most difficult to bear.

"I'm going to find Maya – I want one of you to check in on Charlie. It's been way too long since someone looked in on him – and I can't, right now."

A look was exchanged between Paul and Seth, and I stopped in my tracks. "What? What is it?" I grunted, dreading yet another bomb being dropped in my lap.

"Well, when I said Quil couldn't be here because he was patrolling, I wasn't lying. He's guarding Bella's house," Seth revealed. I frowned – why wouldn't they just tell me that? "We didn't tell you, well, because he said..." he looked uncomfortably to Paul, who rolled his eyes, folding his arms defiantly – he wasn't the least bit scared of my reaction.

"He said someone had to keep an eye on the Chief because you sure as hell wouldn't pull your head out of your ass before the guy starved to death or had a heart-attack from worry," Paul stated unapologetically. "Dude has a point, I mean, you weren't exactly Fun-Time-Barbie, last we saw of you."

I ground my teeth, angry, not at Quil, but at the fact he was completely justified in his digs – why the hell should anyone have believed I hadn't destroyed all the progress I'd made? It was only by complete good fortune that I had Bella this time round – Bella was the catalyst for my change, sure, but more than that, she sealed my future. Just by promising to love me.

I nodded, approaching the exit and I turned to them once more. "That's the reason he's my Beta," I said, letting the door swing closed behind me.

I didn't have to look far for her – Maya and I were still enough alike for me to know how she thought, and I knew that whenever she was upset, she either needed something to fix, or to destroy. Today, it was the former.

I guess she'd seen enough destruction for the past twenty-four hours – everything about her life laid in pieces, and she couldn't make them fit. It's hard when everything you thought you were sure of gets shattered.

I crossed the threshold of the workshop and scanned it. I could hear her, but I couldn't see her anywhere. A light sob filtered out from underneath a large, black Range Rover, a modern model I'd never seen before. I didn't even know she'd brought it here, or when, but it was barely hoisted off the ground. It was then that I could scent her, laying underneath on her back, but the tell-tale toes of her sneakers weren't poking out like they usually did. I dropped to one knee, bending to see a tuft of soft, inky-black hair – on the top of her head - resting on the ground, with Maya dishevelling it frustratedly using one hand, and a wrench in the other. She blew out a breath, let the wrench drop to the ground near her face, and buried her features in her palms.

"You know, I don't think laying upside down is gonna make it look any different," I said, and Maya craned her head to look at me with doeful, despondent eyes. She wasn't surprised to see me.

"I know, but maybe if I look at it this way, I can find something fucking wrong with the damn thing."

I raised a questioning brow. "Come again? There's nothing wrong with this car?"

"No," she groaned into the undercarriage, gesturing accusingly towards it. "Not anymore anyway. The one fucking time I need to get my hands dirty, and there's nothing wrong with the goddamn car." Her tone almost sounded rueful, but I knew her better than that. This was what she sounded like when she didn't know whether to laugh or cry, but was pushing for the former.

I laid on my own back and shimmied under too, caring little about messing up Embry's shirt that I'd borrowed, and using my elbows to nudge my body further in. Way too much time had passed since I was last beneath an engine, and my hands almost trembled with unused energy. I poked my fingers at the oil-crusted metal, almost sighing in relief. I loved the smell of it under here – all rubber, gasoline and metal, swimming together to make a scent that I was convinced should be made into some sort of perfume. It was the only thing – other than Bella – that gave me that kind of comfort. I couldn't exactly carry her around over my shoulder everywhere I went, though, so it was nice that I could find it in other places.

My head lined up with hers as I turned to look at her properly, her face looking crumpled and worn from distress, even if I _was_ looking at her upside down. I guess it probably would have looked kind of funny, my feet poking out from under the front bumper, and Maya's from the rear, but if this was where she felt most at home, then so be it.

"Come to give me a pep-talk?" she muttered, sounding frustrated with the idea already. "It's alright, you know I wouldn't let anything happen to Em – I just... I need to process this, okay? I can't be much good to him without at least a little self-worth."

I turned my head and looked into the darkness of the engine. "I know that...Maya, if all I cared about was Embry, I'd just tear you a new one and make you go take care of him."

"Yeah well, imprints are supposed to be there for you guys, make you stronger and help you deal with all the crap that comes flying your way. It's practically your job to make sure I hold up my end of the deal."

I looked at her for a long moment, wondering how best to make her see. I gave a small smile which wasn't returned and shook my head, Maya raised her brows questioningly, moving her head around to get a better look.

"What? Why do you have that look on your face?"

"Look? I don't have a look," I said innocently, still not quite eyeing her, and resting my forearm behind my head. I _had_ her. This little trick was something I'd used on Bella time and time again when I needed her to listen to what I had to say. The women in my life were nosy as hell, sometimes.

"But I do have a story," I said. She sighed wearily.

"Jake, I've already heard all about the spirit warriors and Taha Aki, you told me when we met..."

I shook my head, interrupting "No, it's about someone you'll probably identify with, I think."

I stared into the dark oblivion, letting the familiar tale come back to me, as if I'd heard it yesterday. Maya said nothing, the curiosity was written across her face and she pressed her mouth closed.

"_Many years after Taha-Aki gave up his Spirit Wolf, when he became an old man, trouble began in the north..."_

She was silent throughout the story, save for one or two clarifying questions. I could sense her interest. When I got to the part of the story where the Cullens came, I trailed off. She knew the rest – she'd lived it right along with me, with all of us.

"So, why are you telling me this? I mean, are you saying that I have a heroic suicide to look forward to? I gotta tell ya, Jake, the thought doesn't exactly have me doing the Macarena..."

I turned to her then, and smiled. "I know, but don't you see some similarities? I mean, if you hadn't lit that leech up like a bonfire, I would never have been able to phase."

She thought about this for a moment, and nodded. "Yeah, I guess I can see that. But what does any of this have to do with me and Embry?"

"It's got more to do with _you_ than anything," I said shifting around to relieve the pressure on my back muscles. Although I was used to laying like this, I usually moved around a lot more. "You see, there was one part left out of that story all the times my father told it to me – The Third Wife didn't just have a son. She had a daughter, too. Many times, the girls are left out of these stories, some ancient misogynistic crap, I don't know," I dismissed.

Cracking my knuckles, I could see her rapt interest, even in the dim light.

"Now this daughter, she wasn't just an ordinary human – she'd inherited a special type of spirit, an ingrained trait that The Third Wife had displayed, and that was her legacy. The daughter was stolen away after her parents were gone, for her own protection. She was just a kid, after all. The safest place they could bring her was to another Reservation, and she lived there for the rest of her days, falling in love, having children, making a life there. It went on like that, each generation bringing a new daughter, one who held this spark inside her that gave her bravery beyond any human. They never knew about their ancestor, famous to the Quileutes, but unknown elsewhere."

Maya was studying me now, drawing her own conclusions. "You mean, I'm..."

I nodded, letting the proud smile come full force. She really was amazing, and it wasn't just Maya – she'd come from a long line of powerful, strong, independent women who passed on the traits which made her who she was.

"My dad did some digging, after we met – it's just his old, paranoid ways.. but he found some undiscovered accounts detailing what happened to the unnamed daughter. It was written down around the time most of the old stories were recorded, but nobody thought it was of much importance."

"So... somewhere in my bloodline, way back, I'm Quileute?" she asked, almost disbelievingly.

"Seems that way... sorry," I joked. She smiled for what felt the first time in days.

"No, it's good.. I mean," she sighed. "After my Mom and Dad died, I guess I always felt like the last of a dying breed – I don't know my other family, and I always kind of felt like I belonged here. I guess it makes sense now," she mused, a soft smile decorating her lips.

"It's not just that, Maya," I said, bracing her for more. "The Third Wife wasn't just _anyone_ – her father was the tribe's Spiritual Healer, seemingly the last of the really powerful Medicine Men... he was a big deal."

She raised her brow again. "Really? So am I like... magic or something?" she quipped, fully expecting me to laugh along with her.

"Actually..." I said awkwardly – this was the part I wasn't sure she'd like so much. Maya had taken our imprint in her stride, but otherwise she was normal, and she classified herself that way. "Billy had some theories.. it's nothing for sure, but it'd explain some of what's going on, if he's right."

"I am _not_ some spooky Sabrina-type," she warned adamantly. She slid her body out from under the Range Rover, stomping around the workshop and throwing tools into drawers.

"I'm just me, Jake – why does everything around here have to be all mystical and shit? I just want to lay in my bed, eat popcorn and watch _Titanic,_" she grumbled, stopping to glare at me.

"Just hear me out, okay?" I asked, but she wasn't slowing down, instead shaking her head and banging the lid of her own toolbox closed. I grabbed her shoulders, turning her towards me and looked into her eyes. She stopped, snapping out of her rage as she looked at the shirt I was wearing. It was a classic, faded, Led Zeppelin 1977 design, and Embry had had it since high school. It was now more grey than the original black, and we used to tease him that he'd be buried in the thing, he wore it so damn much.

She pressed her lips together to hide the trembling, and promptly parked her butt on the edge of the workbench."Okay," she said, her voice hollow.

"Look, I know you don't want to hear that you've somehow caught mystic-fever from the rest of us, but this is something that's in your genes, and it's never really been needed until now." I moved to pace, wondering how best to start explaining things.

"Look, for whatever reason, you and I were meant to meet – our imprint wasn't an accident, and it wasn't just the spirits messing things up. A chain of events set in motion your being here, at the right time, in order to help me. I think – I don't know, maybe the imprint was to keep you around until you were needed, maybe it was to try and keep me from killing everyone around me when I went all darkside, but you and I were meant to find each other, Maya, and we're supposed to be friends."

She watched me pace dumbly, absorbing all the new information with a confused frown. "So you imprinted on me, so I could help you?" she asked, sounding a little more open to the whole thing. I nodded.

"Yes. Dad said your – _spirit – _or whatever, it was drawn back here, because you're vital to the Pack, and everyone has said that the only time I was even halfway human was when we were together – you were exactly what I needed, Maya."

"And you gave me a family, when I lost mine... I guess you were what I needed, too," she thought aloud. I smiled at her, happy that she'd gotten at least something out of being with me. So much of the time, it felt like the wolf took and took and left nothing but devastation in its path - the rubble was all over my life.

"Well, without the imprint, I may have scared you off, and you would have left, and you wouldn't have been here to help us," I explained. "But now, well, your purpose has been fulfilled – the imprint wasn't needed, because I forgot how to be angry. On top of that, you helped save us all when we could have lost everything to that vamp.. so..."

"So?"

"So, Billy thinks that now, because you've done all that was required of you, and because Embry's wolf's back in action again, the spirits are giving you a reward."

"A reward?"

I nodded. "Embry. He's your reward for helping us, for preserving my sanity, taking out the vamp... because he was your choice, and because _you _wanted him before they made you bound to me, you get Embry."

She was smiling again, and the look of pure love in her eyes spread a warmth throughout my body.

"So it's like, I imprinted on him?" she asked, a laugh threatening her voice, as if the entire concept was preposterous. I scrunched up my face – that didn't seem correct, and I had a hunch I knew the answer, somehow.

"Not completely... I think you guys were always meant to be, I just think whatever power was inside of you, from the Third Wife's Father, finally allowed his wolf to recognise your soul as his choice - because you'd fulfilled your duty. I think you would always have belonged to each other. You just have the insurance that nobody else will take him away from you now," I said. I wasn't even sure that made sense, but it did in my head.

I drew in a nervous breath. "So no, Maya, I'm not just here 'making sure you're holding up your end of the deal', because you never agreed to anything, and I don't force anyone's hand. It's completely _your_ choice, but Embry made his, before the wolf ever did...he just wants to know if you've made yours."

Maya was silent for a long moment, studying the toes of her sneakers like they held the answers to all the world's debates.

Without a word, she got up, wound her arms around my middle and pressed me into a hug. She was still really freakin' small. "Thanks, Jake," she whispered.

"Um, you're welcome?" I said unsurely. Maya just gave me that smile like she knew me right down to my bones, and walked towards the door. "Where are you going?" I called, unable to keep from grinning that she was actually getting her happy ending.

She looked around at me like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"I've got a somebody who's wounded and in bad need of a sponge bath, and he's not going to take care of himself," she said, smiling. She reached into her pocket and tossed me a set of keys. "And by the way, so do _you_. Take my car, go grovel to Quil, and then _go to the damn hospital._ Your girl has waited long enough."

I didn't see the sense in arguing.

_You slip your hands inside my pockets,__  
__Tell me nothing else would do,__  
__Without me, you can't live and,__  
__You slip your heart into my chest,__  
__They both become one of the strongest pairs,__  
__When strangers come, and Darling..._

* * *

**A/N: Uh, Hi? Remember me? Remember this story? Probably not, it's been a while. I'm sorry for the gap, really, but you know why – Butterflies and Hurricanes has taken over my muse right now.**

**I want to thank everyone who voted for Maya in the JBNP Awards! She won second place Best Original Character (My homegirl Alex from Not Your Type won first, so I'm seriously okay with that...) It was a huge surprise, a major compliment, and I love you all.**

**Any questions about this chapter, and Maya's badassery, leave them in the reviews. **

**This story is nearing the end, I'm afraid... :(**

**This chapter is for niamhg, who gave me that little nudge to get back into this story, so thank her if you liked this ;)**


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